The only insects that I hate are those which suck my blood or are unreasonably agressive toward me. I will not hesitate to kill a mosquito or to crush a flea between my fingernails, but house centipedes test me on these self-imposed limits. Their grotesque body and movements fascinate me, but also give me a strong case of the goosebumps. The reason why I am so creeped out by these guys is that one of them crawled across my bare thigh about 2 years ago, and I can still remember that unpleasant sensation.
As I was preparing to take a shower, this thing shot out of the shadows and stopped in front of me. My first inpulse was to kill it, but I decided to guide it outside with a broom instead (with a can of insecticide close at hand in case things got ugly). This ugly bastard’s body was about 2.5 inches long, but the antannae at each end (disgusting!) stretched it out to about 6 inches total. The way these things move is truly disturbing, evoking similar feeling to those I experience watching the bug-like creatures in Aliens try to face hump a victim and shove their ovipositor down the throat! Well, the shower has been running for 20 minutes now, so I guess I should stop acting like a wussy and just get it over with. I’m taking my spray can of DDT with me though.
Game over man! Game over!
Sannensei Text Bubbles
Today the chugakko third graders were given a picture of two OLs(office ladies) sitting together on a bench, eating lunch together and having a conversation. They were given 20 minutes to write dialogue and I was proud of what they were able to accomplish. Here are a couple of samples from class (No corrections have been made to the original works):
Talkin’ Smack About the Boss
O.L. 1: I hear Kacho has only recently begun to losing hair.
O.L. 2: Really?
O.L. 1: Moreover he thinks he’s cool. He’s a fool.
O.L. 2: Oh, he’s a narcist.
O.L. 1: Thats right. And yet his waif ran away!
O.L. 2: that’s too bad.
O.L. 1: Oh Kacho is coming.
O.L. 2: Run Away!
Pig Woman
A: How are you?
B: I’m drunk and very dangerous now
A: What did you drink yesterday
B: I drank milk.
A: Are you crazy?
B: No. I’m usually not
A: OK. I know. So do you know pig
B: Yes. I am pig
A: Are you OK? Do you understand
B: No I am sleeping now. I solly
A: I don’t want to talk to you anymore bye bye
B: Oh No woooooo
About Relationships
Fumi: Kazuki! How are you?
Kazuki: So so. Fumi! How about you?
Fumi: I’m sad. Because I had a fight with Yasuhiro
Kazuki: That’s too bad. Why?
Fumi: Yasuhiro had an affair with Shunichi.
Kazuki: Oh! Fumi is poor.
Shitsukoi
A: I often catch my boyfriend.
B: This lunch is very delicious.
A: I often catch my boyfriend.
B: I have to go to work Bye!
A: I often catch my boyfriend. I must kill you.
Now that’s what English class is all about…
Brood
I found a commune of funnel web spiders in Kikuka this weekend, when exploring a huge rock outcropping in the hills. The spiders reminded me of the ones in the Hobbit, and I imagined hundreds of tiny, hungry eyes watching, evaluating me, patiently waiting.
But these spiders were cool. There were tons of mosquitoes out, and I took satisfaction in knowing that many would be doomed to stumble into the complex of webs, their futile struggles transmitted down the gossamer strands, the vibrations transformed into impulses sparking across synapses of the arachnid, triggering a tiger-like pounce, mandibles of death injecting an acid as corrosive as the blood of a Giger Alien. Haha, game over man! Burn, you miserable mosquito. Burn.
This weekend, while chilling at Joe’s I was laying on the tatami when I felt something crawling next to me. I ignored it until it happened again, and was scared shitless when I saw a three inch long centipede on my arm. I flung it off, and Joe proceeded to douse it for a full minute with insecticide spray, as it writhed and whipped and jumped around in agony. I’m just glad I didn’t get bitten by the bastard. I like looking at the suckers, but I HATE it when they touch me!
Poop Fiction
I just found a new demographic for Kevin to bestow his enlightenment upon in this article. Dude, your words are brown gold to the next generation:
The content might seem off-colour to some, but potty humour is big in the world of popular children’s literature – from the Captain Underpants series to such best-selling titles as Zombie Butts From Uranus! – and some parents and authors believe the genre is attracting otherwise reluctant readers.
“You have to give kids something they want to read,” says Glenn Murray, an educator-turned-children’s author from Canada.
