Dyson

Although this will possibly incur the wrath of a million brand loyal housewives brandishing curtain brush attachments, I must speak my mind: “The vacuum cleaner that doesn’t lose suction” is the worst slogan of a successful company I have heard in recent memory.

  • It is immediately apparent to all that see this tagline that what Dyson is actually trying to convey is that his products “suck harder than a $600 hooker” (which conveniently implies all the other cleaners in this price range are whores as well).
  • By the same logic, Long Dong Silver was “the actor who never lost fuction.”
  • A quick search online shows around a 70% approval rating from Dyson owners. Less than I would have thought from all the hype. Or maybe more, actually.
  • One cool thing about Dyson – I saw on a TV show where he got the idea for a transparent dust reservoir. He was in a product planning meeting and saw one of his team members blow his nose, then look at what he had blown into the tissue before crumpling it up – “see,” he said, “everybody likes looking at what they cleaned up.” That fucking rocks.
  • This middle-of-the-night rant was brought to you courtesy of Justin, “the guy who never scratches when playing pocket pool.”

4 thoughts on “Dyson”

  1. From purely an aesthetic point of view, they’re not a pretty piece of machinery either. As for slogans, how about the City of Fountain Valley’s “A Nice Place to Live”? What is that?

  2. We bought a Dyson for the office. It works fine, but it’s not as powerful as I expected AND the noise it makes is very irritating. It’s like a high-pitch whine in addition to the general vacuum sound. I’d not buy one for my home.

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