Category: Japanese Society/Culture

Another reason I’m definitely leaving Japan next year: Japan to have all foreigners carry IC cards for crime control

The LDP and the government claim the new policy is aimed at keeping track of foreigners as part of measures to prevent terrorism and crimes.

Well, it might be especially effective if they decide to embed RFID chips to enable remote scanning. I can just imagine all Japanese police cruisers equipped with gaijin detectors on the dashboard. Perhaps they can include a dye packet and/or taser function to help out, as well.
I imagine this also has to do with the recent spate of counterfeiting and identity thefts – I’m told that stolen gaijin cards can be sold for 20,000 yen in minami, no questions asked, and that a fake one can be purchased from around 70,000.
The most intrusive part of the new plan that they are admitting to lies here:

Holders will be required to report any change of address and obtain permission to change jobs.

As if it’s not tough enough to get a job as it is now, in a couple of years you’ll have to obtain permission from the government first.
Hey look, in the opening paragraph of the article, they used the words “Japanese government” and “intelligence center” in the same sentence! Why does the government have to be such a pain in the ass and go so far out of their way to be oppressive? Is this payback for doing away with the mandatory fingerprinting of gaijin or something? All I have to say is, sayonara suckers.

Pronounced as the answer to, “What do you call a Japanese woman with no arms and no legs, propped against a wall?”
The following quotes are from the unbelievably retarded Yomiuri article located here: LINK

Cheap hotels in Osaka day laborer district lure foreign tourists
Kahori Sakane / Daily Yomiuri Staff Writer
Five budget hotels in the Airin district of Nishinari Ward, Osaka, which have typically catered to day laborers, are seeing an unexpected increase in foreign and Japanese tourists looking for inexpensive lodging.

Okay so far; it’s no surprise that tourists are attracted to rooms cheaper than $80 a night (a fairly average hotel room price). But this article is just getting started, as you will see…

The trend has encouraged some of about 100 other hotels in and around the district to target foreign tourists rather than laborers. A local association of the hotel operators and a nonprofit organization supporting day laborers have also launched a project to make the area a backpackers’ town, such as Khaosan Street in Bangkok.

Well, it sounds like some new Osaka politician is going to start lobbying for prostitution visas (oh wait, they already did that with the “massage” visa earlier this year) or attempt to make Kinryu ramen available for 50 yen a bowl on the street, that’s great. One question, though: What do the urban planning visonaries propose as the prefectural backpacking destinations of choice? The container stacks at Nanko (slogan: “Visit the drug-sniffing dog petting zoo!”)? The romantic banks of the Yodogawa “Industrial” River (“Home of the Lucky Osaka Two-headed Carp”)? Or maybe there are plans to establish the 1990 Nishinari Riot Memorial… Let’s move on:

“Is there any place around here to go dancing?” a blond Finnish woman asked a clerk at Hotel Raizan South, a budget hotel in the Airin district, last Monday night. The clerk smiled and said there were some clubs in Nanba, two stops away on the Midosuji subway line.

Notice the key words, “blonde,” and “Finnish.” Aside from the inference that Hotel Raizan South clerk hiring guidelines stipulate at least one Scandinavian and one Romantic language (Aramaic is a plus), perhaps we can also assume that a brunette duchess from Luxembourg would have been referred to Kitashinchi on the JR Tozai line. More:

The question would not seem odd at most hotels. But according to Hidenori Yamada, 28, executive director of Chuo Group, “A foreign tourist leaving a Nishinari Ward hotel at 9 p.m. was unimaginable five years ago.”

Let me fill in the missing sentences here: “They used to just smoke the methamphetamine this area is most famous for and stay up all night watching the traffic cams on NHK; it would be very difficult to persuade them to leave even well after check-out time the next morning. I guess the new wave of tourists is more into Ecstasy and clubbing.”

Another attraction of Raizan Hotel is its convenient location, which is 15 minutes by train to Universal Studios Japan (USJ), one hour by train to Kyoto and 50 minutes to Kobe.

