What is Nigari? Nigari is a liquid extract left over from the processing of tofu. Nigari is rich in minerals and is claimed to be an excellent dietary supplement. Supposedly, the high magnesium content of nigari works in the intestines to block the absorption of fat into the body. Nigari is claimed to be especially effective when taken with foods rich in B vitamins such as pork or mushrooms. Nigari is poured over food before it’s eaten; some people say it’s tasteless, and others claim it’s slightly bitter. Nigari, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, is a huge health fad in Japan. I also think nigari is a…

The company is making us go home at an unprecedented 2:00 in the afternoon so you just know we are in for a real beating. I haven’t been this happy since the fifth grade… Just waiting for that bell to ring… In other news, there was another magnitude 4 earthquake here this morning. It feels like the world is going to end, and all I can think about is the recess bell.

I thought this kind of shit only happened in Amsterdam: WRHA hands out free crack pipes Crack fiends are people too, eh?

So I’m on a coffee break and the guy next to me says, out of the blue, “I wonder how many legs you can pull off a centipede without impeding its ability to forage for food.” I’m at a loss for words, and I wonder if this line of thought has anything to do with the fact that he just got chewed a while ago out by the boss in front of the whole office for holding up production of a new product. A few seconds later, in the same monotonous patter, he muses, “I wonder if its like one of those 16-wheel tractor trailers… If one or two go…

Back at work this week. What can I say. It’s wonderful – my coworkers are courteous and professional, and management is sincere and warmhearted. I’d much rather be here catching up on ten days worth of e-mail and mostly forgotten business problems than, say, in the halls of Montezuma or the shores of Tripoli. I mean, I don’t even think FedEx does pick-ups in some of those places – and I ask you this – what would your office life be without FedEx, you ungracious cur? I’ll tell you: It would suck very hard, and very hard it would be sucking. OFFICE WORKER TIP O’ THE DAY (limited to areas…

They really do. I confirmed it today when they forgot to tell me about the “lithium leak” drill scheduled in the office next door. What happens is, well, they simulate a spill of hazardous substances. So when a man in a white space suit stormed into our office, I naturally thought he was coming for me. “You’ll never catch me alive, copper!,” I screamed, and brandished a stapler most menacingly. Well, no. Actually, I just sat there in amazement and stared. Nobody else around me seemed to react much at all, even when he shouted, “ALL CLEAR!,” and stomped on down the hall. Since no explanations were forthcoming from my…

This week is marked by extraordinarily hot weather. I think the French heat wave that melted the cheese and boiled the wine in 2003 decided on a Japanese vacation this year. It’s a wet, constant heat that makes me slow and irritable… My snapping at people is suffering from delayed reaction times; I’m nowhere near the top of my game, although the ear wax dribbling down my sideburns might make some killer organic candles. Surfing around the expat blog scene, I’ve begun to notice that a lot of people are leaving Japan. Many already have. Is there something you should let me know? Is Rumsfield secretly planning a nuclear strike…

Conversation between me and my boss 5 minutes ago: /// Boss: Mr. Justin, what is deductive reasoning? Me: [Heh] Well, let us start with what it isn’t. It isn’t a fish. It isn’t a guitar. It isn’t a beverage conveyance…. Boss: [blank look] Uh. Me: …nor is it the ozone layer, a rotary engine, or a tasty octopus… Boss: [annoyed] Ah… Me: …ain’t the Pope, the Queen, or anything in between… Boss: NONONO MR. JUSTIN. I ask you, what is “deductive reasoning?” Me: I was in the middle of telling you. Boss: Oh. Sorry. Continue, please. (30 seconds later) Me: …not with a fox, nor in a box… Boss: STOP!…

Sweat is dripping down from my scalp, running over the back of my neck, and soaking my uniform’s collar. The sunlight is so intense today that it’s hard to look out the windows. The lab next to our office is very nice and cool so everybody escapes there under the pretense of doing experiments. Please turn on the AC in our offices you cheapskate motherfuckers. Out of thirty five or so employees who work in this office, only myself and two others remain. Our beloved manager must have Moroccan ancestry or something. The guy is sitting tall in his Enterprise chair and never seems to sweat at all, even in…