Chuck Norris is the Sound of One Hand Clapping

An announcement on his site (LINK):

IN RESPONSE TO THE “RANDOM FACTS” THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET
I’m aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as “Chuck Norris facts.” I’ve seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I’m not quite sure what to make of it. It’s quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, “Against All Odds?” They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, “The Justice Riders,” released this month. I’m very proud of these literary efforts.
– Chuck Norris

In case you haven’t seen the list of random facts in question, Tom has a comprehensive one up on his blog.
“The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.” Heh. The second is porn moustaches.

How many things can we rent?

On my very first trip to Thailand, I rented a Jeep, a speedboat, a dirtbike, and a SPAS-12, so it only follows that we must try and do one better this time around.
Well, with a real live elephant who apparently likes to dance to drums reserved and ready to carry my fat ass into holy matrimony, it is time to turn my attention to another area: The big blue. And no, this is not to say I am investing in a ChinkPad.
I am thinking of chartering a 70-foot boat for a day-long fishing/diving cruise: Check it out!
The naked mermaid graphic on that page shows some real class, I tell you. It looks like for the amount of people that will be coming along, the breakdown will be about 3,000 to 4,000 yen per person ($30 – $40). Sound cool?
UPDATE: I’ve been asked to provide more details. I have sent an e-mail to the company requesting a private charter of the Peacock on 2/21 for a full day of fishing/diving for 15 to 20 people. Have not yet received a reply, but will update here and on the AirSet site when I do.

Admitting Change

I backed down from a fight in the parking lot this morning.
The funny thing is, I would have been completely morally justified in beating the shit out of this guy. He almost caused two school kids to get run over, and took displeasure in me calling him on it – and so he waited for me at the entrance of the parking lot, where he knew I had to walk to get to work.
He was talking tough and really trying to provoke a response. When that didn’t work and I walked right by him, he grabbed my jacket sleeve and tugged me back. And on top of it all, he was making a big show of half-pulling some kind of weapon from his jacket pocket – the classic mark of someone who is definitely not serious about using it. So yes, I was justified. I came pretty goddamn close to throwing an elbow at his throat; he was right up in my face with both hands occupied – one holding my lapel and the other in his pocket.
And yet, I let it slide. I backed down. We exchanged some harsh words, but the fact is, I consciously backed down. This is the second time I’ve been in a situation like this in two years, and the second time I’ve backed down.
It is not easy for me to back down. It really rubs me the wrong way; if this time is anything like last time, I won’t be able to sleep tonight because there was no release. Those feelings are like a poison inside me. They gnaw at my guts and make me tremble. And I knew it would end up like this, and I still chose to back down.
The thing is, Never Backing Down was a way of life for me for the longest time. It was an ideal way of life when I felt I had nothing to lose – so simple, so samurai. The thing is, though, even samurai realized they were fucked if they ever tried to live the warrior life only part of the time. In the book of Hidden Leaves, it states that a warrior must accept death on a daily basis. He must be ready to die at any time, and only then can he overcone his enemies. It basically said, you can be either a warrior, or be something else, but not both at the same time. Because deluding yourself into thinking you can do both is what will get you killed for sure.
And so I guess what I’m trying to say is, I have too much to lose now to indulge in unnecessary fighting. Which for someone, who for some reason runs into as many confrontations as I do, basically means that I will have to back down from fights if at all possible, even if it is hard to swallow afterwards.
Having too much to lose is a good thing, and I know I did the right thing, but it sure doesn’t help with this incredible frustration I feel right now…
Hurry, someone call me a pussy so I can kick your ass.

In the red corner, the 600lb. gorilla known as Digital

So much for all the camera snobs saying digital cameras would never catch up to film. Nikon is throwing in the cellulose towel.
The title “Nikon prepares to strengthen digital line-up for 2006” is almost ironic. This is somehow sad news, even though I was the earliest convert to digital I knew. Even before then, my idea of a fun camera was a thirty year old Asahi Pentax. Spending money on developing black and white film in Japan has always sucked major balls. None of the preceding sentences were really linked, and yet this is a paragraph.
Goodbye, film.
Interesting fact: My company owns the term, “dejicame.” Pretty cool.
(via Jim O’Connell on the Japan Photography Mailing List)

War Wagons

There’s a couple of automobile-related posts worth your time today.
M1114 Humvees are a thing of beauty to U.S. troops in Iraq
A Car and Driver correspondent runs missions with the 3rd Infantry Division in Baghdad, dodging IEDs and illustrating a different aspect of everyday life over there, as well as timing 0-60 and quarter mile runs in fully-armored military Humvees. Bonus: Story about a 105mm suppository. That donkey story has to be an urban myth, what kind of shithead wires his own cellphone to a bomb?
And transportation advice on a different kind of battlefield:
Traveling In Bangkok….By Bus!
I love traveling by bus in foreign countries, and Thailand is no exception. You can ride round and round the city for pennies a day, and it’s been my experience that local respect you for having the nads to ride the bus. One old lady was so impressed the first time T and I rode the bus, she gave us a bag full of deep fried grubs she was selling… We MUNCHED on those things, and POW, even though they were fairly disgusting, we are talking INSTANT MEMORABLE DINING EXPERIENCE IN FARAWAY LAND.

Human Nature

One thing that has become apparent with this overseas wedding is simply an old truth – it’s just best to ignore the big mouths. Nam and I have been planning to get married for years; we just never got around to it. Over those long years, I remember each and every person who urged us to have the wedding in Thailand so they could take a vacation there. They promised to attend, of course, like it was no big thing. “For you guys, OF COURSE I’ll be there, you’re family/good friends/important to me…”
Well, invitations were sent long ago and the requested RSVP date was the first of December. Guess the only people who haven’t responded at all? That’s right, the big mouths! The shit talkers, AKA Those Who Cannot Back Up That of Which They Speak. I call all of you out now. Because it’s not the fact that you cannot attend which bothers me – believe me, I know the expense/bother involved with taking time off work, etc., just to attend our Matrimonial Gloryfest Afar. Rather, it is the fact that NONE OF YOU so far has the stones to tell me you can’t go – FYI, an RSVP request can be answered in the negative without losing face, in fact it’s the RIGHT and POLITE thing to do. It’s the fact that you are IGNORING the invitation that rubs me the wrong way…. DO THE RIGHT THING, MOOKIE. Better yet, in the words of the immortal Ice Cube, FUCK ALL Y’ALL.
And now that I got that off my chest, I can write all you shit talkers off and proceed without regret.
God, I love this blogging shit.

Kodak’s New Logo

kodak-logo-old-new.jpg
“In another break with the past, Eastman Kodak Co. is introducing a new corporate logo designed to help the company forge a new image as a cutting-edge, 21st century innovator.”
Is it just me, or did some board member’s nephew’s design startup just laugh all the way to the bank? I didn’t think it was possible to make a lower case “a” look both retarded and “cutting-edge” at the same time. If that’s the direction lower case vowels are heading, cOUnt mE OUt, fOOls!
It almost goes without saying that the new logo looks much better backwards (this is J’s first axiom of 2006 – ALL SUCKY, REDESIGNED LOGOS LOOK BETTER BACKWARDS).
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Kabok, bitch!

Wedding Schedule – Airset

In order to better facilitate planning for the wedding, we are using a free site called AirSet that provides calendars, etc., as well as flexible security settings. I need to send an invitation via e-mail and you need to register at the site in order for you to get into our group. I sent out a bunch of invites today, but if I forgot you, please drop me a line (cosmicbuddha at gmail dot com).