Thoughts on Two Upcoming Weddings

Some people run away from marriage and the responsibilities of a serious relationship as if it were the act of self-castration. I must admit, that when I first heard that some of my friends were getting married I felt frightened for them, as if they had told me that they were going to a far, unreachable place from which there would be no return. But then I thought about it, and it became clear that they were going to become better than they were before. Yes, after they get married, they will obligated to conduct themselves in ways that may not seem so fun, but will hopefully bring a deeper meaning to them as a family.
First, I would like to say congratulations to Chris and Brian, and to their respective fiances, Sarah and Rebecca. You women are doing these two a great service, and they know it, I know it, and all of our friends also know it as well. Building 2 story beer bongs, living in I.V. for three years, doing various dangerous things while enibriated (electric pickle, riding bikes, falling off of roofs, blowing shit up, etc…, and playing cruel jokes on each other lends me a special perspective on these two. It is obvious to me that without you, Chris and Brian would still be a bunch of primates, scratching their rears and flinging poo at each other.
Chris. Brian. You guys are also bringing something into the relationship. You will get to be the chief “male role model” of the house, and the corresponding duties. Countless afternoons spent perfecting your chillin’ and grillin’ techniques will be passed on to the next generation, as well as an encyclopedic knowledge of both micro an macrobrews. Hurricane punch and long island iced tea awaits, although it will never again be served out of a 5 gallon water cooler. Instead, you guys will drink to get a nice buzz, not until you start urinating on cop cars, in front of cops hiding in the bushes, or anywhere in the proximity of an on-duty police officer for that matter. Having a female partner who wants to help you [as opposed to any guy who would] instead of laugh at you really has its advantages sometimes. It also means that you will be called in to kill any insects, rodents, or deal with any dangerous life forms (Update: Rebecca is the one who takes care of the insects).
Although you two are getting married, I hope that we can all still find some time every once in a while to go out and do nostalgic stuff. You know what I’m talking about- like blowing shit up!!! Do you remember how fun that was? Or sharing a nice keg of Sierra Nevada (that would be Rolling Rock for Chris) while enjoying grilled portobellos and thick chunks of meat. Maybe we can even take a trip into Mexico and go fishing sometime (no, not to TJ to see the spray painted donkeys).
Honestly though, I am truly happy for you guys.
Another Update: Congratulations to Joe “the Muppet” and Michiyo who got married (Mark posted some good photos from the ceremony) down in Kumamoto. Michiyo Fingerhut, hmmm… it’s going to take a while to get used to saying that. Best of luck in St. Louis, guys.