Game Plan

I have a new game plan. I've been thinking this through for about...1 whole day now. I've decided that I need to stay true to myself and I haven't really been doing that for the past...many years, perhaps. I'm not saying that I'm changing overnight, but I'm going to do my best to change a lot within the next year!

My eventual goal is to work abroad in various countries. Top of my list include: China, Japan, Australia, and Singapore, though not necessarily in that order. I decided just yesterday that I want to try and study abroad again next Fall. The deadline is next week, LOL. God, why am I so good at timing? Anyways, if that doesn't work out (b/c my GPA is probably going to get low...get low, get low, get lowwww) my mom's friend's ex-husband has a lingerie company that is based in Beijing and they said they would arrange for me to go over to work and learn. At first, I was very skeptical. I was like, "Mom, is this a sweatshop? B/c I'm not down with that." But she sent me the website for the company, Beijing Aimer Lingerie Co., http://www.aimer.com/cn

And WOW, the website is very impressive! I tried to research the company and find more information about it, but there was very little in english. The information I DID find, however, has lead me to believe that it is a very good, reputable and well established company in China. They're involved with charity (young girls, actually!), have fashion shows, and are considered the #1 choice of preference for women's brand. Ideally, I hope that if I go, I'll learn not only about the business and how they do it all, but be able to see the designs and how they start from scratch. That would be amazing!

I don't know how long I would be there for...I think it would depend on the company and what I do, but I can see this going between 3-9 months. The only real concern I have for this is being lonely. It wouldn't be the same as going on an EAP program where there are other UC kids guarenteed to be there. I would be by myself...live by myself and fend for myself!

There is hope, though! Tonight, I talked to my friend Sierra, and she is VERY interested in this idea as well as traveling all over Asia afterwards. I'm so excited for this prospect and hope that it all comes out right...!!!

Does this mean I should still continue to apply for my EAP study abroad? I think my family would choke at the idea of me going abroad again. =/

OH YEAH, my dream job? And seriously, this is just a dream: have my own travel channel and blog. And get paid for it. ::drool::

Losing Grip

I've lost my passion for things, people, hobbies, everything. The only thing I haven't completely lost is my passion for food since it's necessary for my survival, though my food intake has decreased considerably. Over the weekend, my family said I had lost weight, though I don't think I really have? I thought my collar-bone area was looking more, well, boney but that the fat was going to my stomach and thighs instead. If I have lost weight, then that means my stress has manifested into the worst lifestyle possible (minus drugs and STI's).

I thought that when I went home this weekend that I would take up my unfinished projects and complete them with an actual, material result so that I could feel somewhat accomplished admist my quarter of miserable failures. However, I couldn't find the jacket I had been working on over the summer and thus, no product.

I know I've been feeling my failures more than usual as of late, but I really think it's affecting me this quarter. I've been having daydreams of being in accidents, mostly a car accident. Usually it happens in split seconds where I'm in a situation, like driving a car and making a left hand turn at a signal, when my daydream interrupts my focus and I imagine a truck barreling into the side of my car because it was going too fast, didn't pay attention to the light, or just didn't care to pay attention to anything at all. My paraoia of elevators has heightened; I took the stairs today because I didn't want to imagine in slow motion the effect of a falling elevator. I don't want to say I'm suicidal because I certainly don't want to be, but it makes me wonder why I'm so distracted when there are people who have worse problems than me.

I think I need to get off my ass and do something because I can't stand feeling sorry and miserable for myself, other people and situations I can't or don't know how to fix. I would love to go abroad and help people in need because it's time to remember what's really important in this world. I've gotta grab hold to something, anything so that I don't drive myself or anyone else insane.

Thankful

This going to be short, but I'd just like to say that yes, I AM thankful for things that make up my lfe. Today was wonderful (after horrendous traffic) because of the wonderful food (that made me pass out) and seeing my Amah for the first time in ages. It was the first time in I-dont-know-how-long that I felt like someone was genuinely happy and excited to see me; I felt truely wanted and loved. Maybe that's what I'm missing in my life?

Anyways, tomorrow is Black Friday. I had this ridiculous idea of camping out with Mason, Scott and Jason at Best Buy, but then it changed to meeting up with them later to just not going at all. Then I was going to wake up early for the retail stores or go online and buy stuff, but now I changed my alarm for 8am or whenever I wake up. So basically, I'm not going to go hardcore at all because I'm afraid some soccer mom is going to tackle me for a sweater...and I'm a delicate flower, you know!

Maybe home time will help with my recuperation and horrible quarter. If anything, I hope it doesn't make it worse. Yes, this is me being optimistic right now. =/

Thank you friends and family, who have reached out to me even in the smallest way. I really do notice and it really makes my month! I remember it on bad days to make me feel brighter. So thank you, Jimmy, for offering to take me to icecream on that bad day, it made such a difference even though I didn't take you up on it. =)

When it rains...

...I'm left without an umbrella.

1. Family
2. Friends
3. School

My top three things are not at the top of my life right now. Not to mention I don't even feel at home in my apartment. I would just like a nice soft corner to sleep in for a long time.

Happy Birthday, Mikol Lin! I hope you finish your homework and drink tonight.

Unfortunately, my arm hair was a source of my dismay tonight as it was redundantly pointed out...again. It's not like I'm blind, I know I have a lot of arm hair, so no one needs to really point it out. I should probably wax it but I'm stubborn about it because I have this little notion of having people accept me for who I am, arm hair and all. Even so, I'm not gonna lie and say it helps with my self-conciousness.

Anyways, if you're bored and want to do something to procrastinate and help out world hunger at the same time (for FREE), go to this website and practice your vocab...or be like me and google the words for the real meaning so that you can donate more rice to hungry people. =D www.freerice.com

Resurrection

So I'm going to try and start blogging regularily again. I always say this, but I'm really going to try for my last year in college and thereon!

Fall Quarter has been really rough so far...I don't think I've studied so much for midterms throughout the whole entire quarter; it feels like finals week constantly! Anyways, I have my 7th and last midterm Monday and I can't wait.

Hope all is well with everyone, I'll come up with a better post at a better time. =)