Left hand wanking the right? Vice versa?

When a CNN Breaking News E-Mail Alert says the exact opposite of the anchorman on CNN International at the same time, which one is more credible?
This is not a trick question; either Israeli ground troops have entered southern Lebanon to attack Hezbollah bases (via E-Mail Alert), or they haven’t (CNN International). I know, I know, fog of war and all that, but still…

Short Movie Review: Takeshis’ 2005

I’ve been a fan of Takeshi’s movies for a long time. His early directing efforts were truly visionary.

Terajima always delivers the best staredown.

That said, Takeshis’ 2005 was disappointing and just too damn long. There is a difference between looking at yourself in a mirror, and watching yourself look at yourself look in the mirror. This movie was filmed with the latter in mind instead of the former, and I’m pretty sure that’s why it sucked.
Takeshi’s on a bit of a sucky streak at the moment – that fucking godforsaken remake of Zatoichi and the movie with the title that basically precludes having to call it gay, Dolls, from a few years back kinda makes this three strikes… I still have faith in Takeshi though. After all, so did Kurosawa when he passed the torch to him.

Jehovan Awakening

If I were asked how I would like to be awakened at six in the morning on the third day of a three day weekend, “by a Jehovah’s Witness” would be near the bottom of the list, believe me. Obviously though, God thought differently today. And it really sucks, because I was having a dream about flying, you know, the full on will-yourself-off-the-ground-and-begin-floating freedom only afforded one without the sting of disappointment when rudely awoken seemingly once every few years. So, fuck! the doorbell was rung relentlessly and I instantly vowed to kill the fucker who dared ruin my awesome flying experience.
I opened the door to a short obachan with hair dyed light purple (it’s a geriatric Asian thing), who started with a curt, “Oh, did I wake you? Sumimasen.”
I’m in my underwear wiping boogers out of my eyes, ya think?
She thrust the following in my hands and says, “We’re passing these out…”:

“EVERYDAY IMAGES OF JAPAN” by ?????? (click to enlarge)

And with that, she walked away. Walked away! Bioooooootch! If you’re not even gonna try and convert people, why even ring doorbells! At six in the morning!
Note to future solicitors of less plausible/just plain crazy-ass religions: At least have the courtesy to stick around and say something so I can tell you to fuck off and slam the door in your face; then you can go home crying to the great floppy bunny rabbit (named after the guy who cuts people’s lawns) in the sky! Fucking fanatics! Six in the fuckin’ morning!

The Green Goddess

Note: This is not a tribute to absinthe.
If you thought my obsessive Gmail observations last week were sad…
That’s right, it’s time for DICTIONARY BLOGGING. This is my ode, in haiku form, to Green Goddess.
I can kill a full grown carp
With your mighty bulk

Seriously, this is a J to E translator’s best dead tree friend.
That is all.


An insider’s view of the miserably failed EV1 line of electric cars produced by GM: LINK
I’m pretty sure I saw one of these parked at a recharging station in front of Fry’s Electronics in Fountain Valley a couple of years ago. I wonder if it’s still there…
(link via waxy; the movie he refers to is covered here)

Calling Franky Four Fingers: Job Offer!

Cue Fuckin’ in the Bushes:

Position Title: Diamonds Assistant
Location: Ueno-Tokyo, Japan
Job Listing: I need a Japanese guy who can help our diamonds activities such as sort certified goods at the brinks office and other things. No need for special education. We need a very reliable person.
To apply for this position, please send your resume as the body of an email message to jobs(at)japanesejobs.com with ID#7692 in the subject line. No file attachments.

Note: Make sure to bring a tea cozy and a hacksaw to the interview, and practice the following line for perfection: Ver ees ze STONE?

Gmail for Domains – Small Bug

As I mentioned previously, I have my j(at)cosmicbuddha.com address set to forward all mail to my cosmicbuddha(at)gmail.com address. Spam sent to the first address is not forwarded; I am OK with this. However, I have noticed that messages sent from cosmicbuddha(at)gmail.com to j(at)cosmicbuddha.com are not getting forwarded to cosmicbuddha(at)gmail.com. I do not understand why, because emails sent from cosmicbuddha(at)gmail.com to cosmicbuddha(at)gmail.com do appear; emails sent from j(at)cosmicbuddha.com to cosmicbuddha(at)gmail.com do appear; emails sent from third parties to j(at)cosmicbuddha.com are forwarded to cosmicbuddha(at)gmail.com.
Is this because I’m fucking with the time-space continuum, or what?
UPDATE: My Account status on the Dashboard (Gmail for Domains control panel) is still updating. Maybe that has something to do with it.
All this forwarding business is tempting me to tempt fate with an infinite loop – to set both addresses in question to forward to each other. Should I do it?
ANOTHER UPDATE: Getting. Hard. To. Resist. What the hell? You only live once, right?
POSSIBLY FINAL UPDATE: Well, that was anticlimactic. I expected both mailboxes to instantly fill and throw the Google superkryptoniteleviathanserver cluster off just a bit, yet the net result of sending a test message to either e-mail address was one received message in each account (exactly as it should be). Props Google, you proactively foiled my plans for infinite loopty-looping.