I hate cat people

Since rescuing Yoda the kitten last year, I have grown fonder of cats in general. We grew up with many cats as pets and we loved them as part of the family, but I never really liked other peoples cats or strays, of which my neighborhood in rural Japan is absolutely full (there are constantly between ten to fifteen strays on my street lined with only 20 or so houses). Cats, by nature, are selfish and pretty much endearing only to their owners – kind of like sports cars, except they are not especially benefitted by lugubrious waxing (I assume). What I’m trying to get at is that I’m cool with keeping cats as pets, but I can’t stand “cat people.” You know, the kind of people who keep 50 cats in their house and have to be dug out of caked up cat shit, hairballs, etc. by rescue teams after their neighbors complain about the smell for a few years straight. This is a kind of sickness in my book. Cat people were probably dogs in their past life, doing pennance in this one for all their past feline-chasing.
And there’s always a cat person at work, isn’t there? The lady with a cat-themed desk calendar, a closeup of a cat’s face set as her desktop background, who seems to shed cat fur everywhere and, should her boyfriend (another cat person, natch) playfully slap her ass, would most definitely answer with a passionate meow. The thing is, I’m usually indifferent to this kind of shit. Doesn’t faze me – cat people can be annoying, but they are generally nice and easy to please (just compliment the pictures of cats adorning their desk).
Today, however, I ran into a cat person who ruined my relationship with all cat people. The subject of our group conversation was a recent news item, how a driver in Shizuoka swerved to avoid hitting a cat and plowed into a line of nursery school children (story here). Standard reaction to this story, as you would expect, is that the driver is a dumbfuck. Or that maybe it was just his reflexes, reaction that caused it. Or that there were extenuating circumstances, etc., etc., etc.
What I did not expect was to hear was a stupid cat person defending the driver’s actions, as in, “nobody was killed and the cat presumably survived, so it all worked out in the end.” I was floored. I mean, you gotta be fucking kidding, right? Just do the math – 36 nursery school kids vs. one cat! Shit, even reverse that – 36 kittens vs. a single human being – and a normal person would opt to make kitty paste on the sidewalk every single time! No fucking question!
In the ensuing conversation, the cat person started to cry when I said she had no business driving a car. And since the cat person is a girl, her harpy friends all ganged up on me. Hey, I was just trying to drag her into the real world! They said, she is such a nice person, how could you scold her like that. And they called me a cat hater. Get your shit straight, you foul harpies. I am not a cat hater.
I am a cat-person hater. Meow that, bitches.

9 thoughts on “I hate cat people

  1. Fk cats and their owners! Sounds to me like the object of this post might’ve been a PETA supporter. No amount of activism can convince a reasonable person that cats and all animals should receive the same rights and respect for life that humans get. I’d rather run over a cat than even frighten a child by causing the child to think I might hit him/her with a bus.

  2. “Shit, even reverse that – 36 kittens vs. a single human being…”
    How about this one: 50 kittens vs. a moderately priced TV? It’s still easy!
    (I have four cats myself. They say familiarity breeds contempt, and I am VERY familiar with cats).

  3. Funny thing about those stray cats lurking around most of the shrines. Give it a reall creepy feeling at night. S’pose they’re just looking for a hand-out.

  4. Right on! I’m fine with a cat, not cats. My gf has a cat and even she realizes how selfish the cat is, even with her. Only showing any form of affection because it wants food, or the other half of the time, breaking stuff because it wants food. I could never deal with someone or something that selfish. Your post makes me think of a friend on facebook who always posts updates about her cats and her volunteer work and this and that and has 3 cats she owns but usually keeps 3-5 kittens up for adoption, so at any time, 6-8 cats in a home. If I was her boyfriend, I would have dumped this girl so long ago. Who likes fur and whining things that throw up on your stuff?

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