Dream Job

When I quit working in Osaka five years ago, this would have been my dream job:
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As the worldwide leader and innovator in the creation of interactive entertainment, Nintendo Co. Ltd., of Kyoto, Japan, manufactures and markets hardware and software for its popular home video game systems. The systems include Game Boy?, Nintendo? 64, Game Boy Advance and the NINTENDO GAMECUBE. Since the release of its first home video game system in 1985, Nintendo has sold more than 1.4 billion video games worldwide, creating enduring industry icons such as Mario and Donkey Kong and launching such franchises as Zelda and Pokemon. As a wholly owned subsidiary, Nintendo of America Inc., based in Redmond, Wash., serves as headquarters for Nintendo’s operations in the Western Hemisphere.
We are looking to fill 6 Contract Bilingual Technical Writer/Translator positions.
Description of Duties
– Coordinates the production and distribution of technical documentation related to manufacturing, repair, and quality control of Nintendo products
– Translates/localizes manufacturing engineering and quality control documentation issued by the parent company and other technicaldocumentation
– Coordinates document project priorities and scheduling
– Assigns and archives localized documentation in the document control system (AGILE)
– Maintains the accuracy and quality of technical documentation localized from Japanese to English
– Researches and formulates technical information for publication
– Coordinates translation activities
– Initiates new publishing and localization procedures that improve current practices
– Supports other technical writing, translation, and localization projects as required
– Provides assistance on quality control and manufacturing engineering projects
Qualifications
– 3-5 years translation experience
– Written and verbal fluency in Japanese and English
– Excellent writing skills
– In-depth knowledge of Japanese and English, grammar, spelling and punctuation
– Ability to ascertain and formulate the information needed to complete localization of technical publications and content required to support English/Japanese and Japanese/English translations
– Excellent organizational and project management skills
– Ability to work independently with minimal supervision
– Experience using various document publishing software (Microsoft Word, Microsoft Excel, Microsoft PowerPoint, Microsoft Visio, Adobe FrameMaker, Adobe Acrobat, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator)
– Familiarity with Agile CM
– Experience in a technical environment is desirable
Education
– Undergraduate degree in English/Business or equivalent
** Applications and resumes will only be accepted through Nintendo’s website at http://www.nintendo.com/corp/jobs.jsp as we no longer accept paper, faxed, or emailed resumes.
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Luckily, I found another one, pink shirts be damned. I wonder what Nintendo company uniforms look like, though. I’m guessing something like this:
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Bust out the cane sword

For those of you coming to our wedding in Thailand, we will be hiring a couple of masseuses to stay at the hotel and treat all of our guests to muscle-kneading nirvana. Why masseuses as opposed to male masseurs?
Well, obviously, first this is because I’m a guy and I have a sausage-snatching-by-other-men phobia, but this is kind of beside the point, because the masseuses I intend to employ are old women. In fact, the one who we have already confirmed is an old, blind woman – so I know she rocks without even having met her. You see, I have had a variety of massages here and there over the years. They have been performed by males and females, young and old. The best massages I have ever had were all done by old women. Add to that fact the heightened physical awareness presumably caused by blindness, and you have the recipe for really being made an old woman’s bitch on the massage table – I can’t wait! How about you?
Coincidentally, I’m currently in the process of downloading all 25 of the original Zatoichi movies.
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Katsu Shintaro was the fucking man!

Finding a Wife, Old Testament Style

This is pretty funny: Top 15 Biblical Way to Acquire a Wife
My favorites:
– Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours.
(Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
– Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
– Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
David (I Samuel 18:27)
– Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
And I’m sure my pal T would agree:
– Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)