urgent

FROM:MR AHMED SALEH
THE MANAGER,
UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA,
ALABA INT’L BRANCH,
3 AGUDOSI ST
LAGOS-NIGERIA.
Sir,
I am pleased to get across to you for a very urgent and profitable business proposal, though I don’t know you neither have I seen you before but my confidence was reposed on you when the Chief Executive of Lagos State chamber of Commerce and Industry handed me your contact for a confidential business.
I am the manager of United Bank for Africa Plc (UBA), Alaba Int’l branch,Lagos Nigeria. The intended business is thus; we had a customer, a Foreigner resident in Nigeria, he was a Contractor with one of the Government Parastatals. He has in his Account in my branch the sum of US$12.5 Million (Twelve million,five hundred thousand U.S Dollars).Unfortunately, the man died four years ago until today non-of his next of kin has come forward to claim the money.
Having noticed this, I in collaboration with one other top Official of the bank covered up the account all this while. Now we want you (being a foreigner) to be fronted as one of his next of kin of the deceased and forward all the necessary information to be advised to you by us to attest to the Claim.
We will use our positions to get all internal documentation to back up the claims. The whole procedures will last only ten working days to get the fund retrieved successfully without trace even in future. Your response is only what we are waiting for as we have put all machineries that will be instrumental to the success of the transaction in motion.
As soon as this message comes to you kindly get back to me indicating your interest, with your telephone and fax number then I will furnish you with the whole procedures to ensure that the deal is successfully Concluded. For your assistance, we have agreed in principle to offer you 30% of the total sum at the end of the transaction.
It is risk free and a big mega fortune. All correspondences towards this transaction will be through telephone and e-mail. I await your earliest response.
Thanks,
Yours Sincerely,
MR. AHMED SALEH
Email: ah_saleh84@yahoo.com

Re: urgent
Mr. Ahmed Saleh,
I am very interested in your proposal, but considering the risks I must insist on 50% of the total big mega fortune. If you can agree to this counter-proposal, please respond to this message with your phone and fax number.
Is this offer for real? I could really use the cash since I spend most of my days converting ignorance and bewilderment into the wisdom of primordial awareness/universal lawfulness…
Best Regards,
C. Buddha
UPDATE: Damn, they already got him.

Adam’s Blog

I set my little bro up with his own blog and now it’s up to him to write, write, write. I hope we will be a family of writers as opposed to linkers.
That said, check out Higo Blog (named after his town’s official flower).

Animal Farm

With help from the shizzolator, might old Major have been more of an inspiration to the Panthers?
Shizzolate that shit:
“Now, comrades, what is da nature of dis life a ours? Let us face that shiznit:
izzle lives are miserable, laborious, ‘n short n’ shit. We are born, we are given just so much food as will keep da breath in izzle bodies, ‘n those of us who are capable of that shiznit are forced work da last atom of izzle strength; ‘n da hella instant that izzle usefulness has come an end we are slaughtered wit hideous cruelty.” No animal in England knows da meaning of happiness or leisure after tha dude is a year old.” No animal in England is free.” The life of an animal is misery ‘n slavery: that is da plain truth.”
“But is this simply part of da order of nature? Is that shiznit because this land of ours is so poor that that shiznit cannot afford a decent life those who dwell upon that shiznit? No, comrades, a thousand times no! The soil of England is fertile, its climate is gravy, that shiznit is capable of affording food in abundance an enormously greater number of animals than now inhabit that shiznit, know what I’m sayin’? This single farm of ours would support a dozen horses, twenty cows, hundreds of sheep–‘n izzall of ’em living in a comfort ‘n a dignity that are now almost beyond izzle imagining n’ shit. Why then do we continue in this miserable condition? Because nearly da whole of da produce of izzle labour is stolen from us by human beings.” There, comrades, is da answer izzall izzle problems, know what I’m sayin’? It is summed up in a single word–Man, know what I’m sayin’? Man is da only real enemy we has n’ shit. Remove Man from da scene, ‘n da root cause of hunger ‘n overwork is abolished fo’ ever n’ shit.”

I’m so hooked on the shizzolator it’s not even funny. I know my dad will probably be using it for all his e-mails.

P’tan Merde!

“The French Army would feel humiliated to go to Iraq and be put in the same category as the Poles or the Uruguayans as part of the cleanup team.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/07/29/international/worldspecial/29FRAN.html
You may need to register to view the page. I think it’s worth it (as in, “it’s free!”).
I love France, been there a couple times, and have good friends there. One of them told me a story when we went wine tasting in St. Emilion, regarding an embassy dinner conversation between representatives of France and the US.
During talks concerning immigration the French dignitary’s wife made small talk, likening US/Mexico border problems with France’s woes in regards to “those fucking Arabs.” This is a common view in France, although you may not believe it considering all of the stories this past year about their supplying of weapons to Iraq (and many other countries/organizations), Chirac-Hussein buddy pics, etc. The French were shown as being sympathetic to Arab countries.
The thing you must remember is that the French sell even cutting edge weapons/technology to just about anybody. They are not too proud to accept riyal, dinar, or rupiah. I see this as pure profit motivation. This is solidly documented on- and off-line but if I provide links it only encourages your ignorant ways (read: I’m lazy as hell).
They do have big immigration problems in France and this leads to feelings of hate toward immigrants, many of whom immigrate from Arab regions.
Parallel to this, however, is French arrogance/snobbery, and prevalent feeling among the French that they are somehow… superior. The quote at the top of this post is the most arrogant crap I have seen for a long time, although it can be amusing to infer that the French have finally accepted their new status in the world (no longer on top, but certainly too high to be placed on the “cleanup team”).
I really want the source specified, although it was probably the wife of an ambassador to Poland or Uruguay.

Shizzolating Lewis

What would you do if you could not wake from a dream where Snoop began reading you a bedtime story, say “Arrowhead” by Sinclair Lewis?
“Da driver of da wagon swaying through forest ‘n swamp of da Ohio wilderness wuz a ragged brizzle of fourteen n’ shit. Her mother they had buried near da Monongahela–da brizzle herself had heaped wit torn sods da grave beside da river of da beautiful name.” Her father lay shrinking wit fever on da floor of da wagon-box, ‘n ’bout tha dude’s ass played her brothers ‘n sisters, dirty brats, tattered brats, hilarious brats n’ shit.”
I’d be crying like a bizzatch.