…As is the rest of Osaka, you hacks. Or Namba, at least, since that’s the comparison. Next:

Known as one of the largest day laborer districts in the nation, the Airin district has a population of about 30,000 in a 0.62-square-kilometer triangle south of JR Shin-Imamiya Station…
…In Sankaku Park, about 500 meters southwest of the hotels, many homeless people live in blue tents or spend the night in a city-run shelter, which offers hardtack in the evening. On weekends, they line up for meals at a soup kitchen.

Repeat after me: TOURIST’S! PARADISE!

The hotels began attracting a few South Korean tourists shortly after launching a Web site in the same year, although they originally hoped to attract more Japanese tourists and businesspeople.

Fishing for sea bream, the damn fugu kept stealing my bait. – Japanese proverb

In order to meet the demands of foreign tourists, mainly from China, South Korea and Taiwan, the hotels began listing their information in English, Chinese and Korean a few years ago.

…Because we all know that English is secretly the official language of all three of these countries, right? Jesus Christ. In all fairness, the discriminatory overtones I’m sensing here might be imagined – perhaps the author is just that bad.

Minerva Jormola, 22, and her friend, Ho Yueching, both from Finland, told The Daily Yomiuri they found Hotel Raizan on the Internet and decided to stay there because of the low price of 4,200 yen per night for a twin room.

Of course, what we really want to know is: Which one is the blond? For Amaterasu’s sake, could you bastards please maybe use more than a single source in your hotel guest interviews (and a random Ho doesn’t count).
Much later:

A local nonprofit organization, Kamagasaki Community Regeneration Forum, which supports the district’s homeless and day laborers, is also interested in involving laborers with the project…
…The forum hopes out-of-work laborers and local welfare recipients will engage in tourism-related jobs or volunteer work created by the project.

Wow. Somewhere in Kamagasaki, a dutchie is being passed, presumably on the left-hand side. We all know how being on the dole tends to spur the volunteerin’ spirit, right?

The forum believes a bicycle rental business could be an option since some of the workers learned to repair bicycles in an Osaka municipal government vocational seminar.

Is that what they call “jail” these days?

Under the plan, when a tourist rents a bicycle, a laborer will deliver it to their hotels. If they want to leave the rented bicycle at a sightseeing spot in Osaka, the bicycle will be retrieved and brought back to the district base.

And doesn’t that just scream VIABLE BUSINESS PLAN. The sad thing is that while one might assume that this entails paying honest, hard-working people to ride bicycles back to homebase – providing both employment and a healthy lifestyle with the added benefit of preserving the environment – I somehow suspect a flatbed truck driven by a gang of bicyle thieves is closer to reality.

Arimura said it was important to make use of people and resources in the local community.

As opposed to outsourcing it to professional tour guides and bike shops in Hokkaido, I presume. Pearls of wisdom, people. Pearls.
Lastly:

“If group tours increase through our efforts and the Airin district brings in more individual tourists, it may not be so difficult to attract 2 million foreign tourists to the prefecture,” Yano said.

Well, he did say “if.”
//
Alas, I don’t know why this article, among all those churned out over the weekend, caught my eye. I also don’t know why I felt I had to fisk it. I just did.

By now, everyone is probably familiar with the theory of the rookie driver derailing the train by attempting to speed through the curve, as well as the story of several JR employees going bowling on the night of the accident, but get a load of this:

An obsession with being on time was also seen in the behavior of two JR West drivers who were aboard the derailed train. The drivers, neither of whom was hurt in the accident, left the scene without helping to rescue passengers and headed straight to work.
According to JR West officials, one of the two called his supervisor by cell phone to say he had been on the derailed train. But the supervisor did not instruct him to rescue any of the injured and instead said, “Make sure you’re not late.”
The 27-year-old driver later confessed in writing that he was sorry for doing nothing to help.
“When I think back calmly now, I was irresponsible not only as a JR employee but as a human being,” he said.

