Author: Justin

On Incompetence

Thou art a vile pimple on the arse of humanity, yet it pains to smite thee thusly…
Were it not for the heinous afflictions suffered unto thine colleagues, thou might err justly on the side of righteousness and bear forgivance!
But… Two separate incidents marked with the same gross display of incompetence in the space of a fortnight?
Woe!
Woe, I say!
A pox upon thee!
…

Yoda Revisited

kuro-kikuchigorge.jpg
Looking through some photos I took last year brought back memories of the one-eyed kitten we rescued and eventually named Yoda. His was a happy ending.
My sister took him as carry-on when she went back home to the states last summer. He now lives at my family’s house and apparently weighs more than our Shih Tzu.
I have missed having pets here in Japan.

72 Virgin Goats

It occurs to me that on a scale of Loserdom, a white supremacist with a mother named Maria Del Prado is second only to these suicide bombers you occasionally see on the news whose vests go off prematurely, killing only themselves.
One can only hope these losers spend eternity comparing notes on their failed lives and getting eaten by 72 virgin goats in an oasis of poison oak and concertina wire.
Damn, what was in my coffee today?

Disposable Heroes

How can it be so easy to spot shortcomings in other people while being completely blind to one’s own? For instance, I remember how badly other people’s hypocrisy used to bug me, but I became so used to it, it never fazes me much anymore – to the point where I can justify my own if its pointed out, say, during an argument. I think people build up a resistance to a lot of the bullshit they are confronted with, but only at the expense of their own values. Is this why you sometimes meet old friends only to find that you like the memory of them much better than their actual current selves?
Reading the crap I just wrote above, I now realize I am mumbling to myself online.
Cool.

…and the law got body-checked

So I got the call from the bank yesterday and they changed their minds about having me inside the bank, I guess. They offered to meet me on my lunch break in the union office next to our company cafeteria today. They told me to bring ID and my hanko (personal seal) to sign off on a receipt, to which I said, “no.” The guy replied I could sign my name instead of using a hanko (as if that was the problem), and I basically made up my mind to not sign a goddamn thing before going into the meeting today. I mean, I did nothing wrong, so why should I have to do anything to get back what is rightfully mine? I even mused over demanding they pay interest on the money they “borrowed” from me for 24 hours, but to be honest, I got tired of the whole damn thing and just wanted to end it quickly and painlessly.
But. The rep they sent today was a total fucking tool. First of all, he didn’t even apologize for the shit they put me through. Second, he sneered at me when he said my first name, as if it was a piece of foreign shit sullying the inside of his mouth. If you know me, you will be proud to hear that I didn’t strangle him on the spot. No, I was determined to get through this shit and forget about it as quickly as possible. However, bankboy slipped up – he didn’t check my ID and just asked me to sign a receipt. I took out a pen and pretended to read it over during which time he laid a cash envelope on the table. I counted the cash (all 25,000 was there), slipped it in my wallet, and stood up to leave.
As I exited the office, bankboy yells, “Yoshida – wait, you gotta sign this receipt!”
So now it’s Yoshida, eh? What happened to “Jasuchin,” you little bitch? I reply, “Is it gonna be a problem if I don’t? Will you be inconvenienced?”
“Yes, it will be an inconvenience!” he says.
“Good, now you’ll know how inconvenienced I felt yesterday” is the line I was waiting to drop all day, and now that I’ve used it to full effect, the girls eating lunch behind the counter are quietly cheering me on.
I walk out of the office and down the hall, and this is where the story takes a turn because – you guessed it – bankboy isn’t ready to let the matter drop. No, he decides it’s time for physical confrontation. He lets out a kiai, grabs my shoulder from behind, then gets in front of me, blocking my path with his body and grabbing the front of my work uniform. Then, he is grabbing for air and grabbing the wall, because somehow my body remembered how to be a defensive lineman after all these years and sent him flying without slowing down for even a second.
I did not look back.
It will be interesting to see if they come after me in some way – through my company or the union, or even the authorities (there’s my hard-wired paranoia circuit kicking in). But I won’t lose any sleep over it. Stupid fucks.
UPDATE: They DID come after me. Surprise, surprise. Luckily, my company LOVES me and stood behind me all the way. A couple of my supervisors came to see me and were as apologetic as the bank shoud have been. I explained the matter in detail and finally decided to sign the receipt (which the supervisors were passed from the bank) because it would have inconvenienced my company, who as far as I’m concerned is a completely innocent and unrelated party in this matter. However, I was adamant about having the bankboy reprimanded for being unapologetic and more importantly, physically assaulting me, and the supervisors promised to get on the bank’s ass about it for me. So… Closure. Sweet, sweet closure.
I FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE LAW GOT BODY-CHECKED.

Top Historical Uses of the ‘F’ Word

1. “Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!” – Noah, 4314 BC
2. “How the f*** did you work that out?” – Pythagoras, 126 BC
3. “You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?” – Michelangelo, 1566
4. “Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?” – Custer, 1877
5. “What the f*** do you mean, ‘we’re sinking?'” – Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912
6. “It does SO f***ing look like her!” – Picasso, 1926
7. “Where the f*** are we?” – Amelia Earhart, 1937
8. “Any f***ing idiot could understand that.” – Einstein, 1938
9. “What the f*** was that?” – Mayor Of Hiroshima – 1945
10. “I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!” – JFK, 1963
11. “Aw c’mon. Who the f*** is going to find out?” – Bill Clinton, 1997
12.”Damn, I didn?t think they?d get this f***ing mad.” – Saddam Hussein, 2003

Japanese Toilet Paper

I am not the only person who has scraped his asshole raw with the sandpaper commonly dispensed in public toilets in Japan. This is fact. However, I may be the only one blogging about it today, which makes me special. The entire point of this post is to point out that the Japanese should emulate the Brits with regard to this matter.
Also, is “hemorrhoids/haemorrhoids” like “color/colour?”
That is all.