I'm Savoring It

So this is it; I'm taking the moment to absorb my very state of being before I take the plunge, the plunge of reality and what I've been prepared for since at least 7th grade.

I remember that very moment, where someone came into my classroom and started talking about the importance of grades for college acceptance and future careers. I thought at the time, "This is so crazy that they're telling us this when we still have 10 years to being real adults!" And yet look at me now, I still feel like I'm that same child in 7th grade. I've grown a lot, learned a lot and made a few great friends along the way, but I'm still making my way through that path that seems to change almost every hour of every day.

Today, I agonized about how I wanted to decorate my cap. Silly, right? But it did mean a lot to me. I hope my parents like it. I even took the care to wear a certain dress for graduation that my mom absolutely loved and bought for me 3 years ago. Never did I have the chance to wear it; it's just short of a wedding dress so until that special event, I figured graduation was the best chance I had to wearing it.

My shoes? The colorful ones. I don't know why, but everything about graduation seems have become this...big deal. I wasn't really thinking about what to wear or what to say on the day, but being surrounded by everyone talking and questioning has got me going. I have my dress, shoes, and cap ready to go but...where am I going?

I just don't want to be a disappointment and that idea is truly one of my biggest fears. Mom, Dad, I hope I can make you all proud.

So in 14 hours, I will be sitting with my class of Sixth College for the last time. I have such a hard time with finality and I hope I don't get too teary. I just want to enjoy tomorrow...er, today. Okay, I better get some rest...the big day is already today.

Time is Flying

Well, it's been a good week and it's been more than I can ask for! I finally finished my last of the last of schoolwork/tests/papers and, again, didn't get to appreciate the finality of it all...but then again I was busy finalizing my papers and such.

Friday: AKPsi After Finals Afterparty with the theme of 40 Hands and S Party?? I tried to go as a snowbunny but apparently everyone though I was a surfer. Mission: FAILED. Irvin went as Sesame Street, hahaha.

In other news, Duke Chao bit me in the leg. HARD. Don't ask me how but one moment I'm sitting cross-legged, the next his massive jaws are clenched on a chunk of my thigh, the next James Min is cruelly pinching the bitten spot and after I was just curled up in a sad spot.

Saturday: Heather's Birthday Celebration! I went shopping in PB with Cassie and Heather and while I was able to refrain from purchasing this interesting white dress with mesh sections, we found Heather two amazing birthday dresses! Mission: SUCCESS!

Later that night, we went to Belo. Even Shalane and Peggy came out! =D


Sunday: Grad Night at Envy. Very nice place! We took a cab to and from. I'm too tired to write right now. More photos on Facebook, of course.


Monday: Getting bored. I'm starting to get bored at this point because I thought that more Seniors would have stayed in San Diego for this week before graduation before everyone left forever. Strange, pretty much everyone left! =/

Tuesday: Went out to lunch with Jean...and played THIRD WHEEL! Lollll

Wednesday: Day at the Bay! Went with Jean and came back with Kat. I <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://cosmicbuddha.com/kris/uploaded_images/IMG_2145-797851.JPG">

Thursday (Today): More shopping in PB for graduation dresses and such. All Campus Graduation Celebration and then Will's Birthday celebration at Bar Dynamite. Pretty cool dig.

*And in more exciting new: I have a very good chance at landing an internship for after September. The lady called me today and I had a really good talk with her. I don't want to jinx it by saying too much, but it's very exciting for me. Keep your fingers crossed !

**Also, here is how my leg looks NOW, a WEEK later:

Disgustinggg. You can practically see his molar imprints!

Skills Needed

I need to learn how to sew well and sew fast so that I can just make whatever I want to wear instead of wanting to go buy it. I am a slave to fashion. Why???

Dumbass

This whole time I've been thinking that my huge research paper was due Friday. I found out today that it's actually due Wednesday. I have 2 pages out of 15 done so far. x_X

Skipped a Step

I have been planning to savor the very last moments I had left in my college career and yet amidst my sickness and cancelled class and acting class, I missed out on appreciating my last class. I miss it. I MISSED MY LAST COLLEGE CLASS. I didn't miss it in the sense that I wasn't there, but mentally, I wasn't able to savor it like I had planned. See, I don't have class on Fridays and my morning lecture on Thursday was cancelled...so technically, my last class was my Acting class, which I don't consider a real lecture.

Man. So I keep trying to rewind and see which class I would consider my "last class" and I guess it would have to be my INTL 190 class...which is also a small seminar class. But I didn't get to applaud the professor at the end, so really, my last lecture class was ironically, CAT 125. I find that comforting in a way I can't explain.

While I dislike much of UCSD and its administration, I do love Sixth College. I love the small little "cabins", the huge lawn in the middle where girls are always sunbathing and guys are always tossing around a ball. There's even the occasional mud soccer game. I met some of my favorite people there and that's something I can't hate UCSD for.

Thinking back on my best college decisions, I would have to say that these actions changed my life:
1. Being rejected from UCLA
2. Being placed in Sixth College
3. Pledging Alpha Kappa Psi
4. Studying abroad in Singapore

Maybe one day I'll blog about my experiences with each. Until then, this is just a reminder for myself.

Comfort Food

So being sick, I don't have as much energy as I would like. This also means I'm less inclined to feed myself because it's just so much less energy to remaining lying down. Boy was kind enough to go buy more packages of Mabo Tofu because it used to be one of my favorite meals in Singapore. But not ONLY is he making me Mabo Tofu, he's also steaming the rest of my Okra! I LOVE okra (Daanish, you still owe me that meal!) and the fact that he though of using the rest that was hiding in the freezer and cook it the way my mommy cooks it made me so happy. Food really hits home with me. Mmm, okra with shallots...I'm drooling already! =D

Sick...again...???

WHY am I so prone to sickness? I swear, if it were up to natural selection, I'd be so gone. -_-'

The First Step Out

This past weekend served to be the first of many realizations that I am graduating. Saturday was the last pledge banquet I would ever attend as a college student. Sunday, I took my graduation photos and attended what would be my last GBM as an active.

I am officially demitted.

I knew this happened every quarter to graduating seniors and I knew I was going to demit, but it was just so strange having to search for my sunglasses right before I left for GBM. It was sad and I had that heavy feeling you get when you're about to cry, but strangely I did not cry as much as I had at previous demittings. I don't know why. Maybe it was because there was so much going on. Maybe it was because so many of us had already graduated and left. Maybe it was because it still hadn't really sunk in. I don't know why, but I still feel so...heavy.

Usually, after I have a good cry, it's sense of catharsis; I have a huge weight lifted and I can move on. But in this case, this sense of graduation, of leaving what has become my home and family for the past 4 years is just being bottled up inside and I have not been able to have a good cry over it yet. It's just getting heavier by the day. I guess it's normal to feel confused and mixed up about how I should feel and how I do feel. Right?