urgent

FROM:MR AHMED SALEH
THE MANAGER,
UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA,
ALABA INT’L BRANCH,
3 AGUDOSI ST
LAGOS-NIGERIA.
Sir,
I am pleased to get across to you for a very urgent and profitable business proposal, though I don’t know you neither have I seen you before but my confidence was reposed on you when the Chief Executive of Lagos State chamber of Commerce and Industry handed me your contact for a confidential business.
I am the manager of United Bank for Africa Plc (UBA), Alaba Int’l branch,Lagos Nigeria. The intended business is thus; we had a customer, a Foreigner resident in Nigeria, he was a Contractor with one of the Government Parastatals. He has in his Account in my branch the sum of US$12.5 Million (Twelve million,five hundred thousand U.S Dollars).Unfortunately, the man died four years ago until today non-of his next of kin has come forward to claim the money.
Having noticed this, I in collaboration with one other top Official of the bank covered up the account all this while. Now we want you (being a foreigner) to be fronted as one of his next of kin of the deceased and forward all the necessary information to be advised to you by us to attest to the Claim.
We will use our positions to get all internal documentation to back up the claims. The whole procedures will last only ten working days to get the fund retrieved successfully without trace even in future. Your response is only what we are waiting for as we have put all machineries that will be instrumental to the success of the transaction in motion.
As soon as this message comes to you kindly get back to me indicating your interest, with your telephone and fax number then I will furnish you with the whole procedures to ensure that the deal is successfully Concluded. For your assistance, we have agreed in principle to offer you 30% of the total sum at the end of the transaction.
It is risk free and a big mega fortune. All correspondences towards this transaction will be through telephone and e-mail. I await your earliest response.
Thanks,
Yours Sincerely,
MR. AHMED SALEH
Email: ah_saleh84@yahoo.com

Re: urgent
Mr. Ahmed Saleh,
I am very interested in your proposal, but considering the risks I must insist on 50% of the total big mega fortune. If you can agree to this counter-proposal, please respond to this message with your phone and fax number.
Is this offer for real? I could really use the cash since I spend most of my days converting ignorance and bewilderment into the wisdom of primordial awareness/universal lawfulness…
Best Regards,
C. Buddha
UPDATE: Damn, they already got him.

Site News Redux

For whatever reason you are here (for instance, if I have spammed you), welcome! The entire Cosmic Buddha site is under heavy construction, and work is being done incrementally on the static pages as well as on all weblogs hosted here. I’m working as fast as my schedule allows (read: very slowly), but my isn’t that boring to read about!
The static pages are quite old but still get a lot of hits from people looking for free kimono pics (the joke is on you, I took them all down!). I am working on installing image galleries again, and will let you know when they are up.
In addition to this main blog (weblog) I also update a moblog (mobile weblog) from my cellphone fairly regularly. You can visit it here:
http://www.cosmicbuddha.com/moblog/
Until I installed Movable Type on this hosted site, I did a lot of writing using outside web tools (namely Blogger and Yapeus) here:
http://cosmicbuddha.com/tempblog/
http://yapeus.com/users/cosmicbuddha/
That about covers the scope of my online ego at this point. I used to manage some corporate sites but blahblahblah blahblah blahblahblahblahblah…
Please visit often.
Ah, also – you can email me at:
j(AT)cosmicbuddha.com

What I Did This Weekend…

asse.jpg
I just sat around eating asse! It’s made by Morinaga (turn up the volume before clicking this link), so you can be sure it’s quality asse that melts in your mouth! I think this my new favorite food…
Note: There are 18 pieces of asse in one box. Enough for a home party!

Matrix Reloaded

Indeed.
I liked it.
There was one cheesy edit in the “Big Fight” sequence (when Smith first replicates). It was when Neo defies the law of everything and slides on his back to escape the 87th time. Even though it only lasted a second, it remained an indelible stain on the rest of the movie like the “Legolas Railslide” in The Two Towers or the Chow Yun “sliding between legs w/M-16” move from the car wash scene in Replacement Killers.
Funny that his being able to fly didn’t bother me at all.

