Questions to Which I Have Answered, “Oh, Fuck No!”

In Japan:
– Do you wear shoes inside your home in America?
> (…my mom would have a cow.)
– Would you like to try a slice of Salmon Cream Pizza?
> (…get that nasty shit away from me. squid, seaweed, and most other stuff from the sea have no fucking business on a pizza. fucking heathens.)
– Do you want to come to karaoke?
> (…i think i’ll have to miss out on this round of Drunken Asshole Vanity)
– Do you want to play sex?
> (…no, i’m waiting till i get married. plus, i don’t know how to say “double bagger” in japanese.)
– How do you do?
> (…oops, of course i meant, “fine, thank you. and you?”)
In America:
– Why do people take their shoes off before entering a house in Japan?
> (…tatami doesn’t quite clean the dog shit off your shoes like carpet does.)
– Have you tried our New Caribbean MexiChili Teriyaki Sushi-eggroll Low-carb Wrap?
> (…Let me repeat: oh, fuck no.)
– Can you spare a dollar?
> (…you may think my response severe, but the last bum i actually had a conversation with punched me in the throat. he ruined it for all you assholes.)
– Can we search your car?
> (…oops mr. officer, that just slipped out, what i meant to say was, “sure!”)
– Do you want to come to karaoke?
> (…)
///
to be continued…

Shades of Cryptonomicon

HavenCo Limited is exploiting a unique opportunity to set up the world’s first real data haven. The initial showcase datacenter is the Principality of Sealand, the world’s smallest sovereign territory. It was founded over thirty years ago and has obtained a unique legal status as the only sovereign man-made island. Its claim to sovereignty has been tested and supported in several legal challenges.”
I’d heard of Sealand before, but never really thought about what it looked like. As it turns out, it wouldn’t have looked out of place on the set of Waterworld:
sealand.jpg
Kewl.
More pics here: LINK

Mediterrasse


(click to enlarge)
A new love hotel shopping center (see comments) being put up in Kobe. I love my new camera.

Fantasy E-mail Functions: Auto-Append

Description: This feature automatically appends the phrase “, you fucking idiot(s)” to every sentence you write. This feature is toggled ON by scowling or narrowing of eyes (as interpreted by facial recognition software), and OFF by slamming your fist through the computer screen.
Default Setting: ON

Losers, one and all

Now I got these losers posting spam for free iPods on my blog by hand. SarahAnderson@yahoo.com, you are a simple bitch.
UPDATE: My blacklist let out a foul belch when he ate your site. You gots bad juju or sumfin.