But the whole point is that he wasn’t irresponsible as a JR employee, right?
It’s a fairly interesting article, even if it does lay it on a bit thick with the “overpunctual society” line. Yes, “Japanese people should adopt a more relaxed way of living,” but even if they manage to pull this off with some mystical wand of compassion and understanding, it probably won’t magically prevent train derailments for the foreseeable future. Just to be contrary, I offer this: As long as it’s safe, there’s nothing wrong with the trains being on time, guys. Not a goddamn thing. Ah, but the poor drivers get stressed out! They have to pick weeds and greet incoming trains like common peasants! I hear you. Life’s a bitch, ain’t it? It seems that the problem is with the drivers training programs, and to allow JR to ultimately place the blame on society instead of improving their training programs is just plain wrong.
Here’s the link to the full article: Train crash reveals fatal flaw of obsession with punctuality

They were selling Dr. Pepper at FamilyMart today! We have been waiting for this moment since… well, since the end of the war, I guess. This is truly a milestone in Japanese-American relations, especially since the majority of Japanese think Dr. Pepper tastes like Chinese herbal medicine.
Just in case you were wondering:
Yes, there is a cheesy Flash site to commemorate this great event.
UPDATE: TODAY’S MOMENT OF ZEN

Peppy, ex-Harajuku girl/Dr. Pepper “freak”

Ambulance rides in Japan have always been free, but I just heard from a paramedic that hospitals will start charging 40,000 yen per ride in the near future.
Attention all hypochondriacs: Get your free rides while the getting’s still good!

Mechanical input of Japanese is a subject that has always fascinated me, so I was happy to find this history of wapro (word processors) in English:
http://www.honco.net/japanese/05/
When I first came to this country, one of the first indicators of how hard the Japanese language would be to learn was an old lady at city hall operating an old school Japanese typewriter. The device itself was closer to a printing press than any typewriter I had ever seen… I remember my second cousin pointing her out and saying, “before your very eyes, old technology fades away.”
(He’s a minister. Ministers say some really deep stuff sometimes, it makes me wonder if they know something I don’t.)

^*Not to be confused with Japanese Fish Cake (“kamaboko“)
Early attempts at manufacturing sausages from fish meat (employing cellophane or sheep innards as the outer wrapper/skin) have been traced back to the Taisho period (1912 – 1926). It is not clear why these early experiments failed but one might suspect the very concept of a “fish sausage” sounded pretty weird, even to the inventor’s own family. After all, fish was delicious even without encasing it in animal entrails and could be preserved, to an extent, with traditional methods such as salting and drying. In addition, the formula for creating fish sausages were not perfected before the idea was shelved.
In the years following the war, huge demand was seen for canned and preserved foodstuffs that could be easily manufactured, stored, and distributed, and a new development effort was started in the industry to revive the fish sausage project. By borrowing a technology used in the aforementioned kamaboko industry at the time – using rubber hydrochloride (!) to make transparent skins for the sausage – and fine-tuning the recipe, a feasible product was achieved and mass production of fish sausages began in 1951. The following year it was brought to market, and the rest, as they say, is history. The product was a huge hit and demand increased every year to the point where entire generations of Japanese were brought up eating fish sausages in their school lunch, at home, and everywhere in between.
The industry is definitely not at its peak these days, but there are still many companies producing varied and successful fish sausage products. Here is one site with good photos linked to an online store that will deliver to your door (in Japan). There was even a Japan Fish Sausage Association until a few years ago. It disbanded and joined up with the Japan Canners Association where they became – you guessed it – the Japan Fish Sausage Committee. The legacy lives on.
……
All the information used in this post was gleaned from various Japanese web sites. I can’t possibly be the ONLY PERSON in the ENTIRE ENGLISH-SPEAKING WORLD interested in the WONDERFUL HISTORY OF FISH SAUSAGE, right?… Actually, judging by the absence of research materials available on it, maybe I am. Which is strange, because I don’t like eating the stuff – it just seems wrong to stress my mouth, which is used to pork, beef, and other normal ingredients for sausage (I may have gotten used to corn on pizza, but fishy-tasting sausage? NEVER!)
Other fun stuff unearthed in my search for the elusive fish sausage:
– This is processed fish products nirvana: GYONIKUKAN (JP-only, go look anyway)
– In regard to sausage filling, some sausage academics use the term “farinaceous filler” instead of, simply, “starch”
– According to one account, the fish used in the first mass-produced fish sausages was Alaska Haddock. Over the years the industry preference changed to tuna (shockingly, these were called Tuna Sausages), then to whale (now I see why the fish sausage trend never caught on in the west), then to, well – everything with scales.
– Somehow, it’s easier for me to accept that the waste parts of fish (as Mandy said here, “lips and peckers,” are most probably used to make these sausages. Easier than thinking about “hooves and assholes” in an “all-beef” hot dog, that is. If you know what I mean.
– The Japan Canners Association has an inspirational theme song on its site. Scroll down to the bottom of the page for the music files.
– The now-defunct Japan Fish Sausage Association was once located at:
Japan Fish Sausage Assn
Nihon Gyoniku Soseji Kyokai
Kusumoto 6 Bldg
1-3-9 Higashi Shimbashi
Minatoku Tokyo 105-0021
Tel 03 35735586 Fax 03 35735587

