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Movie Review: Van Helsing
Anna had nice tits.
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Hi, Huck!
Huck is coming to Japan next week. I’m going to make everyone practice their greetings in English in big, loud voices so Huck will be happy to meet them! I am such a good host. I feel like the future of East-West relations lies in my hands… CRUNCH! Ooops! I killeded it mama, I killeded it! Waaaa!
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I can’t believe it never occurred to me
As a visitor to Japan, surely, the worst possible (nick)name you could have is “Huck.”
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Yet another typhoon
Is it just me, or is God doing his best to wipe us pesky humans off the planet this year? This week’s typhoon (the swirly white butthole above) is called #22 in Japan and my guess is that they ran out of semi-real name sounding names and are just making random shit up now because its official name is “MA-ON.” Come on weathergeeks, that’s not even trying. “MA-ON” sounds like what an oppressed Vietnamese sweat shop worker moans the morning after a full bottle of Mekong whiskey or something. Speaking of which, I recently received a bottle of Johhny Walker Red as a gift. Some gift, huh? Maybe I’ll dye…
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Apologize, fucker.
I caught a guy walking off with my umbrella during lunch break. I was like, hey yo what the fuck, that’s my umbrella. The guy knew I had him, but decided to weakly claim it was his umbrella. Yet he did not protest when I snatched it out of his hands and left him in the rain. Asshole.
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Glazed Pilgrim with a side of Mawmenny, please
Check out this article on Slate today: Historical Fiction Quote: “While a Medieval Times castle seats anywhere from 900 to 1,500 people a night, and the Excalibur’s Tournament of Kings about 2,000 (a thousand at each seating), no present-day medieval feast comes even close to approaching the enormity of some of the Middle Ages’ heavy-hitters. We don’t know exactly how many people attended the marriage feast of Henry III’s daughter in 1251, but we do know that they gorged on 1,300 deer; 7,000 hens; 170 boars; 60,000 herring; and 68,500 loaves of bread. Feasters at the enthronement party for England’s Archbishop of Neville in 1465 consumed 1,000 sheep; 2,000 pigs;…
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$5 a mile is the least of it
If you have ever had an accident with a cab in Japan, chances are you have been screwed. The reason? Cab companies often rely on mafia-controlled insurance vendors to do their negotiations. I won’t hear any bullshit about this, either – if you don’t believe me, try getting rear-ended by a taxi and see who ends up with the short end of the stick. I know a guy whose parked car was totalled by a speeding cab in Kyoto – he didn’t like how the insurance companies settled things (he ended up receiving around 100,000 yen [around a grand] toward the purchase of a new car) so he took the…
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Near Miss
To the old lady who decided to suddenly step out in front of traffic without looking first this morning: My parking brake saved your life, but I believe you may need to change those Depends. This is not the first time my parking brake saved me from a collision, but I hope it’s the last; the narrow streets of Japan call for this maneuver and I truly believe it should be taught in driving school, although the brunt of the natives have a hard time even remembering which is the “go forward” pedal, so…
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Gory, gory, what a helluva way to die…
Yes, I’ve been watching too much Band of Brothers again. All I can say is, what a damn fine series. Along with 24 (go Kief!), Freaks and Geeks (/lament), and Firefly (/sob), this series on DVD helped keep me a bit saner this year.
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Ewotic
The subject of the spam I just got says: More info on how to please your partner again, inside For fuck’s sake, I’m still working – I almost bust a nut trying to keep quiet here! Have some fucking mercy already… Besides, my pleasuring skills have never lacked, inside. It’s the “help with cleaning” and “take me shopping” aspects that get me in trouble all the time…
