30 Years Old – Initial Observations

1. Beer is still best served ice cold (amazingly, I had anticipated this one).
2. Your older friends weren’t just joking the whole time, they really are happy you’ve joined their middle-aged ranks.
3. Guitar solos still sound better when you’re wasted.
3a. People still call it Teenage Wasteland.
4. You still hate it when the pitifully drunk basket case comes to relate their newest tragedies.
4a. “…cause no one else cares”
4b. It’s still too fucked up to reply, “Either do I”
4c. But it’s still fun to fantasize about.
5. People still come to see what you’re doing on the computer (in a bar for chrissake!) and because you don’t want to even begin to try explaining what blogging is to the average drunk non-geek, you just tell them you’re “reading mail.”
5a. And perhaps you still suddenly feel very self-conscious and cut your post short.

Armageddon Approaches Swiftly

As I spend the last hours of my youth at sea, on a ferry to Osaka to be precise, I can’t help but think with much pride that I’M STILL IN MY TWENTIES!!!!!!!

Is this Violently Happy?

1091747615rainbow-fujimibashi_001.jpg
This huge double rainbow against a gray sky made me feel really strange. I felt a weird obligation to be happy, but it was actually quite gloomy. Maybe this is what it feels like to be Bjork.

Animal Testing

MSDS. It stands for Material Safety Data Sheet, and those of you who don’t already know what it is aren’t missing out on much. An MSDS describes the chemical properties, hazards identification, first aid measures, accidental spill measures, storage and handling information, etcetera etcetera blahblahblahblah of a substance in uniformly boring detail (except the hand-scrawled ones from China, legal status of which is sometimes worrying, but which can be amusing from a “is there really a company called TIN DONG PLASTICS, Ltd.?” perspective). Anyway, when a new material is being evaluated for a product, the basic research starts with its MSDS to determine if it’s suitable. Some of you working in shipping departments may know what an MSDS is since it must be included when shipping certain substances.
So I was reading one of these documents today for a kind of synthetic material (let’s call it “Smaktophonium 57” for simplicity’s sake) I had to research, and came across the following:

SKIN:
In studies on albino rabbits, Smaktophonium 57 copolymers caused moderate skin irritation. Molten polymer causes thermal burns.

I’d like to believe they didn’t test that last part on the rabbits.

EYES:
In studies on albino rabbits, Smaktophonium 57 copolymers were found to be transient, moderate eye irritants.”

Well, that’s pretty fucked up. Bad karma, labdudes. I’m sure the rabbits would agree. But what I really want to know is, how the fuck do you tell if an albino rabbit’s eyes are irritated?
visine.jpg
Yo! You in the white coat! Pass the visine already, fucker.

Ito-En Mugi Cha

1091571025ito-en-mugicha_001_001.jpgThis is one of the best commonly available brands of mugi cha (barley tea). When served cold, it has the perfect afterbite that makes this type of tea so addictive. Oh, I photoshopped it a bit with my phone cause the actual label is kinda boring.

Gideon Competition

1091570979bejus-buddha_001.jpgThere are two books you will find in any hotel room in Japan (love hotels excluded): A Gideon’s Bible and The Teachings of Buddha. The latter must be the most oft-stolen book in Japan, because every newcomer I see seems to own a copy.

Nishi Umeda Reflection

1091546133HAL-bldg_001.jpgTook a nice early morning stroll and saw this reflection of my hotel on the HAL building, which houses Mode Gakuen, a trendy art school that many people with green hair and body piercings attend.

Ill Communication

flashing-desk.jpg
So how do I flash, “send up a hooker, two midgets, and a video camera?”
Yes, I’m at the Hard-on Hotel (that’s really how it sounds when they pronounce it). My clients are at the nearby 4-star. Go figure.

Countdown to Armageddon – Part I

Hey, I just got back to my Osaka business hotel from dinner with some clients. Like, right this second. And the first thing on my mind? “I haven’t blogged forever – I think I’ll write a post even before taking off my GodAwfulStanky socks. So obviously, I’m hammered. But then again, I’m in my twenties, so everything is good.
On August 6, 1945, the Enola Gay, a United States Air Force B-29 aircraft, dropped the “Little Boy” atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan. The city was leveled.
On August 6, 1974, another bomb was dropped:
twentiesh-eyes.jpg
Ouch like a motherfucker, y’all. Seriously.
Never thought this life would be such a blast, but you all have made it worth living and then some. Props.