Category: Thai Society/Culture

I just finished grading for the first semester of classes – whew! It was hard work, much more work than a sweaty gaijin should have to do in 38 degree (C) weather.
Anyway, many of my colleagues aren’t finished, so I told them about the “staircase method” of grading that I read about somewhere on the in-tar-webs. This consists of standing at the top of a staircase and throwing a stack of ungraded tests (or papers) down the stairs. The tests on the highest steps get A’s, the next highest get B’s, and so forth… My Thai colleagues really got off on this idea, maybe even a bit too much…
I must say that I never expected to become a teacher, much less at a university. But here I am. It’s been fun so far.

If you are looking for a specific book that’s still in print, your one-stop shop is the Kinokuniya in Siam Paragon. There is an Asia Books one floor down from it that looks like it’s about to go under because the selection at Kinokuniya is just that good. Also, the Kinokuniya branch at the Emporium comes nowhere close to the one at Siam Paragon, in terms of pretty much anything.
I haven’t been able to make a proper tour of the used bookstores in Bangkok yet. I know there are a few around, and a couple even have blogs – just haven’t had the time. I did spend a couple hours in the used book section at Jatujak market a couple weeks ago, and found a few treasures that I just had to have. The book section is the one area of Jatujak where you can leisurely browse and not feel completely overcome by that frenetic shopping/selling vibe prevalent throughout the rest of the market.

I like living in the third world, for the most part. Thailand is a great country and I like the fact that there’s a lot further to go up than down. Today, however, I experienced a downside to the lack of development when I went to the hospital for a sperm count.
Actually, we didn’t really go there to get my sperm tested, but I was kind of talked into it, if you know what I mean. It was all quite embarrassing, truth be told – the nurses kept giggling and saying the word “SPERM TEST” really loudly, in a waiting room full of people (yes, the word “sperm” has been carried over to Thai from English). Then I went to go see the doctor, who filled me in regarding the procedure… I think most guys can relate to what I was most concerned with, and basically the only thing I wanted to know was if they had any, um, how to say this… material. You know, like, inspirational material.
All of my worst fears were realized when the kind doctor answered “no,” then proceeded to tell me that I had to “do my business” in a restroom, since they had no, um, meat handling facilities. At that point I was ready to chicken out, but my wife and the nurses were quite adamant about me going through with it. “Hell,” I thought, “used to do it all the time when I was like, thirteen.” Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad…
The nurse handed me a plastic cup with a yellow, threaded cap and commanded in a loud voice, “PUT ALL YOUR SEMEN!” Then she pointed me toward the rear of the building.
This, my friends, is how I came to find myself in the public restroom at a hospital in Thailand, surrounded by geckos in a dirty toilet stall that stank like shit and death, trying to convince a very unhappy monkey that it really wanted to be spanked… With no materials! Think about that for a second…
I feel like I really took one for the team today.
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VERDICT: My sperm is so strong, it could make Chuck Norris ovulate…
I sang a Happy Sperm song all the way home! It sounded something like this:

My sperm is so strong,
It could kick your ass
It can swim in the ocean
and slither through grass
My sperm is so motile,
no one can say shit
You might get knocked up
by just looking at it!

My sperm challenges you to a game of wits! Bring it, biiiiiotches!

The Australian is reporting that the New Years bombings in the capitol were the work of Jemaah Islamiah. Originally the focus of investigation seemed to be on the former (Thaksin’s) regime; now they seem to be coming to the conclusion everyone else came to thirty seconds after the explosions: Muslim separatists from the south (Religion of Peace reprazent!)
Full story here.
I went to a local carnival yesterday (which I hope to write about soon) and was surprised to find so few people in attendance. Asking around this morning, it seems many people are afraid to go to big events now because of bombs. That’s just fucked. I, myself, think there is a 0% chance of that kind of shit happening here, and the fear response is just what the baby killers want… Fuck that.

