Recently, dealing with changes due to the new fiscal year have taken up my time at work, and today was no exception. Into my Inbox flies a matter of great concern to the corporate higher-ups: They say we have been bad monkeys, and our poor “upbringing” and “manners” are marring the company’s precious image as of late. Severe breaches in company protocol have been observed, thus they are compelled to remind us of the following:
– Morning exercises are mandatory.
– Break time is finished when the bell chimes.
– Drink vending machines may only be used during break time.
– Eating and drinking are only allowed in break rooms, during break time.
– Drink bottles and cups cannot be placed on desks.
– Talking in the hallways is prohibited (especially idle chatter).
– Walking with your hands in your pockets is prohibited.
I must admit, I am a serious violator on every count. A rebel, have you. At least they didn’t say I had to take my crack pipe off my desk… Ha!

10 thoughts on “Impoltant!

  1. Damn, those are tight rules.
    Do you follow these rules? I can see the typical types following like good robots, but I suspect your background makes conforming to this sort of thing a bit tougher…

  2. A bunch of us sat around yesterday reading these out loud for laughs but the punchline was when the senior manager came around (he’s a great guy) and said I was the reason the rules are being emphasized again. That may or may not be true, which is kind of what made it funny.
    For the record, I say the best way to convince people to not walk with their hands in their pockets is to let them fall on their face a few times. But this has absolutely zero bearing on manners or how someone was brought up; it’s strictly a safety issue, right?

  3. Justin old boy,
    I am afraid I was subjected rather to a grammar school education in England. One of the precious morsels of wisdom this instilled in me is that, indeed, it is bad manners to perambulate with ones hands in ones pockets, unless for the express purpose of de-trousering ones pocket handkerchief or coin purse.
    Pip pip.

  4. Ben,
    I’m slightly miffed being told this by the same individual who nearly got expelled for flashing his buttocks (love that word) the last week at Carden School. However, “de-trousering” is by far the best word I’ve learned this month, so thank you for that. Queen’s English rocks!
    Fine, girls are yucky anyway.

  5. Is that wee Ben from Carden School in Camarillo?
    My how time flies! Jus, tell the muckymucks that mom rules cap his rules anytime. Moms rule, period. Now, go stick your hands in your trouser pockets and keep those froggies, worms and other precious items from falling out!

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