Category: Web

Props to the Big Ho. His evil plan has worked. I was two clicks away from climax before I found his turd in my cream pie.
In all fairness, I can’t really complain now that my own evil plan has achieved an admirable ranking of its own. Now everbody repeat after me:
Adam Yoshida is an English Teacher living in Japan.
Adam Yoshida is Canadian.
Adam Yoshida is a “pretty princess.”
Also:
Kevin Kim (aka Big Hominid) is the owner of the Anger Poultry House.
Kevin Kim is a slobbering australopithecus with mad drawing skills.
Most importantly, Kevin Kim loves Korean wrestling.

I wrote a haiku today, inspired by this site:
Dusty desert road.
Weary rocket soldier sits,
opening the can.
Obviously, I’ve been playing too much Generals lately. And Adam’s recent post on Spam ignited a firestorm in my gut. I was forced to recognize that I need Spam on a regular basis. Need. But it’s too damn expensive in Japan. It’s as if they still price it the same way they did on the black market after the war, but adjusted for inflation.
Happy Spam thoughts:
Spam is one of the few foods that taste better in the “low salt” version. I tried a can of the spicy-flavored Spam a couple weeks ago and it was nice, but I prefer the low salt Spam sliced into slabs and crispy-fried with eggs, sunny side up, decorated with ketchup and sriracha sauce. Oh, damn, why so I do this to myself at work? I’m HUNGRY.
When I was ten or eleven years old, my friend Kohei came to a profound realization and announced that “Spam” spelled backwards is “maps”. It would be much less embarassing for him if I had forgotten to state that he was twice my age; luckily, I remembered.
UPDATE: It seems my black market comment above may have been unfounded. Apparently we Americans blessed the Japanese with loads of Spam after the war, at least this seems to be the case in some people’s experiences:
http://runker_room.tripod.com/tiestalk/spam.htm
You MUST try a Spam Musubi before you die. Must. A musubi is just a ball of rice. Spam musubi has chunks of pink (former) flesh interspersed in it. I have independently developed a thermonuclear version version of the Spam musubi involving kimchi and mayonnaise, and it is a meal unto itself unless you are drunk. In which case, I sincerely hope you don’t get barfy, because the only grosser thing to spew is a meat pizza (personal Bombay Sapphire memory – friends don’t let friends drink gin neat, even if there is no ice and nothing to mix it with).

If you are a mac buff, go forth:
The Macintosh at 20: Interview with Jef Raskin
And by “mac buff”, I mean a true OG (GFINDER) type playa. Not this new breed of iTards whose solution to everything in life is “Buy a Mac!” Yeah, buy a $2000 mac to surf the net and send e-mail you brainless chatwhores.
“Chatwhores” should be my word for the day, but it’s even below my taking credit for.
Note: This entry was posted by my Powerbook 190 (16-shade greyscale, although the right bottom corner of the lcd has inexplicably become a solid yellow). Which means not a goddamn thing except that I miss System 7. Am I alone in my misery?
By the way, GFINDER worked for me exactly ONE time out of approximately 200,000 tries. It exited the command window to the Finder, and then froze, instead of just freezing at the command window.

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”
However, in government, education, and in corporate America, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse’s performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance.
11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
And last but not least, the corporate steadfast:
13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

One of you sickos deserves to die in Politically Korrekt hell… Straight from my inbox:
– What Other Cultures Learn from the Media –
It was the first day of school (in America) and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history.”
Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?”
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki . “Patrick Henry, 1775.” He said.
“Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’?”
Again, no response except from Suzuki: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”
The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”
She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Japs.”
“Who said that?” she demanded.
Suzuki put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”
At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”
The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”
Again, Suzuki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”
Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001.”
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re in BIG trouble!”
and Suzuki said, “Arthur Andersen, 2001″…

Via Bruce Sterling:

Bagle and NetSky are fighting with each other. In NetSky.F, researchers found the following text: “Skynet AntiVirus – Bagle – you are a looser!!!!” This NetSky worm variant tries to remove Bagle worm infection if it finds it on an infected computer. And in Bagle.K, a message is embedded saying, “Hey, NetSky, f*ck off you b*tch!”

Why stop when I’m on a roll?

