Category: Society & Culture

NHK is the national public broadcasting station in Japan. They send subscription fee collectors to seemingly every front door in the nation on a semi-regular basis, and in my experience, get turned away more often than not.
1.17 mil. households refuse to pay NHK subscription fees
People usually try to get out of paying by saying that they either do not own a TV, or do not watch NHK. The latter isn’t an excuse at all; you’re supposed to pay anyway. I always used to use the former until a few years ago when the NHK guy pointed out my newly-purchased satellite dish and I had to explain it wasn’t for a TV, it was for my global mind control experiments, and used the following lull in conversation as a chance to slam the door on his face.
In a similar way, most newbies to Japan initially think they can get away with a verbal Gaijin Smash (ala Azrael), but after years of verbal abuse from everyone the collectors are quite crafty and usually come prepared with laminated English phrase cards (Pay up you dirty, lying foreigner! GIVE ME MONEY!). Most recently, I tried acting like a member from the local Mormon church (there really is a Sumoto branch of the Church of LDS) and I like to think I came pretty close to converting the guy – I tried to give him a copy of the Book of Mormon that the real Mormons had left on my doorstep a few months before, but his formidable training eventually kicked back in and before you know it I was resorting back to door-slamming again.
If you DO actually pay the subscription fees, you are issued an NHK sticker to post above your doorway. I have known people who peeled these stickers off of vacant houses to post on their own, figuring it would show they had already paid, but ultimately, the joke was on them because NHK actually targets houses with the sticker (I suspect it is much easier to shame Japanese people into paying a second time than it is the first time, since it implies cheapness rather than moral belief as a reason for not paying the “mandatory” subscription fees).
The most hardcore NHK collector I ever met came knocking one day when we were living in the slums of Osaka, in Nishinari. I tried every excuse and gambit in the book, but this guy was firm and wanted the money, no excuses. When I tried slamming the door, he blocked it with his foot!!! He started cussing me out in gutteral Osaka-ben, which was a uniquely surreal experience – being cussed out by an NHK fee collector! Eventually, I tricked him into moving his foot and successfully slammed the door in his face, which infuriated him even more, and he started pounding on it from the outside and yelled at us to open it… At that point, the yakuza living upstairs opened his front door, leaned over the railing, and demanded to know what the fuck was going on, and “did he need to come down and kill some urusai motherfuckers?”
The NHK guy got spooked and left the apartment complex entirely. We laughed as we watched him walking away down the road – he heard us laughing and shook his fist up at us, mumbling and swearing to himself, kicking at a crumpled soda can on the street.

This sounds like a scene straight from Ishi the Killer:

…Nagasawa then punched the victim in the face, saying he did not answer politely enough…
…Nagasawa then allegedly followed the victim into his apartment and forced him to take off his contact lenses…
“Are you wearing contact lenses now? Put them in my eyes,” Nagasawa told the 31-year-old victim….
After Nagasawa’s arrest Thursday in Kawasaki, just south of Tokyo, police put on display what they confiscated from his home — 124 pairs of glasses and 30 pairs of contact lenses of a wide variety…
…Police did not comment on his motive but Nagasawa reportedly said: “I felt good when I wore the glasses of a friend in my junior high school days. I have ever since been searching for glasses that fit me.”

You can read the whole article here.
Sometimes the quotes from criminals in Japan are just so surreal. Just yesterday, I was watching on the news about a 14 year old kid who hit a man in a wheelchair on the head as hard as he could with a dumbell because he was angry and felt like hitting someone, anyone. I guess the poor guy in the chair just picked the wrong moment to wheel across the street.

Uninspiring story #1:
The Japanese girl who really went to Los Angeles in pursuit of life ala Beverly Hills 90210. (seriously.)
Uninspiring story #2:
Her best friend, who followed two weeks later.
Inspiring story #1:
My former female coworker, who taught herself English by reading the newspapers used as stuffing in the pineapple boxes shipped from Hawaii to the fruit stand she worked at as a child.
Inspiring story #2:
Japanese (especially schoolkids) who can’t even return basic greetings in English, yet can instantly extend a middle finger and shout a healthy “FAKKU YOU!” like it’s second nature.
On a related note, I’m one of those people who learn languages the fastest by concentrating on the following areas first and foremost:
A. Learning how to order food
B. Learning how to ask where the crapper is, and
C. Learning how to say “wench,” “ale,” “stanchion,” and the other real essentials
(Bonus: “Cowper’s gland” in Japanese is, simply, “Cowper,” yet “Fallopian tubes” is not “Fallopia,” as one would expect, which is a damn shame because it would have made a damn fine name for a 660cc sub-compact made by Mazda.)
Fuck a classroom. It’s all about what inspires you.

