Category: Work

Got stung by a rogue mosquito in the back of the head last night and now my neck is all sore from its virulent nerve toxin-saliva or whatever. Told my fellow office drone about it and he said, “don’t worry it’s probably just encephalitis – haha!”
Haha! Very funny, motherfucker.
When you were away from your desk and your client called, I told him you got fired for being a crack whore.

One of the benefits of working next to an R&D laboratory at an electronics manufacturer is that the guys are always playing around with cold lasers and soldering irons and other manly tools of self-destruction. The lab is also the coolest place in the building as the stupid Cool Biz rules don’t apply in there – the huge industrial coolers keep it nice and icy. We all make it a point to walk through there several times a day.
The mad scientists next door are currently developing next-gen hydroponics systems for some project or another. They are testing these systems next to our office windows and on the roof with tomato, eggplant, and cucumber plants, and they obviously are onto something because the yield of these plants is unbelievable. I’ve been supplementing my grocery store and produce stand purchases with what I score at work for the past month or so, and I’m very grateful what with large tomatoes going for a dollar at most Japanese supermarkets.
In work terms, I’m afraid this translates to me commenting that the hydro systems seem to need a bit more tweaking – maybe for, say, energy efficiency! – and that more “testing” is needed. I think I’m going to have to suggest new plants as well, because I’m all cucumbered out.

…for world peace
Today I convinced several Japanese people that Canada can be properly referred to as Little America. A Taiwanese guy in the room snorted; I was gracious enough to ignore this and refrain from making a crack about “Little China.”
In other news, I may have met the worst candidate ever to work in Japan: He hates rice. He hates fish. He hates noodles. He explained that he had just been transferred to the Japan account from Switzerland, where food is apparently “awesome” and there are no communal baths “which are obviously for gays.” Bummer, dude.

Note: This is not a tribute to absinthe.
If you thought my obsessive Gmail observations last week were sad…

That’s right, it’s time for DICTIONARY BLOGGING. This is my ode, in haiku form, to Green Goddess.
Indispensable
I can kill a full grown carp
With your mighty bulk
Seriously, this is a J to E translator’s best dead tree friend.
That is all.

I’m starting a war in the office. Let me explain.
Today, I intentionally broke the Tamanegi Convention. This convention simply states that no one shall consume raw onions right before coming to work. The reasons that this convention is necessary are:
A. This island is most famous for its onions
B. They are in season right now, and are delicious when sliced thin and eaten raw
C. They make your breath smell like ass
However, I would like to point out that the framers of this convention never took into account the fact that I would be returning back to a bachelor’s lifestyle this week, coinciding with coming down with a summer cold and consuming huge NyQuil caps last night, which knocked my ass out cold on the sofa and prevented me from going shopping for groceries. Hence this morning’s breakfast of egg, tomato, and onion sandwich served on a stale heel of bread folded in half.
So a message to all of you in the 9:00 meeting: INCOMING!

Some of my colleagues are on a company ski trip to Hokkaido. I guess it’s an allowed day off on this fine Monday, because they keep bombarding my keitai with pics of white slopes and messages like, “having fun?,” and, “gambatte kudasai!”
Bastards.
G-man, at least, is for some reason being nice and sending non-ski related Engrish-esque findings up in Hokkaido, so I thought I’d post them here:

Um, I guess if you make them, they will come.

There’s a bestiality joke in there somewhere.
Meanwhile, to all of you bastards skiing today: God Will Punish You! A pox on you! A thousand years of morning exercises and pointless safety certification meetings await!

…in preparation for the big move to Thailand in October.
Haven’t done this for five years – just forgot how it felt, ya know?
Honestly describe your professional history in less than a page, without boring anyone too badly OR sounding like you love yourself too awfully much.
I know guys who get off on doing this kind of stuff, but I’m not too crazy about it.

I’ve been walking home from work again lately. I started this eco-transportation pattern last October where I’d ride the bus to work and walk home. My coworkers thought I was crazy because nobody really walks on this island (It’s the closest I’ve come in Japan to seeing as many people owning cars as back home in Cali – there’s no train and the buses suck, so you really need a car). It’s not that far, really, about 5 miles or so. But most people think I’m fucking nuts for walking that far after a full day of work.
It’s turned into kind of a habit because it really calms my nerves to be able to work off stress slowly, grindingly, every day. I can go home and take a shower and relax after that. Yesterday, though, it was really cold or something, cuz when I got back home, I sat down on the sofa anditwassowarmandfuzzy and – POW! – the next thing I know, it was time to go to work again. Didn’t even take a shower.
The funny thing is, Nam was working on school stuff and wedding stuff on the computer, and she kept asking me questions, which I barely registered in a state of half-awake paralysis. So she didn’t think I was really sleeping that long or something, because she ended up staying awake until 5AM doing her stuff. I woke up naturally an hour later, prepared for a presentation I had at 8AM, and came into work early all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I was one of the first to arrive, and greeted everyone with a loud ohayozaimasssu as they walked through the door. Pretty much down to the last man, they all gave me a mental Fuck Off w/red eye beam, and so I knew my transformation to Dedicated Salaryman with No Home Life was complete.

– Wake up at 6:20
– Shit, shower, shave
– Breakfast
– Catch 7:28 bus for work
– Arrive 7:45
– Morning exercises/brainwashing ceremony at 8:00
– Work
– Walk home from work (maybe 45 mins.; will time today)
First day thoughts: Morning exercise routine is for the birds. Everybody stands facing my side of the room, so I have a sinking feeling that everyone is staring at my ass when I bend over. This is not conducive to a pre-lunch bowel movement, and I like to stay regular. Plus, brainwashing exercises are not as interesting, even from a cultural viewpoint, as I once thought. I do not want to go back to drinking coffee on a regular basis. Caffeine baaaaaaaad. How the fuck to stay awake? Maybe I should cut ventilation holes in my skull to keep the circulation going.
Oh god I hate morning people. Yuck. Master J says YUCK.

The past few days have been spent in business meetings and on buses. I’ve spent like ten hours on buses in the last three days. Buses beget buses. Go figure. I’m so wacked I couldn’t remember if BUSES was spelled BUSSES, BUSES, or BUSSESS, so I chose the middle one. When in doubt, straddle the fence (and hope it ain’t barbed wire). Must unplug. Must unwind.
But first, must go back to the office and fill out expense reports. By bus.
Ugh.