Meet Dudley Hiibel. He’s a 59 year old cowboy who owns a small ranch outside of Winnemucca, Nevada. He lives a simple life, but he’s his own man. You probably never would have heard of Dudley Hiibel if it weren’t for his belief in the U.S. Constitution.
One balmy May evening back in 2000, Dudley was standing around minding his own business when all of a sudden, a policeman pulled-up and demanded that Dudley produce his ID. Dudley, having done nothing wrong, declined. He was arrested and charged with “failure to cooperate” for refusing to show ID on demand. And it’s all on video.
On the 22nd of March 2004, the U.S. Supreme Court will decide whether Dudley and the rest of us live in a free society, or in a country where we must show “the papers” whenever a cop demands them.

Eeeenteresting, no? I haven’t read it all yet. Go see for yourself, I’m busy working:
http://papersplease.org/hiibel/
ALSO:
Beware of Big Brother’s spies – they’re everywhere!

Now that I have a legion of troopers aspiring to find the One True Way for their site design, I present a Scroll of Knowledge:
http://csszengarden.com
Hurry up and click already.
//
For the troops on furlough, I present the best and most addictive free game site in all of Japan. I’m talking original MMPORG (if you now what that abbreviation means, you are a fucking nerd. like me.), card games like poker and hanafuda, mah-jong, pachinko, etc. etc. etc.:
HANGAME Japan
I think the parent company is one of the biggie Korean portal sites like Daum. John and his wife got me hooked on Korean hanafuda (called “Go Stop”) last year on Daum, but I couldn’t play because in order to sign up, you pretty much must emit kimchi stench from your pores and hate American GIs (even though they are the only reason that crazy Kim motherfucker and his starving hordes aren’t gnawing off your arms after a massive artillery barrage). I guess what I’m trying to say is, you need a Korean citizen’s ID# to sign up for that shit and I don’t have one and can’t be bothered to research faking one. So I looked around for approximately 1.4672 hours and although I found many free hanafuda games online, they all suxx0r3d compared to the Daum Go Stop game.
Then I found the Japanese HANGAME site. It rocks. I played more hanafuda this week than CS. Oh. My. God. Don’t worry, I’ll make up for it tonight. Gotta try out those newly powered-up Beretta Elites that Steam made it a point to tweak.
If you read this whole post and understood every reference that was made, you are a pathetic game-otaku webhead geek. Join my HANGAME group after signup. My handles are “cyberdogma” and “cosmicbuddha”. Very original, I know. STFU.
Oh, if you care to learn about hanafuda, look at this pathetic nerd’s site:
sloperama.com
That is all for today. I have been pretending to be working on the new export regulation checklist since this morning and I need a break before I turn in some half-ass initial draft. It’s only hours before I will go home, yell “wooo, it’s Fridaaaaay!” at the cats that are sitting on my street, unlock my door, sit on the sofa, then wonder how the hell I slept so long when I wake up 48 hours later.

The links that can be found by ego-Googling are sometimes surprising. I hunted down the site of another Justin Yoshida last month! I left a message in his guestbook, but haven’t gotten word back yet. What do you know? He plays CS, just like me. Heh.
This guy must actually be me, from an alternate universe or something. Maybe the metaphysic membrane between our realities was temporarily ripped and he somehow fell through. It should be interesting if we hook up sometime – he apparently lives in Hawaii so it’s conceivable I might make the effort someday. If he’s not hiding from me, that is. I can be weird sometimes, maybe he thinks I’m a maniac or something. Come to think of it, the thought of another Justin Yoshida is kind of scary. What if he goes aggro and kills a bunch of people or something? It might reflect poorly on me, you know. Twenty years from now when I’m introducing myself to people they might say, “Yoshida… Aren’t you the guy who blew up a tour bus full of Chinese tourists and sold their remains as humuhumunukunukuapuaa pudding at Hanauma Bay?”
Wow. Got lost in dreamland there for a second. Anyway. ego-Googling results. Right. Dozo:
Yoshida Records
Some featured artists: ADELE LIPUMA, SIW MALMKVIST, ZZAJ (this last one is a springoff of ZWAN, I suspect)
Yoshida Auto
These native Osakans will ship cars to Ireland, Mauritus, and Chile for you.
Nami Yoshida, Illustrator
Her first picture book is on sale.

Found this link for a site that compares free Japanese-language blogging services:
Muryo Blog Hikaku (Free Blog Comparison)
My moblog on yapeus is still getting a lot of traffic and links from other Japanese sites, as is the old version of this blog. I never archived the contents of the old blog here like I wanted to and I’ve been thinking of moving some of the posts I liked here one by one… we’ll see. I often find myself wanting to do stuff I never actually get around to doing.