Snow Crash the Movie

It seems like the rumors about a movie version of Snow Crash from a few years back have basically disappeared. If so, good. I have zero faith in Hollywood being able to create anything even remotely as good as the book. Plus, there’s the whole half-black, half-asian protagonist thing to work out – more than likely, they’d devise some brilliant way around it involving Tom Cruise, eyelid glue, and a can of creosote.
Zero faith. Heh. Reminds me of a planning company I used to pass every day on the way to work, near Nam’s old apartment in Tamade (Osaka): ZERO PLANNING.

6 thoughts on “Snow Crash the Movie

  1. I wish so badly that your words weren’t true. I think Snow Crash could be a fantasitc movie, but let’s face it. Hollywood would probably kill it. And just for a laugh, he’s how:
    * They’d change the ethnicity so Hiro and Juanita are both the same race, and have no interacial couples
    *lame CGI Rat-things
    *5 words; Keanue Reeves as Hiro Protagonist
    * Make Juanita Marquez Prodestant and all the villains Catholic
    * Let some ditzy teen singer play Y.T.
    * Draw out the cool action scenes, until the audience actually gets sick of it
    *Try fitting every single detail from the book into the film, making for yet another 3-hour long movie
    * Make Juanita and Y.T. look like typical Hollywood heroines (fake hair, tons of makeup) which the author constantly emphasises that they are NOT
    * Purposly make Hiro’s kimono red, just because the book stresses so often that it is black
    * Try censoring the voilence of Raven’s killings
    * Some big-name wrestler with no acting talent as Raven
    * Try making the movie 100% serious, despite how wacky the book is

  2. And also the “Director’s Cut”, with an alternate ending in which Hiro turns out to be a replicant.

  3. I’m salivating over the merest whisper of this book getting turned into a movie, BUT, they’d have to get someone to do it right, someone who respects the original source. My suggestions – if the movie ever gets made:
    Director – The only competent director would be someone who has the balls to go up against the MPAA to get a hard-R rating… it’s the only way it would work. Someone with the technical know-how and track record to be able to demand the correct budget, too. Several names come to mind – James Cameron, David Fincher and Peter Jackson. Zak Snyder might also do it justice.
    Casting – The director would also have to have the balls to demand at LEAST an Asian actor for Hiro (professional Asian/black actors probably aren’t too common, but I’m only guessing). John Cho? Johnny Nguyen? Takeshi Keneshiro (sp)? There’s no way in hell YT could actually be 14 like in the book (as she has to get intimate with Raven, swear, lie, get beaten up, etc). She’d have to be at least 16, possibly 18. This is an unfortunate change, but a necessary one. And Raven? Vin Diesel would kick ass – wait! Don’t laugh yet. Remember how badass he was in Pitch Black? With the right material, he’s awesome.
    For the look of the film, one that comes to mind is Strange Days, kind of a neo-modernist grunge-fest where chaos is only a few minutes away.
    I’ve been wondering whether narration would be a plus or minus – it’s probably the only way you’d get Stephenson’s unique language across, and many of the internal monologues/details in the book’s exposition simply can’t be left out…
    I actually contacted Stephenson’s agent a few years ago, and he said that it was being made as a TV movie, which made my heart sink. This NEEDS to be made as a badass hard-R movie, not a TV movie of the week. Whaddya think?

  4. Interesting ideas about the movie,Sir Greg! And I think I agree with them all (don’t know much about Vin Diesel though). Hiro, the main point is he’s part Asian and part American, they just have to get that right. I’ve seen movies with skateboarder girls played by reasonable teen actresses, so finding a YT shouldn’t be hard. As for Juanita, if she’s not too old now, Roxan Dawson would be PERFECT, physically, and characterwise. Her character on Star Trek was almost exactly the same as Juanita- just take away B’Elanna’s Klingon temper and you’ve got Juanita Marquez.
    The real world should be live action filmed and the Metaverse computer animated, with different animation styles and qualities for the different peoples’ avatars. The soundtrack should be like from your typical fast-paced action movie, but with a little mysterious qulaity added to it (a bit like The Matrix, maybe).
    Jeeze, all of us on these forums should make the movie, practically every other idea I’ve read about a Snow Crash movie from the book fans makes perfect sense!
    Well if anyone’s interested, it sounds like there’s going to be a Neuromancer movie in 2009. From the rumors, it sounds good to me so far.

  5. Maybe they can get Tiger Woods to play Hiro 😛
    Joking aside, Ellen Page would make the perfect Y.T. They need to get this movie made now before she gets any older.

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