Taken from a newsletter found in my inbox today: Here are (sic) some advice from travelers who have been to Japan in the past: “Do as Japanese do” Holy shit, is that the best you can do? Yeah, eat raw sea cows and putrefying fish guts, shit your guts out while squatting over a dank smelly hole in the ground, then jack off to hentai anime with your parents sleeping in the next room, separated only by a sliding rice paper door. “Do as Japanese do?” No wonder I despise travel writers and guide books so fucking much. That’s the laziest fucking advice I’ve ever heard.

I love the sweet smell of vindication in the morning. Now that we have them on the retreat, let us remember why it came to this, why we hates them so, my precioussssssss: LINK Until this abomination is corrected and pirate grabassery is returned to its former glory, for us the song remains the same: YO-HO YO-HO UNPUSSIFY THE PIRATES FOR ME!

Anna had nice tits.

As a visitor to Japan, surely, the worst possible (nick)name you could have is “Huck.”

If you have ever had an accident with a cab in Japan, chances are you have been screwed. The reason? Cab companies often rely on mafia-controlled insurance vendors to do their negotiations. I won’t hear any bullshit about this, either – if you don’t believe me, try getting rear-ended by a taxi and see who ends up with the short end of the stick. I know a guy whose parked car was totalled by a speeding cab in Kyoto – he didn’t like how the insurance companies settled things (he ended up receiving around 100,000 yen [around a grand] toward the purchase of a new car) so he took the…

To the old lady who decided to suddenly step out in front of traffic without looking first this morning: My parking brake saved your life, but I believe you may need to change those Depends. This is not the first time my parking brake saved me from a collision, but I hope it’s the last; the narrow streets of Japan call for this maneuver and I truly believe it should be taught in driving school, although the brunt of the natives have a hard time even remembering which is the “go forward” pedal, so…

Apparently this IS a forbidden subject since I got a dozen e-mails and exactly 0 comments on the post itself. Latitudes and Nichi Nichi linked to the post (thanks guys!) and the comments there were similar to some of the mail I received, and very insightful – they made me realize that I didn’t explain my motive behind posting as well as I could have. Also, I guess that I didn’t clearly distinguish between a reason behind the sneak attack on Pearl Harbor and a justification of it (and to reader Warrin’ G: I dig your handle, but am still unconviced of the government’s intentional role in delaying the receipt…

I swear to God this came up in conversation again today and I realized I probably never wrote about it here, so: I’m not sure what the hell kids are being taught in school today, but it seems to me that the average Japanese person in their 20’s or above is of the opinion that the Japanese were forced to attack the US during WWII. Specifically, that the attack on Pearl Harbor was (perhaps) a ratbastardshitty thing to do, but the Americans forced their hand by cutting off the flow of oil. The first time I heard this was from a close friend at my university, and I remember my…

If you are in Japan during a major disaster and need a place to evacuate, do not blindly follow the people in front of you – they are just as lost and clueless as the people in front of them. Follow the homeless, they know the best places to go. Today they are sprawled all over the massage chairs on display at Jusco, our local department store.

Even more news from our future host country this week: Follow the Leader: Israel and Thailand set an example by arming teachers. Thailand has followed Israel’s lead by allowing school teachers in the troubled southern areas to pack guns at school. I think this is a great idea – who better to keep our children safe at school than their teachers? When I was young, my dad went to a lecture by Mel Tappan (he recorded it on cassette and I think it’s still in the garage somewhere), and brought back a paperback copy of Survival Guns. I believe that book addressed the issue of school shootings and teachers who…