Definition: Nirvani

(Sanskrit) [Also nirvanee, nirvanin] One who enters, or has entered, nirvana.
We still can’t figure out why Beat Takeshi had Iranian factory workers greeting each other with this word in the movie “minna yatteruka.” It bears further inspection.


Today’s New Word is: Applicosinox. Applicosinox made its debut about five years ago in a song recorded by Taro and I in his old juku (cram school). I made it up to fill a particular line in the song and it fit perfectly. Applicosinox is spiced wine made from apples that makes your nose itch and causes sneezing if you drink too much. On the plus side, your eyes start glowing like Dune if you drink more than a cup a day.
A search for this word on Google used to return a lot more hits than it does now. In particular, I remember it being researched on a linguistics department website of some university in Tokushima. Wonder where all that went…

New Word Primer

Well I thought of a new pursuit and went ahead with it before it escaped my memory (volatile). Now I should explain: When learning a new language, I often experience meltdown trying to think of the English equivalent of a particular word or phrase. Since I am a product of American public schools (K-12) and Japanese university, I am pretty much the stupidest, laziest, least-inclined-to-use-a-dictionary fool you will ever meet. Hence, my need to create new words, even if they already exist. OK?
Q. Can your New Words be used for free?
A. No. Every spoken usage costs a beer. Every written usage costs a car (scaled to wealth of individual; Bill Gates can afford a lousy Maybach, etc.). Corporate usage is banned unless your company markets trendy fruits such as the pitaya to medium-sized co-op grocery chains in the northwest.
Q. Are volume discounts available?
A. See your monthly statement and perform a quick scalpulation.
Q. I represent so-and-so publishing. May we include your New Words in our dictionary/linguistics journal/”Asshat Central” project listing?
A. Yes, but please include the following tagline: –> k0zBu 0NZ J00!
Q. What if you create a word but it already exists?
A. It becomes mine by default.
Q. Won’t that enable you to claim the entire English language as your own?
A. Heh.
Q. This sounds like complete BS, just how many people do you expect to pay you to use the English language?
A. My Nigerian mentor, Roberl Dungabe, says “plenty.”


The new word for today is “scalpulation.” Scalpulation is an answer or calculation derived by much head-scratching, chin-fondling, and mutterings of the word “Um”.