Damn, this is the funniest thing I’ve seen all week:
Absolutely hilarious eBay ad for motorcycle helmet
(First seen at Gen’s blog, but the eBay page he linked to got taken down.)
Category: Web
Well Done
Back in January, in this post, I wrote about Japan’s de facto online price comparison site, kakaku.com. Much like Buy.com and other American equivalents, kakaku is constantly expanding their listings – from all manner of new and used electronics to insurance plans, hotel rates, and sports equipment. Even so, I was surprised to visit their page for the first time in quite a while this morning and find their newest listing: Funeral services.
Link:
http://www.kakaku.com/sougi/
I’ll translate the instructions for you:
STEP 1: Select desired funeral plan and region. Plans available are Cremation Only (I assume there’s a further choice of Regular or Extra Crispy), Family and Relatives, Standard (40 people), Standard (100 people), Company, or Special (musical themed or non-religious themed, etc.). Regions are currently limited to Tokyo and Kanazawa.
STEP 2: Make more detailed choices.
STEP 3: Receive a quote.
Quick! Easy! We’ll only charge you half the price of a new car to think up a special Buddhist name for the afterlife! Yes, I know I will go to hell for writing this. Satan, beware.
On a more serious tip, though, there’s a listing for a place in Tokyo that will burn a body for you for the modest sum of 136,500 yen ($1,250). Something to keep in mind.
Ask C. Buddha: Celebrity Dreams
Jen e-mailed about the newly-created Nick Nolte’s Diary and asked why celebrities are “always writing about dreams and feelings and flowery shit.”
Well Jen, that’s simple. Celebrities are, for the most part, total fucking pansies with a shitload of free time between making horrible movies, getting jasmine-infused honey colonics, and modeling for “charity.” As for the “vivid dreams” which are a trademark of their web writings, celebrities can obviously afford better drugs and booze than the rest of us.
Monkey’s Uncle
As in, mean ol’ uncle Pete:
“New” giant ape found in DR Congo
Somewhere, Michael Crichton is raising a glass of wine and thinking, “I told you so.” And I for one give him full props – he even got the country right! It sounds like the primatologist, Shelly Williams, got extremely lucky she didn’t end up like Misulu:
Something struck him lightly in the chest. At first he thought it was an insect but, glancing down at this khaki shirt, he saw a spot of red, and a fleshy bi of red fruit rolled down his shirt to the muddy ground. The damned monkeys were throwing berries. He bent over to pick it up. And then he realized that it was not a piece of fruit at all. It was a human eyeball, crushed and slippery in his fingers, pinkish white with a shred of white optic nerve still attached at the back…
…And he saw Misulu. Misulu lay on his back, in a kind of halo of blood. His skull had been crushed from the sides, the facial bones shattered, the face narrowed and elongated, the mouth open in an obscene yawn, the one remaining eye wide and bulging. The other eye had exploded outward with the force of impact.
Bad, bad monkeys!
Ewotic
The subject of the spam I just got says:
More info on how to please your partner again, inside
For fuck’s sake, I’m still working – I almost bust a nut trying to keep quiet here! Have some fucking mercy already… Besides, my pleasuring skills have never lacked, inside. It’s the “help with cleaning” and “take me shopping” aspects that get me in trouble all the time…
Obligatory Japanese News Link of the Day
If you’re a Japanews Bloghound, you’ve doubtlessly seen this article linked to no less than five times today:
More Japanese men prefer sitting whizzes
I just want to know one thing: If you think so many Japanese men are sitting on Western-style toilets to take a leak, WHY DO I SEE SO MANY OF THEM PISSING ON THE STREET FOR JUST ABOUT EVERYONE TO SEE?
Then again, maybe I’m just seeing imaginary, urinating ojisans.
All In Your Mind
Even if you aren’t usually prone to motion sickness, don’t check out this link just after eating:
Akiyoshi’s illusion pages
Oh, man, I almost lost the tori negi-sauce don I had for lunch.
Unleashing Your Inner Loser
This proves that just about anybody can publish a book these days:
How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men
This is so pathetic on so many levels, I don’t know where to start. I think the publisher can sum it up for us best:
Perfect to use as a reference, for dating, and for romantics everywhere, this book contains over 200 pages how to guide, on love, dating and relationship for the Asian man with a Caucasian woman.
You know what Asian men need to be successful with chicks? I’ll give you a hint: It sure ain’t another book to stick their noses in, Einstein. Hell, you might as well sell the online version only so Mr. Long Duck can reference his PDA in between dinner courses!
Of course, what Asian men really need is a role model, like Rick James (I’m Ricky Yin, bitch!). But I’m not sure I wanna go there today…
Under the “Customers who viewed this book also viewed” section, one of my favorite books is listed: Hello My Big Big Honey!. Basically, this is the best title for any book I have ever seen, and the fact that I accidentally found this gem at a musty secondhand store in the dogshit slums of Bangkok only endears it further. I don’t remember much about the story except that it was sad, but Adam wrote about it in a bit more depth here.
Bass Otaku
An excellent article on Takahiro Omori and the pro bass fishing scene in the US and Japan:
Bass Fishing in America
Reporting for Duty
CBFTW is back blogging in a big way. For those of you who don’t know, he’s running the best stationed-in-Iraq blog since Just Another Soldier got shut down (IMHO). Link:
MY WAR: Fear and Loathing in Iraq