Hanshin Tigers Tidbit

One of the more interesting stories concerning the Hanshin Tigers victory this year (so far they have won the Central League chamionships and will play for the Japan Series title later this month) is one I overheard at work. Apparently, this story was seen on TV, reported by TV star Sonomama Higashi, and regards the victory jumps into the Dotombori river by rabid Hanshin fans in Osaka when they won the Central League title.
As you may already know, there was one fatality among the jumpers, a guy who was pushed into the river and died of shock/drowning. There were several injuries as well, not the least common of which can be attributed to the fact that the Dotombori River is notoriously polluted and the water is very probably harmful if swallowed. The river has been polluted by upstream manufacturing for centuries, and is a sluggish, murky cesspool even during the brightest hours of the day.
For some reason, it has always attracted idiots who jump into it to celebrate something, or more commonly, to reaffirm manhood. In a very typical digression I must mention here that I had a classmate at university named Asada (as in Carne) whose hobby it was to strip down butt-nekkid, wrestle with bystanders and the police who oversee the bridge in question (Ebisu-bashi AKA Nampa-bashi due to the pick-up artists who hang out there), then jump into the river to “escape”. He was arrested multiple times for this stunt, and had friends videotape these escapades. I remember seeing one of these tapes; maybe Dave still has a copy…
Unless you read Japanese, you may not be aware that there was plan launched by the fan of a rival team to harm Hanshin fans, in anticipation of the Hanshin win and the celebratory river-jumping. Apparently, he released some piranhas and a small alligator into the the river, near the bridge the night before. The punchline is that the piranhas quickly perished and floated up to the surface, and the alligator immediately swam to the other bank and escaped. And the next day, hundreds of Hanshin fans willingly dunked themselves in the same water.
When people say Hanshin fans are crazy, this may be the kind of thing they are talking about.
P.S. My first year in Japan I also wanted to jump into the river because I never saw anybody doing it and it was a hot summer day. My friend said if I touched that water, he wouldn’t let me ride in the car, so I refrained. Heh.

Must. Have. Chill. Pill.

Well, my Yapeus account is toast it seems. The admin hosed everybody’s moblog data, although they have a backup from September. I’m very glad I decided to consolidate all my bloggage with MT.
Regarding this site, I’m still having trouble with the design, mainly because I can’t spare a full day or two to tweak the way I like to – straight through in a single session, that is.
On another note, today my manager pissed me off so bad I fantasized about… with a… but instead of giving into my anger like a baaad padawan I thought about my happy place and sang the Happy Tree Friends song in my head and then silently dissented by going home early.
But I’m much better now.

