So I’m on a coffee break and the guy next to me says, out of the blue, “I wonder how many legs you can pull off a centipede without impeding its ability to forage for food.”
I’m at a loss for words, and I wonder if this line of thought has anything to do with the fact that he just got chewed a while ago out by the boss in front of the whole office for holding up production of a new product.
A few seconds later, in the same monotonous patter, he muses, “I wonder if its like one of those 16-wheel tractor trailers… If one or two go flat, there’s basically no effect…”
Well, that’s innocent enough, right? Typical engineer-type daydreams, I imagine.
Then: “I wonder if losing a leg is as painful for a centipede as it is for a human being.”
Well. I finished my coffee in record time, my friends…
Work issues. Gotta love ’em.
May the schwartz be with you…
Fer chrissakes man, you forgot to use the time-honored meatplow:
ode to my schlong
Must be Alzheimer’s, you dirty old bastard… Happy Birthday!
School of Rice
I proudly present to you the latest combined efforts of myself and my little bro:
School of Rice
The purpose of the blog is twofold; first to document rice in the sense of tacky car mods (such as bazooka-like exhaust pipes, homemade rear wings, and HKS stickers), and second, to document anything else we categorize as rice. In other words, I have not a clue, but am determined to make this new blog a success because I like the name so much. School of Rice. Maybe I’ll shelve some recipes there, too.
Be sure to check out the uber-rice shot Adam posted today… The recent BMW 7 series lineup is ugly enough as it is…
A Faster 7 Series
Spotted during a daytrip to Shikoku we saw many interesting things including a BMW 740i, stock in every way, except for the huge wing on the back. I can’t think of another unnecessary modification to an otherwise nice car that this guy could have possibly done. I can only imagine what he plans on doing next.
First Post
This blog is dedicated to all things rice. So then, what is rice? You shall see, grasshopper, you shall see.
Earth to Politicians
Now we start with the real hurt; time to break out the industrial strength can of Smear. I predict a scandal with drugs, hookers, or some such felony will break soon. Some possible headlines:
Jenna and Barbara Sic Secret Service on Gay Rapper! As a Joke! While Stoned!
Teresa Heinz: Godmother of John Walker Lindh Urged Him to Fight
Curious George to Michael J: I’ll Watch Bubbles While You’re Gone, Baby
Kerry, “Just a Cool Guy,” Sucked Glass Dick with D12 Backstage, Says Eminem.
First Lady Owns Stock in Dutch Wife Co, Ltd.!
OK, this is obviously a work in progress, but you get what I mean. At some point, it stops being a choice between two candidates and becomes a shit-slinging contest… In the end, nobody emerges clean.
Vitamin White
Somehow, I suspect this wouldn’t fly in the states.
RE: cosmicbuddha.com
To all of you who can’t catch a hint (such as repeated refusals as well as a 9-year renewal via Network Solutions AKA Bloodsuckers Inc.):
cosmicbuddha.com is not for sale. I don’t give a fuck if you think it should belong to the Buddha’s Association of Templar Sanctorium, the Online Buddhist Trinket Vendor Compendium, or His Holiness the Dalai Lama, it is mineminemine and I can very fucking well use it for whatever the fuck I want and you get zero – I repeat ZERO – input in this respect. You want to me to “keep it real” and have some followers send me golden prayer beads by registered mail until I asquiesce? Fine. Send me the whole string so I can melt them down and make myself a proper sceptre with which to smite you irritating fuckers.
And no, you cannot advertise for free here. You can’t advertise here, period. Not on a banner ad, and not in the comments. I don’t have any ads at all, and for good reason: I’m “keeping it real,” a lot more real than you give me credit for… Let me ask you a question: Who do you think the Buddha would hate more, ME for having this domain name and “using swear words” on my own fucking site here, or YOU for pushing fake gold and jade Buddhist trinkets to people who are insecure in their own spiritualism?
Of course that’s a ridiculous question; just look to whom I ask it.
//
After much soul searching, this domain is now for sale. Asking price is 1,000,000 undead souls (preferably the old and weak) and a string of 24k gold anal prayer beads. Now suck that, bioooooooooooootches.
Censored
My new favorite milblogger. And SDB, who is giving it up indefinitely. Some days you are asking for it just by turning on the computer.
Cuddles the Shark
My one paranoia, which is really strange since I basically grew up in the sea/swimming pools/mud flats/other various bodies of water, is sharks. Luckily, there weren’t any hairy, hopping sharks back then to haunt my dreams:
http://smh.com.au/text/articles/2004/08/29/1093717842562.html (I refuse to use the utterly retarded title they thought up for the article; that’s not even trying)