Murray co-wrote two books featuring Walter The Farting Dog, a flatulent pooch whose problem saves the day time and time again. The author believes his smelly protagonist is an ambassador for literacy.
My favorite book about excrement is one that I read to my nursery school students called “Unchi”, or in English, “Poop” (do you notice how no one uses this word anymore. the last time I remember hearing it was when I last watched Billy Madison). Highly recommended!
To anyone who missed it, the tapeworm story is a must read! Pork is starting to sound a lot more appetizing…
Takachiho-kyou
Takachiho, located in Northern Miyazaki-ken, is a beautiful, mountanous area. I have heard that bears can still be found in the surrounding forest, but have yet to see one. Also the aincent Kagura dance, the dance that represents the creation of Nippon (including the part about luring Amaterasu out of hiding in a cave in Aso), is performed in an isolated pocket of country deep in the mountains around here, for more than 24 straight hours by a die hard group of people carrying on the traditions of old (if you are interested in learning about Kagura, the Kagura-en in Namino has a guided tour, performances, and a (very boring) instructional video that you can experience, and you can learn how to make your very own soba with your hands. on a serious note, the soba soft serve is kick ass here- coming from Kumamoto City you can find the Kagura-en off of the 57, just past Takimurozaka). This particular location is Takachiho-kyou, or Takachiho Gorge.
This Week’s Recipe
I have been enjoying a certain dish lately, so much so that I’m going to post it:
Pork Flavored Garlic Stir Fry
Ingredients:
7 cloves of strong garlic, minced
3 pork chops, cut into bite sized pieces
1/2 large onion, cubed
3 bell peppers (preferably red or yellow, but green can be added for color) cubed
1 tablespoon of sesame oil
1 tablespoon of olive oil
1 tablespoon of shoyu
1 tablespoon of mirin
1/2 teaspoon of hot sauce
Spices:
garlic salt
pepper
montreal steak seasoning
Dipping sauce:
Mix 2 parts of Thai sweet chili sauce to 1 part Shiracha
Directions:
Heat up your pan until it is really hot, and then add the oil, and spread it around the pan. Next, keep the heat on high add the vegetables and braise them for about 2 minutes. Add the pork, garlic, and seasonings, and then add the shoyu and mirin. Cook until the pork has a nice seared color. For best results, keep the heat high, and aim to cook the vegetables so that they are still crunchy, but not raw. Serve over rice, and dip morsels into the sauce. I enjoyed the flavor of the dish both with and without sauce, but you can mix the sauce into the dish as well.
The reason I like this dish is because:
1. It is cheap. Beef is more expensive right now over here. Bell peppers are fairly priced as well.
2. It’s fast.
3. It has lots of garlic, but maintains a good flavor balance.
4. I have way much more garlic salt and steak seasoning than I could ever use in Ubuyama (one year of use has only resulted in 1/3 use of Costco sized Lawry’s seasonings).
5. I love the smell of sesame oil frying in a hot pan.
The Last Undokai
The undokai is described as a “sports festival”, and that’s exactly what it it. I had a hard time accepting this term at face value, because the concept was foreign to me, but that’s exactly what it is. The whole community comes together to participate in the festivities, and play wacky Japanese-style group games. Undokai are an important social event that brings everyone together for one whole exhausting day.
This year, I was on the victorious red team. The kids are gettin’ their kung-fu poses on, Big Trouble In Little China style.
My students put in hours practicing a really cool dance, but I think that the dude on the right (Chiyuki) blew it, judging from the looks on Tomoyuki’s (center) and Masaoki’s (right) faces.
I really like my student’s paintings this year. The red team’s character wielding the wakizashi looks “Sassy” (Sprechen sie sassy?).
Now that’s sassy!
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A B A Start
I KNEW I wasn’t wasting my time, spending so many hours killing goombas, orcs, and terrorists! If only my parents had encouraged me, I could be making the big bucks in Korea (thanks to Chris for the link). Does anyone remember that movie where a kid has to battle the rich kid who uses a Nintendo Power Glove (TM) in a video game tournament? That idea crashed and burned, didn’t it. Kind of like the robot and gyroscope that came with the NES. Back then, who would have predicted that the common mouse and keyboard would still be the gamer’s choice of equipment four years past 2000? I was hoping for electrodes to read my brainwaves, or something a little more advanced than a glorified typewriter interface…