Retroflakes

starwars_cereal.jpg
I can’t prove it, but I think there’s a good chance that this is the same packaging that Kellogg’s used when Episode IV first came out. Wait, no… There would have been a toy enclosed inside if that was the case. I forgot that all breakfast cereals used to include a special toy that we would fight to get when the box was first opened.
The unspoken rule was that all of the cereal from the previous box had to be finished before the new box was breached, so the strategy to prevent someone else from being the first was to leave more cereal than one person could consume in one sitting. Of course, the limits of gastronomical endurance were pushed to the threshold, and calculations of who could eat how much had to be adjusted and given further consideration. Add secret alliances, deception, and treaties to the mix, and you can see how complicated the simple activity of eating cereal could be.
Of course, someone always eventually called on the parents to make things “fair”, or older siblings would just invoke “might vs. right”. Perhaps it was the ugliness of humanity that surfaced due to competition over who had right to the toy that forced the cereal companies to stop including them in the packaging. Nah, on second thought I think they’re just cheapskates.
The worst part of the transition to the no-toys-included state of cereal today is that they printed lame masks, coloring sheets, and activities on the back to try and compromise. I think that was even more disappointing than not having anything at all.

5 thoughts on “Retroflakes”

  1. I’m still getting over the shock of Jus’ new uniform…lucky you, to be able to reminisce about Star Wars cereal toys instead! BTW, have you seen “Revenge of the Sith” yet?

  2. I think my favorite cereal box toy prize were the sticky-tentacle octopi. You remember, the ones we used to throw up against the sliding glass door, where they’d cartwheel down, slowly? They’d be cool and sticky for about — two hours, then get coated in dust and goo, and wouldn’t work properly ever again.

  3. Yeah, those things rocked. I got a giant one for Christmas, and I tossed it against all of the walls and the ceiling of my room for a couple of days. It turns out that the slime chemically reacted with the latex paint, leaving very noticeable trails. Mom was so pissed at me, because she had to re-paint the room.
    It can be so hard to tell what will get you into trouble, and what is safe when it comes to playing.

  4. I remember the Octopi! The baking soda scuba men. The sponge animals. It was great to be the youngster by 5 and 7 years. I had no cereal competion at all…but I did hate when my mom bought plain cornflakes. Those things just were not fun.

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