Painted Hoodie

So every year, me, my sister and 3 other cousins do a Secret Santa Exchange...which is not so secret really. Usually we end up exchanging currencies or gift cards because...we're lazy, so this year my Aunt proposed that we MAKE our gifts instead of just giving each other money. Our budget was to be under $25.

This is what I came up with: a painted hoodie. My original design was much more time consuming so I had to shortcut some of it, but here's how the back turned out (I still have to do the front!):


Oh, I hope no one shows him this webpage! =D MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Keep your boyfriends close and your girlfriends closer

I've come to this concept that while I care about my significant other, I don't want to ever have to sacrefice my girlfriends for my one boyfriend. I think that girlfriends are important in general, as well. For a girl to not have any girlfriends, or attempt to make girlfriends, I think, is wierd. Girls who claim that they "hate girls and are only friends with guys" are, to me, starved for male attention and use the reason to hate girls as an excuse. Girls need girls just like how guys need guys. We're not built the same and really, you should be able to get along with your own females! And seriously, I think everyone gets along with guys better because they just don't get caught up in the details like how girls can.

Guys come and go, but girlfriends are the ones that pick you up when you need them to. Guys just aren't programmed the same; sometimes you just need a hug, the right encouragement, a good cry, and you're good to go. Guys don't get that sometimes. Or at least my guys never have, lol. So thanks, girls, for being there for me.

Expectations

I hate to have them, but along with everyone else, I have expectations for things and people. I even have expectations to not have expectations! I think I've figured out a little bit of how my brain works and how to avoid disappointment: I back off once I realize I asked too much. To me, I try to avoid burning my hand on the stove more than once, so it's usually a trial and error thing for me. So tonight, I guess I just needed to remind myself to not expect so much out of those I expected to expect things out of; I'm not much to be expected of either.

To-Do "List"

Here's what's been keeping me and my mind occupied like whoa:

1. EAP Application...should I even do it?
2. Contacting/Talking to professor/TAs about letters of rec (which are due next week!)
3. Figuring out classes...still!
4. Should I stay another year to do field research abroad for a Senior Thesis so that I can have a better chance at applying for grad school/MBA?
5. Will I be working abroad in Beijing? How should I prepare? Should I do my research there? Or should I do something in a developing country? Can I expand on my CAT 124 class? It seems so interesting...or should I do it on the developing markets in China since I might be working in the lingerie company? o.O So many circles!
6. Finals...of course. I'm scared. Really, really scared I might actually fail a course.
7. Social obligations: Alva's bday, Senior Roast, ppl's going away gatherings, gift exchange.
8. Scholarship research/applications/deadlines.
9. Rady classes?
10. Academic Intership problems... =(

Agh, I'm seriously on overload! I've been so stressed out this quarter, my stomach has shrunk and I've lost at least 8 pounds. I feel so unhealthy. =(

OK. Just another week or so. COMON KRISTEN!

Elevators

Every time I step into an elevator, usually the first thing that comes to mind is,

"Why does it smell like that??"

It's different every time! I blame it on the lack of air circulation and the fact that the elevator is so slow, there is enough time for a smell to linger. The smells aren't always offensive, but it makes me think that there are little stories that these elevators capture through scent.

Smells I've smelled and that the story I have behind it:
1. Paperbag/cardboard box scent. I figure someone either is moving in/out or they went grocery shopping and are environmentally concious (they chose paper instead of plastic!) I get good feelings out of these elevator experiences.
2. Cooked food. This gives me mixed feelings, but usually it's a good-smelling dish...makes me hungry once I leave the elevator though! Usually I think of visiting friends, potlucks, holiday gatherings and those kinds of stories.
3. Perfume. Most of the time, I don't like the smell of stale perfume. It also tells me that the girl is wearing too much of it if there's enough to linger in an elevator. I wonder, does she shower? Did she have an important date? Does she really really like this perfume? ...and why?
4. B.O. These are the worst. I don't know why this happens but days where it smells like B.O. is just horrible. I keep thinking that the smell molecules are sticking to me and mutating to have ME start having B.O. It's pretty scary and I wait at the front of the elevator doors holding my breath and hoping to get out as quickly as possible.
5. Farts. People should NOT fart in elevators. It's a terrible surprise when those doors slide open and a whoosh of fart hits you in the face. It shouldn't linger like that! ahhhh!
6. Cigs/alcohol. Usually cigs and alcohol go hand in hand. These happen on weekends usually. Costa Verde = Dorms 2.0
7. Yak. It's like slow motion when you're about to step into an elevator and screech to a halt because there's a puddle of yak in the middle. Yikes! Someone partied too hard!

So as you can see, the elevator in Costa Verde is full of scented adventure. And if you're like me, you make up stories on your way up to your apartment. Come visit me!

Rant

Because I can't sleep, I've decided to write and rant and write until I collapse from mental exhaustion. I haven't slept yet, because I wanted to talk, discuss and think about things I find extremely important. I put things before rest and food because it's that distracting and hence very very important to me.

Today, for the most part, was very good in a healing sense. I talked to Katrina, who I missed very much, and my cousin Merin who helped me cope with things that aren't new in my life. I went to my banquet, which was mediocre at best but fun because Anisha and Adam were there to make me laugh. I left the after party "early" so that I could avoid any drunk drama that may happen and went to see one of the most important individuals in my life.

One of the most important individuals of my life. I feel like I've had all sorts of these and those alike, and never am I the same priority. Why am I not worth the fight or extra energy? The thing is, I need to realize that I am worth it. I fight for these kinds of people all the time. It never ceases to amaze me how incredibly stupid, naive and repetative I am with my mistakes in life. I never, ever learn my lesson. I let it happen to me over and over again.

I am so messed up. And I don't have a good reason to be, I don't think. Am I going crazy? Am I already crazy? Am I realizing that I'm actually going to be crazy? I don't want this. I'm afraid of becoming my worst nightmares and that's becoming like one of those individuals I actually fear. And yet, he is being like him too. This will never work. I will never work. I'm so broken, oh so broken. I'm so tired of being the eldest and having to take care of others. I'm still a child, seriously. Mentally, I'm still a lost, scared, emotionally stunted child in the corner who just wants someone to say that it's ok to be scared and that they are still loved, supported and cared for. Unconditionally. Yes, unconditionally. I don't want this nightmare anymore. It's the sunrise and daylight outside, and yet I'm plunged in this horrible, cold darkness that never seems to completely lift. It's like it leaves a frost behind and returns for the final freeze. Slow torture, such slow torture.

Studytime

I'm procrastinating. I need to study. I have cramps. I don't want to study. I cannot WAIT for this quarter to end!