These long, dreary trips out to factories way out in the country – I will not miss them.
When you leave the concrete landscapes of urban sprawl and start seeing more trees than cars, you know you have left the embrace of modern Japan. Strange things start occuring to you in the sweltering heat of an uncontrolled climate, as the lush green of summer passes by.
Perhaps the majority of Japanese will die never having peed in the woods.
Most have never camped outside for free, or without being in close proximity of the car they came in.
Surely, none would know how to wage a guerilla war from the forest and fire an M-60 one-handed like John Rambo.
Like I said, the heat gets to you. But the reason I will not miss these trips out to factories in the sticks is not really the locales persay, it’s the people who work in them. You see, it’s my own private theory that for the vast majority of Japanese people, happiness can be directly calculated from the concentration of convenience stores, train stations, and pachinko parlors in their proximity. Remove just one of these factors from the equation, and you are tempting fate.
It’s like the triangle theory of efficient kitchen design – you want the sink, the stove, and the refrigerator positioned equidistantly.
Anyway, factories are usually located out in the boonies, and the ones I visit are no exception. The workers live close by in dorms or cheap apartments (that they jokingly refer to as “log mansions”), and you can tell there is a serious lack of the Golden Three, as mentioned above, because everyone looks seriously brain dead, and zombified, and honestly, just plain uninterested in living much longer.
In Japan, it is very hard working with brain dead zombies who have lost the will to live in the sweltering heat of pre-summer.
That is all.
Author: Justin
From the journal of an early explorer
It makes perfect sense that true vampire bats are neither:
A. (exclusively) frugiverous, or
B. (exclusively) insectivorous
That is all.
//
Note: An alternative title to this post is, “Why I love the Discovery Channel,” but I really am reading a journal of an early explorer: Head Hunters of the Amazon: Seven Years of Exploration and Adventure
(Thanks to Y0j1mb0 for the link)
“Paintings of Murdoc as Wolverine”
And here’s a WIRED interview with Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett of the Gorillaz: Keeping It (Un)real
“Vietnamese fish-ball soup or an incredible peach cobbler”
Be sure to check out this interview of Chowhound.com co-founder Jim Leff: LINK
Remote Damage Report
Because today did not start off so well (I almost got in TWO accidents on the way to work, where I was promptly chastised for not buttoning down the button-down collars on my new pink shirt – how could I make something like that up?), I was happy to read my mom’s commentary on the party they had at home. Apparently, we in the Land of the Big Red Rising Riceball missed out on:
– Hot Dogs
– Barbecued Kalbi
– Silver Queen corn
– Homegrown zucchini, eggplant, Maui onions, and bell peppers
– My Auntie Betty’s potato salad, fresh-baked cookies, and a “crusty, crunchy coffee toffee cake”
– 20 pounds of King crab legs
– Case of oysters
– Lumpia
– Auntie Ling’s steamed ginger/scallion flounder and deep-fried flounder
…and to top it all off, S’mores.
The thing that really gets me though, is that they were able to make S’mores in our fireplace. Living in Japan for so long, I basically forgot those things existed.
Misery loves (my) company: A Friday haiku by J. Yoshida, Esq.
Awash in pink sea,
Workers in new uniform,
Banzai off a cliff.
//
Explanation: Today the Nihon Keizai Shimbun leaked that my company is laying off 10,000 employees! Can’t help but wonder how many could have been saved, say by not changing the uniforms for the entire workforce. And I’m sure that the 10,000 that get the axe will be thrilled to have learned their fate from a newspaper!
New Uniform Photo
There are times when you just have to throw caution to the wind (and hope it doesn’t fly right back in your face). I’ve decided to give in and let you see the design abortion/uniform we will be wearing to work today…
Tomorrow in Pink
And so it shall be. Tomorrow, July 1st, is the beginning of my end. Yes, tomorrow I will be wearing light bluish-gray trousers with elastic waistband, and a short-sleeve pink button down shirt w/red accents. It is unfathomably bad.
Yet I know you are all with me in spirit, yes?
Apparently so, for I have heard requests for pictures of the new duds from around the world! You are all bad people, and will burn in hell for teasing me. And yet, it somehow seems fitting (the hell part).
The thing is, I have never actually revealed my company on this blog – you may find it interesting that I made writing about my work experiences permissible part of my contract, back when I started the job 5+ years ago (although I only started blogging a couple years ago, I started writing the Salaryman Adventures in late 2000.) They basically told me to use discretion and not sell any blueprints to the Soviets, and I have honored those conditions. Posting a uniform is a gray area in my mind, insofar as that if you don’t know what major electronics company has a manufacturing base on Awajishima, neither should you be able to guess by our new metrosexual uniforms.
Plus, what am I? Your puppet? A dancing bear? Your biiiiiooooooootch? Must I heed your every whim and post humiliating photos of myself for your pleasure?
As a Japanese Yoda would say, “pondering, I must.”
Unintentional Harakiri
This is a pretty amusing video someone sent me. You should look at the tiny on-screen details the second time around in order to appreciate it fully.
And now, in the immortal words of Hiro Protagonist, we present: REDNECK KATANA!
Random Osaka Photos
Some snapshots from this past weekend, taken with my keitai:
Kinda funny about the cage thing, because the Japanese simply states, “no pets allowed.” Found @ Bic Camera in Namba.
BUBBLE MAN! New competition for the grape Fanta market, with a retro cartoon design that just screams, “designed by someone’s 14-year old nephew in MS Paint.” Seen here in a vending machine near Sankaku Koen.
Now we get to the creepy stuff. CUT FACE!?! If you are stupid enough to go to this barber shop, don’t some crying to us – remember, they still shave you with straight razors in Japan. Taken at a crosswalk on Nagahori-dori.
FAMILY LOVER! Another nomination for Engrish of the Year award. Yes, that is a painted rock. On sale at Tokyu Hands for 580 yen.