Category: Japanese Society/Culture

This is a heads up to anybody trying to get in touch with the ?????????? (Social Insurance Operation Center) from overseas. The old telephone number listed on all of their official forms 03-3334-3131 or 0333343131 (dialed from overseas as 81-3-3334-3131 or 81333343131) is no longer in service and you may or may not hear a recorded NTT message that says their new number is 057-007-1165 or 0570071165. However, upon dialing this new number you will receive another recorded message stating that “this number is not reachable from overseas.” If you are like me, you will get a shrinking feeling in your stomach…
Then you will use your 1337 search skillz and perhaps find the needle in a haystack on a procurement document for toner cartridges: 03-5344-1100 (from overseas dial 81-3-5344-1100)
They will ask for an extension; tell them you’re a foreigner and love sushi and geisha, and everything will work out.
You’re welcome.

I ordered a Coolpix for a friend through an online electronics shop a couple days ago after finding the cheapest price on kakaku.com. These are the fuckers in question: http://www.sds-wave.com
This is the camera they sent me:

That’s basically all it can do, is display this initialization screen for about ten seconds before shutting itself down. The shit is obviously broken. Yet, SDS-WAVE will not let me exchange it for a new one, refund my money, or fix it for me. I told them I am leaving next week for another country and they were like, “hey, it sucks to be you, gaijin. Have a good time working that claim through Nikon Customer Support.”
You know what? The joke’s on them. I’ve been on the phone with people at Nikon since yesterday, and guess who’s gaijin-hating ass is gonna get product yanked? Nikon is also making things right regarding the defective product I was sold.
Next thing is to make sure SDS-WAVE’s deplorable business practices are made known to the price sites/boards they are using to dupe people with. Don’t fuck with me, bitches. I’ll go out of my way to pay you back tenfold.
Meanwhile, buyer beware! This is one bad shop, filled with liars, thieves, and men of no honor! Don’t get cheated like I did; go elsewhere!

No?
How about a tasty glass of water from the Yodogawa?

The Osaka municipal government’s Water Bureau plans to sell bottles of highly purified tap water from Yodogawa river in an attempt to dispel a long-held belief among residents that the city’s water does not taste good.
Even though the tap water is now purified at facilities with cutting-edge technology, there are still many locals who say the water smells and is not drinkable.
The municipal government plans to hold a competition to choose a name and design for the bottles that will present a positive image of the city while keeping an eye on sales of bottled tap water in other cities.

I know! How about “Massengill ??????”
Full story here.

Would it suffice to say that I spent 7 hours today waiting to get treated for a common cold, then got overcharged, and then got written the wrong prescription? Or should I add that they tried to charge me for getting the right prescription after I came back from the pharmacy?
Seven hours! I read the book I took along (Dogs and Demons, a truly appropriate reread for today) one and a half times!
Future residents of Japan, I bequeath the nation’s gloooorious health care system unto thee!
(The first rule of Japanese hospitals: You shall not visit without being written a prescription)

We have a photo book on this war inherited from my grandfather somewhere back home. I used to browse through it a lot when I was little without ever understanding what it was about. The main thing that sticks out in my mind is that there were a lot of photos of Japanese soldiers on bicycles – it seemed that was the major mode of transportation at the time.

“The Russo-Japanese War stands as one of the key events that ushered in the twentieth century. At the time it was widely understood to be a racial conflict and an epochal confrontation between East and West. In terms of the weaponry utilized, the level of casualties, and the political ramifications, the actual conflict itself, lasting from February 1904 until the signing of a peace treaty in early September 1905, was arguably the first modern war.”
…….
“Through a series of major battles (at, for example, the Yalu River in May, 1904) the Japanese established dominance on land as well as at sea. In August, 1904 the Japanese undertook the siege of Port Arthur, which was heavily fortified and protected by electrified wire, entrenched defensive positions, and even planks filled with protruding nails. The trench warfare and Japanese frontal assaults in the face of heavy artillery fire, machine guns, and grenades—often under the bright glare of spotlights–were extraordinarily costly. Approximately one mile of territory separated the outer defenses from the city itself; 100,000 Russian and Japanese soldiers would be wounded or killed in the next 5 months, as the Japanese inched forward. Russian forces in Port Arthur surrendered on January 2, 1905.”

This page contains a “chronologically arranged gallery of cartoons that offers one sort of timeline for the Russo-Japanese War.”



The entire gallery is worth taking a look at, and I recommend the following as a soundtrack (if the music starts and stops during playback, try pausing it for a little while before playing to let the file partially pre-load):

HERE.

Just in time for my last-minute feeding on all things quintessentially nihon.
Here’s to the next million, and the next, and the next…
I’ve been waiting, patiently, for three years – it’s not just the don itself that I desire, it’s the ability to stroll into the little shop with the orange sign and cramped seating 24/7 and know that my little mound (read: ? and only ?) of heavenly stewed beef topped with a raw egg is instantly and inexpensively available for me, and only me, me, me. Okay, that last part is flexible, I’ll share with you, because you’re speeeecial. Let’s gyu.
UPDATE: On the other side of the spectrum lies shit beneath one’s contempt. Like a “Trout Burger“. That’s the most ironic fish-related term since “delicious bass.”
Just for the record, this article hit me hard because I am Rainbow Trout Nazi. I hereby proclaim the One True Way regarding preparation of rainbow trout: Lightly breaded and pan fried, drizzled with fresh lemon juice – this is because rainbow trout meat is inherently mushy. Wrapped in basil and watercress? Crispy miso? That sounds like a euphemism for shit-stained BVDs. Hey yo, fuck a trout burger. Seriously.

My time is almost up; the next wave of invaders is already here. I have seen them on the streets and I hear them on the trains. I leave the future colonization of Japan in their able hands.