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J. Lo’s interview with C. (“Cosmic”) Buddha, Esq.
In the following interview, Jennifer Lopez, star of The Wedding Planner (Sony Pictures, 2001), asks Cosmic Buddha about the specifics of his upcoming wedding in Thailand. J.Lo: Nice to see you again, CB. CB: Oh HELL YES. This is more like it. That other planning guy was killing me. J.Lo: Uh… O-K… Well, let’s get down to business, shall we? So far, I’ve only been told that you are holding the wedding in Thailand on February 18th of next year and planning a traditional Thai ceremony at your new house in the morning to be followed by a more traditional reception at a hotel in the evening. CB: That’s right,…
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Note to self
That was most likely not what Nam had in mind last night when she told me to think about the reception. Try again, Einstein.
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Endangered Species
The path I have chosen is the very model of assimilation into broader culture. – My blood is nearly 100% Japanese (whatever the hell that means), although I may have some Russian blood in me as well (that would explain my fondness for vodka and the occasional rogue orange whisker that sprouts from my chin). – My children will be of (nearly) 50% Japanese ancestry. – My grandchildren will be mostly machine, but partially designed in Japan. UPDATE: In a parallel history, my Japanese bloodlines have already disappeared due to a nefarious government plot. Fuckers!
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What’s Your Flavor?
Here is a user-friendly tool to help decide which Linux distros are a good match for your needs: Linux Distribution Chooser I’ve recently been carrying around a JP version of a Knoppix Live CD for use at net cafes and public terminals – very handy. The distros that this test recommended for me include Debian, Ubuntu, and Gentoo, which I have been hearing a lot about but just have not had time to check out yet.
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Do As I Say, Federal Emergency Management Edition
Oh my god. It’s like something I’d consider funny, except that it’s too retarded: If I can help people focus on preparedness, how to be better prepared in their homes and better prepared in their businesses – because that goes straight to the bottom line – then I hope I can help the country in some way Because we all know that loss of businesses is the real tragedy, right? Rescue teams are still searching house to house looking for 600+ missing businesses in the swampy waters, right?
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Crane-kicking it in heaven
This is sad. Ohaaaraaaaa! I may have made my last Mr. Miyagi joke.
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My new wallet
This is my new wallet, and I am secure in my manhood. Spicy move!
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All Daddy Wanted…
(from osaka bill)
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Mirin Desu
Sign says, “This is mirin.” I guess because some people might mistake it for cooking oil, even though it says “mirin” on the bottle. What they really need is some signs that say, “this is nira,” and, “these are green onions” in the veggie section, cuz I always see people mixing those two up.
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Questions to Which I Have Answered, “Oh, Fuck No!”
In Japan: – Do you wear shoes inside your home in America? > (…my mom would have a cow.) – Would you like to try a slice of Salmon Cream Pizza? > (…get that nasty shit away from me. squid, seaweed, and most other stuff from the sea have no fucking business on a pizza. fucking heathens.) – Do you want to come to karaoke? > (…i think i’ll have to miss out on this round of Drunken Asshole Vanity) – Do you want to play sex? > (…no, i’m waiting till i get married. plus, i don’t know how to say “double bagger” in japanese.) – How do you…