So it has finally come to this: The incidental tourist
An American woman opts to pay $4,300 for a ten day vacation/medical trip to Hungary where she gets dental work done that would have cost an estimated $11,150 in the states with insurance. No word on whether she will play the next Jaws in the 007 series… Apparently it worked out well for her, though.
Come to think of it, the hospitals and clinics I’ve been to in Thailand were cleaner than what I’m used to seeing in Japan or the US – and they were a hell of a lot cheaper to boot (another fact – completely irrelevant and uninteresting to my fiance if she should read this – is that the nurses were a lot cuter as well, for those who are interested in such details).
Anyway, people flying out of the country to get medical treatment on their own dime because it’s cheaper than what’s covered by their medical insurance domestically – is it just me, or is that a really sad state of affairs?
(This post is dedicated to my little sister who is starting medical school in Chicago this very day, and who I expect to cause great change and improvement to the American medical system before I go home sometime in the mid- to long-term future. Good luck, sis.)

This is a question I have asked myself many times over the years spent here in Japan:
If MSG is so bad for you, why doesn’t everyone in Asia have a headache?
Hell, I just had a discussion about it a few weeks ago when T asked why westerners treat MSG (found in salt shakers that adorn the tabletops of many Asian countries, right next to the soy sauce, chili paste, etc.) with such… suspicion. I told him how it’s just accepted that it’s bad stuff, but realized I didn’t know why, and decided to look into it. It’s pure coincidence that I stumbled upon this article today, and it was a revelation of sorts.
The thing is, I didn’t even know that Ajinomoto was pure MSG until I came here, because I’d never even seen it in the states – I was born in 1974, and I remember hearing about the evils of it when I was around 7 or 8. One of my aunts said that she could tell when there was MSG in Chinese food because it made her neck tingle, the conversation turned into a discussion of the dangers of artificial food additives. Impressionable young mind that I had, I just accepted it as fact, and I’m pretty sure that almost everyone in my fresh, organic, free-range, sun-dried, gourmet, blessed-by-Tibetan-monks, zero-calorie, low-carb, pre-chewed-by-endangered-squirrels, natural, fibrous, pesticide-free, and overall, just nutritionally superior home state of California did, too.
Now that I’ve read that article and checked some other sites, it kind of pisses me off to think that the virtual ban on monosodium glutamate in the US was based on such weak evidence. It’s not especially surprising, since in the context of the 70’s, for a Chinese-sounding doctor to criticize the preparation of cheap takeout fare from the Lucky Dragon/Golden Palace/Wing Chun’s must have seemed like he really knew what the fuck he was talking about. It is, however, disappointing.
Sure, the potential for it being harmful is there. I just wish it could be scientifically proven one way or the other before being scared into the public.

Although I remember the headlines when her suicide was announced, I didn’t really know much about her life until I read this article:
Historian Iris Chang won many battles
The war she lost raged within
Truly sad… It’s hard to imagine how easy it is to succumb to the darkness until you’re surrounded by it.

On behalf of my host country, I would like to extend an official apology to another nearby country:
SORRY! OUR BAD!
Now shut the fuck up and revise your own history books, you fucking commies! (and learn to throw rocks/eggs/bottles in a slightly more manly fashion while you’re at it!)
Between this Japan/China shit and the whole papal buttgasm, there’s hardly a slot for good old-fashioned car chases and Amber alerts on CNN, dammit!