I am too respectful to post a pic, but believe me, I have surreptitiously photographed several. Yes, Concerned Reader, it is true: The Humpbacked Obachan is on the verge of becoming an endangered species. On my island, at least. And seeing how Awajishima is basically a giant, floating retirement community for aoriika longliners and graying mobsters alike, I am an eminent expert on, for lack of a better term, old people.
The subject in question, humpticulous spinstrisis, or, “Humpy” for short, is, simply, an ancient, stooped-over (sometimes more than 90 degrees!) lady (some of who sport humps on their backs – duh!). And I say “lady” in the female sense of the word, because some of them, quite frankly, are not nice people at all:
My first encounter with a Humpy was at the giant ishibutai tomb in Asuka Mura, where I first lived in Japan, at my second cousin’s church (long story). I thought this old woman was stooped over looking for dropped coins or something, so I went over to help her. After a few minutes, an ancient croak emitted from her direction, “just what in the hell are you doing?” I suddenly realized my mistake and was greatly embarassed, but intrigued by this person who was spending her declining years staring down at the dirt, and decided to do more research.
My research method was simple: Go to where old people gather, and observe. This explains my numerous visits to gateball tournaments, Nodoka-mura, and inner-city public housing complexes on “big trash” day. Some of my findings over the years:
– As can be inferred from the above, almost all humpies are female.
– Humpies are generally highly regarded in Japanese society, although this just might be the age factor. In Japan, as elsewhere, age = respect.
– I suspect advanced Humptosity is at least partially caused by osteoporosis, although it wouldn’t surprise me to see similar posture in, say, game company employees.
– In speaking with several Humpies, I found out that the condition itself does not cause a lot of pain, but it’s hard not to be able to sleep on your back (They all tend to sleep in chairs or propped up on cusions.).
– Humpies hibernate in winter.
– More humpies are spotted taking out the trash than in any other situation.
In the course of four years of observation of the Humpy colony on my island, I have been able to distinguish 1,796 (!) individuals (population has since declined to a current approximated level of 1,450). Most have been unresponsive to my questions, and several brooms have been raised in defensive positions. A radio tagging effort has been unsuccessful. Still, my research continues, because the fact of the matter is that Humpy population should be growing, not rapidly declining as they are now. Also, Humpies don’t really have a voice in the blogosphere for some reason.
SPEAK UP, HUMPIES! THIS IS YOUR FORUM!

