Dear keys (that I have written off found),
Well screw you then. Welcome home. Everyone suspected the babies of throwing you away or hiding you somewhere, but it was just me accidentally leaving you somewhere in the house I would not have found you for months (if not for looking for something else today). I’m sorry for having already replaced you (except for you, Mr. Laser Cut), but you are my daily carrying set and those new guys are relegated to backup status now. Just don’t get lost again, k?
P.S. Pass on the “don’t get lost” thing to Mr. Wallet as well.
Your creator,
J
Given the loving way in which you address your keys, I’d say that you’ve become the Saint Francis of inanimate objects.