The Price of Gas in Japan

This is just a little tidbit and not even really a useful tip in the grand scale of things, but as it stands right now, the cheapest place to fill up your car anywhere in Japan is at a highway gasoline stand. Due to the sharp price rise of gasoline earlier this week, prices are now generally over 140 yen per liter (that’s $4.60 a gallon for regular gasoline! FUCK!). However, due to some provision, the gasoline stations you see at the highway rest stops all over Japan have a cap on the price per liter at 137 yen.
They (read: The MAN) are looking to close this loophole sometime within the next month, so if you happen to pass a gas station on the highway soon, it might make you happy to stop and fill up your tank (It will make me happy, at least. I love sticking it to The Man.)
The price of gasoline in Japan can be broken down by the following formula:

  • 30% of the money that you pay for gasoline is the actual cost of the refined dead dino juice
  • 50% goes to taxes
  • 20% is what’s left for the retailer to try and squeeze a profit from (and it’s suspected that at least half goes towards paying for the Minister of Transportation’s fleet of sleek black limousines. It pays to be top dog, baby.)

In addition, that sound you hear at the pump is:

  • Money literally being sucked from your credit card (after all, who carries around that much cash?) at insane speeds, especially if you’re a dumbshit like me and insist on ????? (high octane gasoline)
  • The Man and his band of wild Arab oil magnates sticking a fist right up your ass! That’s why the gas station attendants bow to you when you drive off – you just got FUCKED, kid!

Jehovan Awakening

If I were asked how I would like to be awakened at six in the morning on the third day of a three day weekend, “by a Jehovah’s Witness” would be near the bottom of the list, believe me. Obviously though, God thought differently today. And it really sucks, because I was having a dream about flying, you know, the full on will-yourself-off-the-ground-and-begin-floating freedom only afforded one without the sting of disappointment when rudely awoken seemingly once every few years. So, fuck! the doorbell was rung relentlessly and I instantly vowed to kill the fucker who dared ruin my awesome flying experience.
I opened the door to a short obachan with hair dyed light purple (it’s a geriatric Asian thing), who started with a curt, “Oh, did I wake you? Sumimasen.”
I’m in my underwear wiping boogers out of my eyes, ya think?
She thrust the following in my hands and says, “We’re passing these out…”:

“EVERYDAY IMAGES OF JAPAN” by ?????? (click to enlarge)

And with that, she walked away. Walked away! Bioooooootch! If you’re not even gonna try and convert people, why even ring doorbells! At six in the morning!
Note to future solicitors of less plausible/just plain crazy-ass religions: At least have the courtesy to stick around and say something so I can tell you to fuck off and slam the door in your face; then you can go home crying to the great floppy bunny rabbit (named after the guy who cuts people’s lawns) in the sky! Fucking fanatics! Six in the fuckin’ morning!

Calling Franky Four Fingers: Job Offer!

Cue Fuckin’ in the Bushes:

Position Title: Diamonds Assistant
Location: Ueno-Tokyo, Japan
Job Listing: I need a Japanese guy who can help our diamonds activities such as sort certified goods at the brinks office and other things. No need for special education. We need a very reliable person.
To apply for this position, please send your resume as the body of an email message to jobs(at) with ID#7692 in the subject line. No file attachments.

Note: Make sure to bring a tea cozy and a hacksaw to the interview, and practice the following line for perfection: Ver ees ze STONE?

Parking Inspector Assault #2

This time it happened in Okayama, the home of Momotaro (the chldren’s story character, not the kaitenzushi chain): Man busted for biting parking inspector
Now I’m just waiting for the first BIG story to hit. You know, “Man Drags Parking Inspector 2 Kilometers, Claims He Thought It Was Rat,” or, “Angry Ninjutsu Student Disembowels Parking Inspector,” something like that. Followed by a critical review of how revenues collected from third-party ticket collections aren’t reaching the projects they were intended for, how parking inspectors are ticketing innocent cars because they work on an underhand commission from their employers, and how it’s STILL FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND A PARKING SPACE ANYWHERE IN THE CITY.
Let’s all guess how many politician’s relatives started companies in the past six months that bid on the ticketing work…
Related Links:
The first assault on an inspector (flying knee kick of death)
Wherein I predicted violence unto parking inspectors (Truth be told, I was kinda looking forward to it… It’s all fun unil someone’s eye gets poked out.)


One interesting phenomenon is the Japanese tendency to add “-ing” to the end of every verb when speaking English. I guess this is just an extension of that in written form, but I’ll be damned if I know how to pronounce it.