Category: Web

Finding a Wife, Old Testament Style

This is pretty funny: Top 15 Biblical Way to Acquire a Wife
My favorites:
– Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours.
(Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
– Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
– Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
David (I Samuel 18:27)
– Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
And I’m sure my pal T would agree:
– Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

Python Bursts After Trying to Eat Gator

gator-python.jpg

In this photo provided by the Everglades National Park, the carcass of a six-foot American alligator is shown protruding from the mid-section of a 13-foot Burmese python Monday, Sept. 26, 2005 in Everglades National Park, Fla., after the snake apparently swallowed the alligator resulting in the deaths of both animals.

Inherit the wind, oh fuzzy little animals…
LINK

Basic Man FAQ

FAQ: How many men does it take to open a beer?
Answer: None. It should be opened when she brings it.
FAQ: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Answer: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
FAQ: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
Answer: It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
FAQ: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
Answer: When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me…”
FAQ: How do you fix a woman’s watch?
Answer: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
FAQ: Why do men fart more than women?
Answer: Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
FAQ: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
Answer: The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
FAQ: What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
Answer: A woman who won’t do what she’s told.
FAQ: I married a Miss Right.
Answer: I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
FAQ: Why do men die before their wives?
Answer: They want to.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
(many thx to Osaka bill whose previous contribution, 25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP, was linked/used extensively, then was eventually translated into French and spread even further.)

The Finer Points of Puppetry

And now in the continuing saga of America… Fuck Yeah!, we proudly present:
Topic: Terorists (sic) makng (sic) fun of DPRK and Dear Leader!
Just a few of the gems posted so far:
– “I stand with Comrade Kwango in saying that these are bastards. They should be found and smited good for their aggressions against the people of the DPRK and Generalissimo Kim Jong Il.”
– “and comrades, not to forget: Kim Jong Il is really NOT a lonely man, he?s the father of the whole korean nation!!! Long live Kim Jong Il !!!”
– “Pizza cook man said that Dear Leader covort with Japanese women and burn 100 dollar notes lighting cigars like some capitalist evil one.“