Things I Learn from My Patients

This one is dedicated to my baby sister, who is currently attending med school in sweet home Chicago. From the Student Doctor Network Forums, Things I Learn From My Patients.
– Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto bismol.
– Don’t road surf on the top of a moving stickshift car driven by your younger sibling with a learner’s permit.
– Never, ever leave flashlights, shampoo bottles, beer bottles or any long, circular object on the floor because someday you will fall on it and it will somehow, work its way up your rectum.
– To complement the above, “if you come in with a salsa jar in your rectum, don’t give the staff a fruit cake as a thank you present.”
We have a good friend out in Nara who’s an OB/GYN. She always has interesting stories about women who come in with something or another stuck in one of their southernmost orifices. My favorite (albeit sad) story was the one about the woman who’s husband who wanted to play seduction master with a potato and then accused her of being “frigid” when he couldn’t get it out!

3 thoughts on “Things I Learn from My Patients

  1. Frigid? LOL just imagine his surprise if he put in a potato, and in return got a twat-full of waffle chips!
    Sub-title to that last story: “Lube is your friend.”
    Have you checked out the “Rectal Foreign Bodies” website? I love the stories that accompany some of the xrays. Just love it.

  2. eeenough already! It was so worrisome when you little kids would stick beans, seed pods and any other foreign object up your noses, in your ears, etc. Big ER bills! I guess some people never outgrow the fascination for seeing “what it’s like” to stick stuff up and into the lower orifices! Just remember to Be Kind to Animals and other living things. And just because you CAN do it, doesn’t mean you should!

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