The First Step Out

This past weekend served to be the first of many realizations that I am graduating. Saturday was the last pledge banquet I would ever attend as a college student. Sunday, I took my graduation photos and attended what would be my last GBM as an active.

I am officially demitted.

I knew this happened every quarter to graduating seniors and I knew I was going to demit, but it was just so strange having to search for my sunglasses right before I left for GBM. It was sad and I had that heavy feeling you get when you're about to cry, but strangely I did not cry as much as I had at previous demittings. I don't know why. Maybe it was because there was so much going on. Maybe it was because so many of us had already graduated and left. Maybe it was because it still hadn't really sunk in. I don't know why, but I still feel so...heavy.

Usually, after I have a good cry, it's sense of catharsis; I have a huge weight lifted and I can move on. But in this case, this sense of graduation, of leaving what has become my home and family for the past 4 years is just being bottled up inside and I have not been able to have a good cry over it yet. It's just getting heavier by the day. I guess it's normal to feel confused and mixed up about how I should feel and how I do feel. Right?