Month: October 2004

Typhoon Tokage

I always used to laugh when I saw somebody use an umbrella in high winds, seemingly being pulled around by an invisible donkey until the inevitable point where the umbrella is pulled outward like a double-jointed flagellate. No more. That shit happened to me today and I almost got my eye poked out. After so many close calls with BB guns in my youth, it would just be wrong to lose an eye any other way.
Yes, friends, it’s another installment of this year’s hit quiz show, Name That Typhoon!
Hint: Today’s typhoon has a Japanese name.
What’s that? I thought the Japanese didn’t name their typhoons and simply numbered them.
That’s absolutely true, today’s typhoon is #23. Apparently what happened is that the Stupendously Hip International Typhoon-Naming Organization (SHIT-NO) ran out of English names. For the last typhoon, they just made some stupid ass name up. This time, they are honoring the kamikaze, or divine wind, that saved Japan from invading Mongol hordes not once but two times way back in history when there were samurais and fiefs and shit.
// ALERT! JUST ANNOUNCED ON COMPANY PA: WORK WILL END EARLY DUE TO TYPHOON! SCUTTLE BACK TO YOUR HOLES, LITTLE PEONS! LIVE TO SERVE ANOTHER DAY! //
Uh oh. It’s really howling out there. Hope I don’t poke an eye out.

Cheerful Monday People…

Must die.
Please God, make them go away. I asked one of the girls why she was all smiles today. She said it was because the new fax machine we ordered came in this morning. She said its sparkling newness was a good omen for the rest of the week.
Oh. Well then.
The thing is, I can’t figure out if she was high on the reefer and making fun of me, or if this is just a sign that the Japanese take their trademark happy worker bee thing a bit too seriously.