Charcoal filtered Maxi Pad – with Wings!

Some just aren’t man enough to take credit for the stank: Flatulence Odor Control Products

In 2002 Brian retired from the Hawaii Army National Guard after serving 23.5 years so he could tend to the growing demands of the business. It was there, where Brian came up with the idea for the Flatulence Deodorizer (known today as the Flat-D). During a simulated Chemical attack, Brian and few other soldiers were tasked to complete their mission, while wearing Chemical protective clothing. While wearing the clothing he released gas and noticed that he couldn’t smell any odor nor could anyone else. But it wasn’t until one morning when Brian’s wife had an episode of gas did Brian make the connection. Brian’s wife made a statement that would set the wheels in motion. She said “Too bad there’s not underwear that can be worn and you don’t have to worry about the odor”.

This product, I feel, would make the most humiliating birthday gift for just about anyone who doesn’t need it.

Thailand Blogspot Ban

All of you on blogspot.com are apparently dangerous… You have all been banned in Thailand for the past couple weeks. No word on when the ban will be lifted, since it was never officially imposed. The reason behind the ban was apparently to suppress any anti-gov sentiment during the previous party’s court ruling last week (they got disbanded).
FWEEDOM OF PEACH, FUWEBA!

Social Insurance Operation Center (Japan)

This is a heads up to anybody trying to get in touch with the ?????????? (Social Insurance Operation Center) from overseas. The old telephone number listed on all of their official forms 03-3334-3131 or 0333343131 (dialed from overseas as 81-3-3334-3131 or 81333343131) is no longer in service and you may or may not hear a recorded NTT message that says their new number is 057-007-1165 or 0570071165. However, upon dialing this new number you will receive another recorded message stating that “this number is not reachable from overseas.” If you are like me, you will get a shrinking feeling in your stomach…
Then you will use your 1337 search skillz and perhaps find the needle in a haystack on a procurement document for toner cartridges: 03-5344-1100 (from overseas dial 81-3-5344-1100)
They will ask for an extension; tell them you’re a foreigner and love sushi and geisha, and everything will work out.
You’re welcome.

Random Marine Biology Update

Sometimes I get jealous of my little bro and sis working at the Monterey Bay Aquarium – how cool is that? – and just want to join in on the rampant fish nerdicalism they must be enjoying every day. So here are my suggestions for water cooler/lunch table/apres ski chat today, guys:

This is me, holding my tongue

You know, it really shouldn’t be illegal to shoot a certain number of in-laws in one’s lifetime, say three or so. At the very least, dueling (between in-laws) should be brought back on a trial basis.
That is all.
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On second thought, it sucks to end on such a hopeful note, so here’s a photo of a plate of delicious bugs that a gardener gathered from our backyard forest and asked if I wanted to share for lunch:

Don’t mistake the ant eggs for grains of rice. Homeboy must have dug up an ant colony, among other things – Nam poked around it with a twig and a small dead frog emerged.

Front and center is a queen, I believe. To the left, a soldier tugs on a dead beetle thing. That’s as much as I’ll attempt with identification…. Mm-mmm!

These red ants grow to about half an inch long and when they bite, you can FEEL the pincers sinking in… When they crawl up your pant leg, it’s frantic monkey dance time.
Oh, as an afterthought I might as well admit that this fine meal was just…. too goddamn disgusting to try, even for me.

Tainted by Marriage (Thai Government Bank Discrimination)

Okay, I have a really fucked up situation that needs airing, even if the country in which I am currently residing isn’t being ruled by an elected government and the province we live in is still officially under martial law. I thought long and hard on the porcelain about how to state this and I’ve decided to do it quick and dirty, without being too specific.
Last Friday, Nam went to a government bank to apply for a housing loan (we be moving soon, but that’s another story/rant). The president of this bank refused her application on the grounds that she is – wait for it now – married to a foreigner!
(Cue NWA: MOTHERFUCKER, SAY WHAT?)
Oh, man, that just blew our minds…. We made sure several times, and he came back with the same answer unwaveringly: Thai nationals who are married to foreigners cannot borrow from their bank because they are also considered foreigners. So to be clear: My wife, who went to the pains of getting seriously educated overseas, incurring huge student loans in the process (which are being paid back now with long years of underpaid university work), and who is dedicated to giving back to the system isn’t eligible for a (relatively modest) housing loan because her husband is a foreigner.
So we thought, maybe, you know, this being a rural bank and all that, maybe Mr. Hillbilly Goatfucker bank president just got his wires crossed and was saying some xenophobic shit and refusing to even consider Nam’s loan application – which I understand is his right, but I also know is shit we can call him on, you know? So Nam called up the main bank in Bangkok and guess what? What we ran into isn’t discrimination on the part of our local branch, it’s actual Thai government policy.
Well, fuck me very much.
Not really much else to say, except, hey, if they don’t want our money, any number of private banks are happy to serve us (and take our money).