Loafisms

The word loaf has many usages and its meanings are dependent upon the context in which it is used in. “Loaf” is most commonly used hand in hand with “bread”. and is sometimes used as a verb (my boss is good at loafing), adjective (a loaf of whole wheat, what a loafer) and noun (I’ll take a loaf and a bottle of Lucky Charcoal Filtered Vodka please!).
“Loaf” often elicits a pavlovian effect on those who hear it, commonly making stomachs grumble. However, the expression “I’m going to pinch a loaf” makes normal people wrinkle their noses and verbally express their disgust. Equating the act of defecation with baking is so vile, that it never fails to be at least somewhat funny everytime I hear it.
Which leads me to a question: can certain types of feces be considered “loaves”? I think so. A loaf can be defined as “stuff compressed or formed into a solid column-like form, through the processes of baking or squishing that stuff together”. After all, cold cuts are sliced from loaves of various nitrite injected proteins(think olive loaf). And, you gotta admit, the french baguette, fruit cake(vile in its own right), and other types of bread, tend to resemble our excrement. It is not uncommon for my brother to proudly describe what he flushes, and he can probably recollect his favorite noteworthy specimens. He might even have a photo album.
This picture though, put together two words that I just never expected to see together. Now, after being in Japan for a year, I have aquired a taste for many animal parts that are not commonly eaten in the States(chicken gristle, gizzard, hormone, stewed tendons and ligaments, etc…, among them tongue. But for some reason, when you add almost any bodily part with the word “loaf” it is transformed into something that is instantly disgusting. Here, why don’t you try: Think of a random body part (say, for example, skin) and add the word “loaf”. And presto! Mmmmmmm…. skin loaf! What a fun word! And who says learning English is no fun?!?