Having heard great things about original UK version of The Office, and not-so-great things about its American remake, I promptly illegally downloaded purchased Seasons 1 & 2 of the UK DVD-rips DVDs and (ahem!) legally procured all available versions of the American show (up to episode 3) to find out for myself.
The verdict: I can understand how easy it is to jump on the naysaying bandwagon about remakes (my personal nightmare as realized by Hollywood: La Femme Nikita), but I strongly suspect a lot of the people talking shit haven’t even seen the UK version. I laughed as much during the American episodes as I did the UK ones, and think that if anything, they compliment each other brilliantly – even the subtle contrasts in office environment, for example, offer a peek into the core differences of our societies (I don’t imagine there will be many mid-day drinking scenes in the office in the US version, for instance). The overall comedy styles are quite different, but more importantly, they are entirely compatible. Sometimes seeing the same scene in the UK version as performed by the US cast makes for great comedy in itself. I think a lot of hard work by the cast and creators has paid off for both versions.
Now I’m just waiting for a “The Kaisha” spinoff starring Salaryman.
(Thanks to Mandy for getting me interested in this show; Wattstax review coming soon)

Go take this survey and “find out what strange habits other people have when going to the bathroom.”: The Bathroom Survey
I can’t believe so many people eat when they’re on the pot. That’s just fucking sick, yo. (On the other hand, I suppose that’s how they make those corncobs (for wiping… err, scrubbing?) apparently found in outhouses down south.
Also, regarding front/back alignment of TP on spool, I have a really unhealthy obsession with keeping it strictly front. It bugs the hell out of me to find rolls mounted backward, anywhere. Before houseguests come over, I switch in a new roll to ensure nobody runs out and mounts a roll “backwards” (I use quotes because apparently in the UK and Australia, backwards is the norm, which I found out from me mate, Koala John. Interestingly enough, KJ also told me that raisins are called “sultanas” [Kellogs’ Sultana Bran just sounds wrong to these American ears – it’s like being told apples are known as “manzanacitas” in Wales or something], and that Vegemite on toast actually is not listed in the dictionary as “shit on a shingle,” but I have no idea whether either of the above are commonly consumed on the toilet or not.)
Obviously, “double-dipping” must be the reason so many people claim to always wash their hands.

The London-based Asian Dub Foundation used to be one of my favorite bands. They brought out 3 solid albums over the space of 7 years, each with its own distinct flavor and brilliance, and their live shows were among the most powerful I have ever seen. Their energy on stage was simply infectious, completely void of any commercial or “trying too hard” vibes that ruin most concerts. When asked to describe their music, they replied, “Asian Jungle Punk.” That was pretty much the coolest thing I had ever heard in a band interview, and a fitting description, as well.
So you know how all good things come to an end, right?
Two main things went wrong after their third album: They lost their frontman Deeder and replaced him with two completely annoying twats (who need to split their predecessor’s lyrics between the two of them in order to match the pace of his songs), and they got ridiculously political, with a decidedly anti-American streak.
In fact, the last time I saw them (at Osaka’s Mother Hall), for their 4th album tour, they started chanting “Fuck Bush” in between songs and basically derided the US as the Great Satan, which was an unpleasant slap in the face, especially for someone who really likes their music and could ignore their politics up until that point (also, it was kind of odd that their own country’s leader (a certain T. Blair) and role in Iraq got a total pass during the Bushfucking, but whatever – like I said, the new guys are twats and didn’t seem very bright anyway).
Even though the fourth album had a couple of good tracks and the instrumental side of the band still kicked ass, the performance I witnessed that night forced me to admit the inevitable: ADF was dying. Barring serious changes, the band would spiral deeper and deeper into the sea of sucktitude, carrying everything with them. It was just a matter of time until my fears were confirmed…
Last month, they released a new album called Tank. “Tank,” as in, M1 Abrams in Iraq… I did not buy it because I really hate paying for an album just to confirm that it does indeed suck as badly as you thought. However, I came upon the torrent for it last weekend and burned it to CD after downloading. I am basically writing this post in case there are other long-time Asian Dub Foundation fans out there debating whether to buy the new album (1.) in memory of what once was a Fucking Great Band, or (2.) in hopes there might be one or two redeeming tracks. To be rather blunt:
(1.) DO NOT.
(2.) THERE AREN’T.
Conclusion:
ADF IS DEAD.