Losing Grip

I've lost my passion for things, people, hobbies, everything. The only thing I haven't completely lost is my passion for food since it's necessary for my survival, though my food intake has decreased considerably. Over the weekend, my family said I had lost weight, though I don't think I really have? I thought my collar-bone area was looking more, well, boney but that the fat was going to my stomach and thighs instead. If I have lost weight, then that means my stress has manifested into the worst lifestyle possible (minus drugs and STI's).

I thought that when I went home this weekend that I would take up my unfinished projects and complete them with an actual, material result so that I could feel somewhat accomplished admist my quarter of miserable failures. However, I couldn't find the jacket I had been working on over the summer and thus, no product.

I know I've been feeling my failures more than usual as of late, but I really think it's affecting me this quarter. I've been having daydreams of being in accidents, mostly a car accident. Usually it happens in split seconds where I'm in a situation, like driving a car and making a left hand turn at a signal, when my daydream interrupts my focus and I imagine a truck barreling into the side of my car because it was going too fast, didn't pay attention to the light, or just didn't care to pay attention to anything at all. My paraoia of elevators has heightened; I took the stairs today because I didn't want to imagine in slow motion the effect of a falling elevator. I don't want to say I'm suicidal because I certainly don't want to be, but it makes me wonder why I'm so distracted when there are people who have worse problems than me.

I think I need to get off my ass and do something because I can't stand feeling sorry and miserable for myself, other people and situations I can't or don't know how to fix. I would love to go abroad and help people in need because it's time to remember what's really important in this world. I've gotta grab hold to something, anything so that I don't drive myself or anyone else insane.