In the Inbox (April 21, 2005)

“We all know the Pope was elected in utmost secrecy; the rooms they held the conclave were swept for bugs, special filtering was setup for radio waves and cell phones, etc… . But you want to know the real reason for all the secrecy and privacy? They’re in there with a bunch of little boys and they didn’t want to get caught…”
All you sick bastards make me so proud…

So much anger…

On behalf of my host country, I would like to extend an official apology to another nearby country:
SORRY! OUR BAD!
Now shut the fuck up and revise your own history books, you fucking commies! (and learn to throw rocks/eggs/bottles in a slightly more manly fashion while you’re at it!)
Between this Japan/China shit and the whole papal buttgasm, there’s hardly a slot for good old-fashioned car chases and Amber alerts on CNN, dammit!

Impoltant!

Recently, dealing with changes due to the new fiscal year have taken up my time at work, and today was no exception. Into my Inbox flies a matter of great concern to the corporate higher-ups: They say we have been bad monkeys, and our poor “upbringing” and “manners” are marring the company’s precious image as of late. Severe breaches in company protocol have been observed, thus they are compelled to remind us of the following:
– Morning exercises are mandatory.
– Break time is finished when the bell chimes.
– Drink vending machines may only be used during break time.
– Eating and drinking are only allowed in break rooms, during break time.
– Drink bottles and cups cannot be placed on desks.
– Talking in the hallways is prohibited (especially idle chatter).
– Walking with your hands in your pockets is prohibited.
I must admit, I am a serious violator on every count. A rebel, have you. At least they didn’t say I had to take my crack pipe off my desk… Ha!

A walk on the riverbed

I took a long walk today and snapped a series of photos with my phone along the way.
At a local construction site, I stumbled upon the Engrish Corporate Slogan of the Year:
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Apparently, this is not a joke (this is the brainchild of Sumitomo Forestry Co., LTD).
Crossing one of the numerous bridges that span the Sumoto River, I spotted oil barriers in the water below:
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Great schools of mullet were congregating on either side of it. It turns out that the barriers are placed there because of the construction they are doing upriver. Basically, they are trying to level out the riverbed since it got so jammed up with debris during the big typhoon last year.
Well, further up the road, I found the runner-up for Engrish Corporate Slogan of the Year:
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I will fondle and grasp my Nissan without having to be told, thank you very much.
What fossil fuel depletion?
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This place is giving it away.
Since the typhoon, the riverbed is just mud-ugly.
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It used to be so nice and… sandy.
Let the heavy machinery pornfest commence:
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I love me a good backhoe.
A trifecta:
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Hitachi, Komatsu, Caterpillar
This sign explains the construction going on:
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“Moving dirt around.”
(Last machinery shot, I promise.)
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Single scoop, or double?
Whereupon I jump down in the riverbed to get closer to the action:
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Gordon Freeman, where are you?
Vanity shot:
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I love sand and shadows.
Found someone’s boat.
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If my bro were here, we would take it for sure.
I have been walking for an hour now and realize I am trapped in the mudflats.
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There is only one way out.
Shot taken over my shoulder:
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This isn’t so bad. I’m a single jump away from freedom…
Made it!
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Ah, to be 5 years old again.
THE END