vomitus

Just thought I’d let you know one of the most unpleasant combinations of injuries/sickness I have ever experienced: Bruised ribs and projectile vomiting.
I thought I’d let this one pass because the cause of the bruised ribs is kind of embarassing… A couple weeks ago, my hand slipped outward when I was pushing myself out of the bathtub, and the full weight of my torso came down on its edge (I made kind of a wheezing, squeaky sound like ooofeeeeee…). No immediate sharp pain or anything, but it was sore like hell for about a week (although the soreness is almost gone now, except when I lay on my side).
Then last Friday I must have eaten something bad at the university cafeteria for lunch, because by late afternoon, I started feeling nauseous. We were having a dinner party at our house that evening, but I was bedridden with a fever and diarrhea. However, our guests were from Japan and I had to at least say hi. So I took some pills to settle my stomach (I hadn’t actually puked at this point), and got dressed, then went downstairs to greet about thirty people… Long story short, I should have stayed in bed. By the time I got around to the last group bowing and sawasdee-ing, I could feel the purge valve kicking in – I hurriedly said my greetings, excused myself, and ran upstairs with burning vomit creeping up my throat inch by inch. I burst into my room and did the oh-fuck-where’s-the-wastebasket dance with puke leaking into my cupped hands, and fell to my knees gagging as tears ran down my cheeks. Nam found the wastebasket just in time (I couldn’t make it to the bathroom) and kicked it over to me….
UUUUUUUUA….UNGLARRRRRGPH…BLAAAAAAAAA
You know that split second when you’re tossing your cookies, I mean really tossing them with your jaw locked forward and neck stiffened, and a stream of foul-smelling acid is flowing out your mouth, and the only thing you can cling to inside is the ANTICIPATED RELIEF you will feel when you are all done?
Yeah, that moment never came.
Instead, my bruised ribs immediately started screaming in protest at being stretched – it hurt so bad that I was actually crying from the pain instead of the vomiting – and had the unexpected effect of making me vomit more. I had created a perpetual cycle of vomit!
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The punch line: Apparently all the dinner guests outside on the lawn heard me through the open second story windows, and there were more leftovers than we expected – especially the fish.

5 Replies to “vomitus”

  1. I’ll bet everyone was hoping they didn’t catch your sickness at dinner, as they stood outside in the beautiful, mosquito-filled night air, listening in sympathetic horror and amused disgust! Get well soon!

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