24 Treehugging?

Before I got crippled in the bandwidth department, I was on the front lines of 24, seeing more than a few episodes before they even aired on television, so it pains me to read this: Jack Bauer’s Next Mission: Fighting Global Warming
Cry me a river if Jack Bauer drinks California Condor blood for dinner with a dugong fetus apertif; all I really care about is that he kicks ass constantly and consistently… Fuck the Prius delivery routine, fuck solar powered cappuccino makers, and fuck these arbitrary carbon footprints – for fuck’s sake are you all wearing palm frond skirts and organic hemp pantalones, or what? – and give me Jack shooting people’s mothers in the kneecaps in the name of national security already… Is that too much to ask, or what?
Besides, let’s not forget which channel produces 24 – this ain’t the Discovery Channel, yo.

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