(Be warned, I just stubbed my toe REALLY HARD on an old printer someone left in the hallway for pickup tomorrow. The following passage was brought to you by the school of ?Ignore the Pain and It Will Go Away,? and the Foundation for People Who Woke Up on the Wrong Side of Humanity This Morning.)
Note to self: Write future rant about the simplicity and nuance of the Japanese language being too often cloaked in stiff politeness. Wait. On second thought, I guess there?s not much to expand on there? Don?t think anyone would disagree with that. More precisely, anyone who would disagree probably has a pathetic social life, and I would feel really bad about pointing that out – even if we got in a heated debate that resulted in insults in the comments, hate mail, prank calls, false credit card charges, escalation in the form of physical stalking and placement of beheaded pet maguro in rival?s bed while he?s sleeping, and someone?s eventual deportation.
Besides, I kind of covered this in the post last week about the proper Japanese business e-mail format. So I won?t delve into the linguistic equivalent of why if you buy a box of chocolate chip cookies at a Japanese 7-11, you often must take the box out of the grocery bag and figure out how the box itself is opened, after which you must also open the sealed tray or pouch that?s inside the box, and, finally, remove each individually packaged cookie from its foil wrapper before eating it; there always seems to be an unnecessary layer or two.
No, I definitely should not get into that one today; it would cramp my freestyle impersonation of a mudslide, and besides, it?s so fucking wroooong to make sweeping generalizations about anything these days it seems. That said? The different levels of politeness in Japanese are daunting and complex, but I?ll leave the boring stuff to linguists and others who most likely did not take Wood Shop as an elective in high school, and write instead about how they can provide amusement. (Note: I may use this opportunity to insult random, stupid types of people who irritate me in some way or another as well, so be prepared if you know me and suspect I intensely dislike you.)
Sometimes it?s fun being unnecessarily polite in Japanese, verbally skating the line between being respectfully polite and sarcastically polite. Of course, if you are a gaijin, a lot of people won?t believe you capable of intentionally doing such a thing, but hey, fuck them. People like that are often ignorant in a sickeningly innocent kind of way; even if they are pleasant enough, they are the type who, for instance, might find your proficiency with chopsticks comment-worthy. However, many of us give the natives good cause to doubt our conversation skills on a daily basis.
For instance, one of the most irritating things I see on a regular basis is foreigners who get carried away with the politeness thing, specifically when expressing apology or thanks. You know, the kind of person who, after unintentionally causing relatively minor trouble for someone (like bumping into a stranger who ends up spilling his coffee on the sidewalk, or being helped by a passerby while fixing a flat tire) repeats the word sumimasen, gomennasai, and some form of arigato so many times in succession that the person he’s talking to starts getting really uncomfortable and eventually has to convey, forcefully, “IT’S OK ? REALLY.” It?s especially unnerving when bowing is included in this performance because many gaijin obviously learned how to bow from kung-fu movies, kowtowing in a deep nodding motion with hands held in front and pressed/clasped together like a coolie begging for master to at least spare the children, if you know what I mean.
To be fair, going overboard with the thanks/apologies is perfectly normal in some situations, so it shouldn?t bother me that foreigners try to emulate it, except for the fact that I find it annoying when Japanese people do this as well. All the time. In fact, apologizing too profusely is an effective tactic for pissing people off as well? I realize that at this point, you may very well be asking yourself, ?what the fuck is homeboy trying to say??, and I have no reasonable answer. This is ranting for the sake of ranting, and fairly incomprehensible ranting at that? Imagine a nihonbunka (JP culture) major that comes over from [insert country] on an exchange program, and, who, by poring over ancient manuscripts in the university library day in and day out, gradually becomes one of the world’s leading authorities on the taxation system in Japan?s feudal era. Having determined the three distinct grades of rice at the time: Daimyo’s White (husked and hulled), Merchant’s Brown (partially husked), and Peasant’s Millet Blend (with New Tiny Pebbles!), he can decipher more kanji than a Beijing newspaper editor, and can in fact read completely through a Japanese auto insurance explanation booklet, yet still hasn’t figured out how to, say, order a meal at a noisy noodle shop counter without sounding like a complete FAG (“futsu no tonkotsu wo hitotsu kudasai”). Everybody knows a guy like this, right? Just wanted to point out I really hate guys like that, even if they do us all a favor by marrying the ugly chicks ?from Tokyo? (97% of ugly chicks claiming to be ?from Tokyo? are actually from Gunma or areas outlying. Blame this phenomenon on Narita Airport, which people in places other than Kanto loosely ? and incorrectly – refer to as ?Tokyo Airport?. Uh-uh.).
There?s also the fact that most gaijin probably begin learning polite forms of Japanese that they fall back on like a security blanket when they are uncomfortable, as if politeness were a substitute for comprehension??
(At this point, my toe is feeling much better, and I need a nap.)