Why big dogs are better

Though I am fond of my family's lap dogs, I don't understand the popularity of small dogs. Big dogs are much better.

Dogs are supposed to be Man's best friend, and long-dead dogs that we still fondly remember are the ones that fearlessly protected or faithfully served their masters.

Old Yeller, Rin Tin Tin, Lassie, Hachiko, Balto: these are the names of dogs we remember for doing something other than promoting cheap tacos. Benji is the only small dog that was relatively worth a damn despite his small size.

Little dogs taken into public, especially if they are wearing clothing or carried in a bag are a red flag. Sometimes the owners are regular people who like small dogs. More often than not, they indicate that their owner has a better than average chance of being selfish, annoying, and just generally someone you wouldn't want to waste your time on. In my experiences, it is best to avoid such parties, if possible. This isn't to say that people who own big dogs aren't the same way, but unpleasant owners of big dogs tend to be unpleasant in different ways than unpleasant owners of small dogs.

Small dogs can be formidable ankle biters, but they are nothing that a decent punt can't handle. Big dogs, like this one, can literally kick your ass. And if that fails, they can bite it...