Author: Justin

Stunningly accurate ego trip

For those who are into the quiz thing, check this one out:


Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence


You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.
You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

Please note that the lowest common denominator for all of the professions listed is that you have to be a really good liar.

Most auspicious phone call

I promised myself not to blog at all this year until something really good happened. And now that the first fart bubbles in the sento (public bath) have surfaced in this new year, I am writing again!… Well, there’s another reason, as well – my pal T called last night and seems to have scored FREE TICKETS TO THE BEASTIE CONCERT AT OSAKA CASTLE NEXT WEEK! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! CHECK-CHA-CHECK-CHECK-CHECK-CHA-CHECKITOUT!
As you can see, I’m slightly excited – what an awesome start for the new year!

E-mailed memo to self

Sender: Justin Yoshida
Subject: razor blades
bring them to work.
It’s not what you think, whatever that is. I want to use them to improvise cutting blades for a Thompson cutting machine.
In other news, I am off for eight days starting in approximately one hour. Do you have any idea how long the next 60 minutes will seem?
In case I forget about the internet for a while, Happy New Year to you all!

Salaryman’s year-end maxim

I always plan to tie up loose ends and complete x amount of work by the end of the year; by the time Christmas rolls around my productivity dwindles to slightly above absolute zero and I’ve unconsciously convinced myself that all but the most critical issues can be postponed until work resumes.
This is my fourth or fifth salaryman Christmas, but the most annoying thing about the winter season in Japan, even more than work, continues to be Wham’s “Last Christmas” resounding throughout shopping malls, train stations, and other public gathering places near you.

Think Global, Act Retarded

You would think that the Lipovitan crystals I smoked before yesterday’s rant would have worn off by now. You would be wrong.
Today’s unwilling recipient of my hate is our company’s uniform. Specifically, the branding on it. I have actually grown quite fond of wearing a uniform to work, because it’s a hell of a lot easier than choosing barney-ass cubicle clothes every day (and hence cheaper as well, since I’m a gentle fucking giant in Japanese sizes and must import all my Dilbert-wear). However, a few years ago, my company changed vendors for our “Confederate Grays,” and said company named this line of poly-blend uniform, “EARTHINK.” Now, all of our uniform sleeves bear a white 1″ x 3″ label with “EARTHINK – RECYCLE” and a bunch of other environmental crap in Japanese printed on it. We are like walking billboards for ISO 14001, which just might be the idea, I guess, but still…. EARTHINK? What the hell is that? It nags at my conscience every few days, seriously:
Just what is EARTHINK?
EAR + THINK?
EARTH + INK?
Every Asshole Rikes To Hollering In North Korea?
So I asked my manager about it, and he replied most sagaciously, “get to work, you fucking bum.” Thus reprimanded, I cowered back to my desk. But he dropped by later, and admitted that he didn’t know what the hell it meant besides the hilariously interpretable Japanese pronunciation which is, “assinku.” I like assinku better than anything else, I guess.
I finally got around to Googling the shit today, and in its first reference to Japanese corporate uniforms, I found the following:
Earthink.jpg
THE TREES IS SCREAMING! REPENT, SINNERS – EARTHINK!
And now that I have found the true meaning of EARTHINK, I can die in peace.