Why I Lied So Blatantly

I have several good reasons:
1. Thomas Pynchon’s Gravity’s Rainbow (Official Throne Room Book of the Month): I am on the first page. The first two words, if truth be told, but they were tough words to memorize, OK?
2. Neal Stephenson’s Quicksilver: I currently have two copies – one I bought at amazon and another my bro sent me from amazon for my birthday. Unfortunately, I do not have two toilets so I cannot put them both to use in the pimpest way imaginable, that is, placing identical reading materials in multiple Throne Rooms. One copy goes to my brother I guess, although I suspect a conspiracy on his part since he knows I love Neal enough to go as far as playing CS for two years as “hiroprotagonist.”
3. William Gibson’s Pattern Recognition: My first Gibson on actual paper media. (Anybody who hasn’t read Neuromancer on-screen is missing the entire point. Although if available, I would buy a boxed set of all his works printed in silver solder on recycled circuit boards to appease my inner Otaku.)
4. Mark Cerasini’s 24 The House Special Subcommitie’s Findings at CTU: A novel that fills plot gaps and background in the first series of the TV show 24 (which leads into the other reasons I am a Lying Liar who Lies; see below)
5. 24, Second Season: Well, Nena was half the reason I liked the first season so much and I didn’t think they could top it overall, but the second season is pretty good too. Although I do have to say that the appearance of a cougar (factoid: In Japanese, cougars are called “American Lions”) was the most pointless bullshit this show has yet produced.
6. ALIAS, First Season: Not as good as 24, but fascinating in that I spent the entire time trying to figure out if Jennifer Garner (who plays the shi-roprotagonist, Sydney) is pretty in real life or not. No, I do not mean in magazines or on TV, but I mean in real life. My woman and I got a kick out of watching her character’s de-facto fight move (reverse jumping spin kick) in the fight scenes. Thug w/Glock? Reverse jumping spin kick. Multiple baddies with kung-fu grip shankin action? Reverse jumping spin kick. Asian torture dude with dental assistant aspirations? Reverse jumping spin kick. Yes, she is a kickboxer made for television. And the hallmark weakness of traditional kickboxing (lack of uppercut) is made very apparent in this series. In fact, barehanded combat is shown as very weak so far – I don’t recall anybody being taken out without some serious combinations being landed. This makes for flashy fight scenes (although Sydney’s partner Dixon knows exactly ONE effective move taken straight from the Green Hornet series) , but what ALIAS really needs right now is the Tiger Uppercut. If I were the producer, I would send the whole cast to training sessions at the CAPCOM/WU-TANG School of Fighting Prowress and Cultural Sensitivity and wouldn’t let them back on the show until they could defeat masters Dhalsim, Blanka, and ODB at the same time. I mean, I would basically like them to be able to show Van Damme what a Razor Kick is all about, ya know?
7. Battlefield 1942 – Secret Weapons of WWII: This is a better expansion pack for BF1942 than the first one, Road to Rome. I mean, the Germans have a (non-functional) UFO for chrissakes! The jetpacks and jet gliders are pretty fun, too, and the Allied flying wing-type jet mounts rockets instead of machine guns. Tight! On some levels, the engineers have really useful alternate weapons. The Allied engineers have (auto?)shotties instead of Springfields and the Axis engineers have rifle-launched grenades instead of potato-mashers. Oh, and knives can be thrown (and used up) now, although it seems like heresy every time I chuck my Fairbank Sykes at an unsuspecting Kraut. The maps for BF1942 are getting really sweet – this is still one of the best-looking FPS titles in the killkillkill/capture the flag category.
8. Counter-strike: Just plain ol’ CS 1.5; Version 1.6 is still down. That is to say, the Steam servers are blocked or down. No more FAMAS (25-round mag sucks but I really like how this gun sounds. Tri-burst setting is representative of real life, I feel – totally unnecessary. It’s all about trigger [button?] control.). No more GALIL (I like this gun but I find it funny that it’s so cheap in this game. Almost half the price of a bread and butter AK? Kewl.) No more Ballistic Shield (and accompanying Shield-fu CT moves). Wah! At least I played a good new map (de_airninja) as well as an old stand-by (starwars) on 1.5.
BTW I am contemplating starting a CS blog because I really like to contemplate doing shit for which I have absolutely no time. Or negative time, even. My projects start out in the red. And spiral down into lighter and lighter shades of pink until…POOF! For instance: I could take the time I’m not spending on my moblog and invest it on starting a CS blog complete with daily screenshots (i 0nZ j00!)… But I would eventually have to split stocks on that as well in order to fund my next project…
9. I am a lazy bastard.
Curiously enough, the reasons I listed above are either listed reversely in order of importance, or are listed completely at random. I finished #6 above, am two hours away from finishing #5, will probably never finish #7 or 8, and will get back to you about thoughts on #1 – 4 when I’m done. After all, I’m thinking of making various reviews my next project…

Bloggage

I am so tired of procrastinating… This weekend, I promise new entries and a bit of sitework too. Last night I got home before 10 pm for the first time in a month or so… So I spent it watching the first season of ALIAS, which came from amazon yesterday along with a couple books… But I will cover this in full this weekend. I promise.