I have found "my" new barber shop. I had a hard time finding a good place here at first; I made the mistake of trying beauty salons when really all I wanted was a barber shop. I had the same problem in Japan, and come to think of it, Japan was really horrible in this regard because if you walk into the wrong place, you might end up being there for hours (literally – my longest "stay" in a "fashionable" place was OVER 3 HOURS!). This is because they take service to a ridiculous level and serve you coffee before and maybe after your cut, plus sometimes take up to an hour for a simple hair cut (I once got so angry at the guy for taking so long and being so precise that I waited until he was done and told him to take off another 0.75 millimeters all around)! The funny thing is, a shave and a haircut is about all you can get in Japanese beauty salons.

Here in Thailand you can get a manicure, a pedicure, a massage, a facial pack, etc., etc., and so forth. Interestingly enough, however, you cannot get a handjob from an old lady like you can in Korea (or so I’ve heard).

So like I was saying, I found my new place here. Since it’s a men’s only barber shop, it’s no nonsense and offers none of the extras I mentioned above, but it’s fast. I sit down in one of the two chairs and walk out freshly shorn in fifteen minutes. Nothing new here, I found similar shops in Japan that I frequented. The difference is in the price – I was shocked when I found out. It costs me 40 baht ($1.10 US) for a shave and a haircut in Thailand.

I haven’t read a newspaper since I stepped off the airplane last October, simply because I think it’s an obsolete format for news. As it turns out, not many people I meet around here read the newspaper, either. News around these parts travels by word of mouth, quicker than you might imagine.

The other day I was shocked to hear that a policeman in a nearby town had been beaten to death by a local gang. The cop, who was in his fifties and off duty at the time, had asked a group of around 20 youths to keep it down at a restaurant. They responded by rushing his table and stomping his head, which may or may not have killed him outright. The thing is, they didn’t stop at that. They threw the man into the back of a pickup and sped off down the road. There were witnesses who called the police, but no one could identify the youths or the victim, and the police pursued the issue no further at the time.

One full day later, the family of the victim contacts the police to file a missing person report, and the police put two and two together. They suddenly realize one of their own has been assaulted and is missing, and a search effort is started… The desecrated and bullet-ridden body of the victim is soon discovered dumped over a nearby bridge. It is presumed that the perpetrators, having gone through the victim’s pockets, suddenly realized he was a cop and panicked, dumping the body in an obvious place.

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In any other country I’ve been in, this story would have ended in pretty much the same way. The perpetrators would have been hunted down in a massive police effort to avenge one of their brethren. But there’s a Thai twist to all of this. The police are singularly unsuccesful at apprehending even a single suspect out of the 20 or so reported, so the family decides to take things into their own hands, in the only way they know how. They bring the body of the fallen officer to a kind of spirit medium, a ghost talker mystic who not only claims to be able to speak with the fallen, but to be able to influence events in the real world. The seance is performed and the fallen officer is successfully contacted.

The next day, two of the attackers suddenly turn themselves in. The rest are being rounded up by the police, now that they have some place to start.

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My mother in law told us this story two days ago. Yesterday, she attended the funeral for the policeman, who turned out to be an old family friend.

This is all very new to me, but none of the Thais who heard this story thought there was anything strange about it.

Not much to report here this week except that we had another barbecue today. I’m pretty sure I’m going to make this into a weekly thing, just because it kicks so much ass. Among other things, I cut up whole chickens and marinate them in soy sauce, sesame oil, fresh ground ginger, and a bit of sugar, then grill them at high temp. This caramelizes the sugar and makes the outside crispy and the inside tender and juicy. Most Thais just do not understand this flavor. That is, they cannot appreciate it because they either say it is salty (which it is on the outside), or does not taste Thai. This makes me sad.

 

Something that really tripped me out this evening was drinking beer and watching the stars with this farmer dude. I told him he was lucky to be able to see the stars so clearly every night, unlike in the city. He was all like, the stars are there no matter where you travel, right? I told him they are there, but you can’t see them because it’s too bright in the city and the sky isn’t clear like this. Homeboy had no idea what the hell I was talking about. This made me very happy.