I had to be extra careful for the past day or so because little problems started popping up in the same 24 hour period, and I took them as signs from James Brown in the sky that I had to be careful not to freak the funk. There were four signs in total:
- Yesterday, I noticed a wasp’s nest on a sapling in our front yard when I got home and immediately thought to spray it with insecticide, but decided to be nice and refrained from doing so. Later, when I was watering the yard with the hose in one hand and Max on the other arm, I must have sprayed the nest when we were standing next to the sapling in question. I saw a quick flash of yellow and black, and reflexively batted it out of my face, but not before the little bastard stung me on the bridge of my nose. I tried to ignore the quickly spreading pain as I tried to determine whether Max was crying because I ‘d swung him around to ward off any wasps on him or because he’d been stung. It took me a minute to take him inside the house and inspect the exposed parts of his body and by that time he had stopped crying. The intensity of the pain on my nose was getting worrisome and I readied my phone so that I could call Nam (who was coming home a bit late from work) with the push of the send button in case I blacked out or something… But then the pain peaked and I knew I would be OK. Max was playing with toys inside so I took the opportunity to run outside with a can of mosquito spray and completely soak the nest and chase off the angry guardians. Then I set it on fire with a can of WD-40. Then I knocked it off the branch and ground it into the driveway, crushing all the gross little green larvae into paste. Then I set the crushed remains on fire with a splash of gasoline. I would have finished by pissing on the smoking remains, but there were people passing by on the street… PAYBACK’S A BITCH, BUGS!
- After getting stung on the nose, I hung out with the baby and waited until mommy got home. I took Max to the shower, and he took a huge dump in his plastic bathtub while playing with every single toothbrush in the house. So I found out about it by noticing brown lumps floating next to all the pretty red, blue, and other brilliantly colored toothbrushes. OK this is standard baby protocol – clean him first, call mommy to get him out. Now I’m left with a tub filled with tepid water, ten toothbrushes, and huge lumps of dookie, some of them of the floating variety, but some solid sinkers as well. It occurred to me that this cleanup was going to require getting my hands dirty when conveying poopie into the toilet. So yes, for the first time in my life (that I can remember at least), I held dookie in my bare hand. Since it was already there and disgusting (but somehow not so disgusting since he’s still a baby – baby’s make everything better), I decided I would give it a squeeze between my fingers. All I can say is, he needs more fiber. Oh and also, I’m really happy he didn’t have corn for breakfast.
- Today I woke up an hour early to get to school early so I could prepare for my first class. Instead, that hour was spent getting two more signs from JB in the sky. First up, my rear left tire was totally flat. Not much to say there because I buy used tires for my old car and stuff like this just happens all the time – and I actually enjoy changing flats. But this sign led me to believe it would be prudent to watch for a more serious happening so I decided that an ounce of prevention…
- Would end up with me immediately receiving another sign. I decided to check fluid levels after changing to the spare tire and popped the hood… As I touched the radiator cap, the screw holding my glasses’ frames together came loose and the frames popped apart, ejecting my right lens on to the driveway. The tiny screw was just gone. I had to run inside and find my back up pair of glasses, which has chipped lenses (baby accident).
So after all of these signs, I decided to play it cool today and not go anywhere unnecessarily. We made dinner at home and didn’t go out shopping… Just had a nice, quiet evening. Tomorrow is a new day.