One Hundred Days of Solitude

It’s Monday. My girlfriend went back to Thailand yesterday to do research for her doctorate. She will come back in a month or so, so the “hundred years” I used in the title are just my props to Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who wrote the only book I have ever attempted to read in Spanish. (Huge digression alert!) I can only speak enough cholo to bum a cigarette from Mexican kids smoking in the school bathroom, but I kept the English version of the book next to me for reference. It worked, in a way, but forever convinced me that mandatory foreign language classes in public high schools are good for mainly one thing: Emphasizing the gap between kids who can use their own native language well and those who can’t. Which is not to say that mandatory foreign language education is a bad thing. It is just disappointing that there is so little to be gained regarding practical usage at the mandatory levels; around my home in southern California, at least, you can practice more Spanish comprehension by ordering at certain drive-thru windows than you can at school, ese.
I ate two fried eggs and canned chili from the pan this morning because I was too lazy to go shopping last night and I figured it was a sterling way to kick off a month of celibacy: Table manners have been shed for the next month, and, knowing that I won’t get reprimanded from my better half, the world is now officially my blast radius. I should have written a warning on my name tag today, something along the lines of Danger: Toxic Fumes (w/New Spicy Jalapenos).

20 thoughts on “One Hundred Days of Solitude”

  1. I never liked that proverb. It sounds like what a former hippie reverend’s goddaughter on the Pritikin diet would say to justify the bulk purchase of lavender-scented drain cleaner as the people behind in line made snide remarks and gestured rudely.
    But, point taken. Except that I just figured out I have absolutely no idea what the word “godliness” means.

  2. Cleanliness: Diligence in keeping clean
    Godliness: Piety by virtue of being a godly person
    I can say with some confidence that these are fairly inaccurate descriptors for me. Need proof?
    _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
    AN EXAMPLE OF WHY I AM NOT CLEAN OR GODLY
    – BY C. BUDDHA
    I’ve forgotten to dry the same load of laundry for two straight days now; I go home after work and upon tossing my sweaty clothes in the washing machine, I see that there is still a damp load in there from the night before. Not knowing the proper course of action, I simply start the washer again.
    I can hear the merry sounds of rinse, spin, and drain cycles in the background as I make dinner or watch the news on tv, but by the time the machine is finished, I have invariably forgotten about it again. Not just for a few minutes, though. Not even for a few hours. No, I generally remember that I have to hang the clothes to dry right before I step out the door the next morning – by which time I am in a rush to get to work and will stop for nothing. So I curse and go to work and think about the ball of damp clothes fermenting in my washer at home periodically throughout the day. And I go home and the cycle starts anew…
    This is not a big deal as of yet this time. My girlfriend has been gone for only two days, so we are not into a scary duration or anything – YET. Last time, she was gone for 19 days and I finally remembered to dry the laundry on the 18th day. I know what you’re thinking, I only remembered because I ran out of clothes, right? Wrong. You forget that I am a man. A normal man. And as such, if there are no clean clothes, I will recycle dirty ones for multiple uses without washing and never think twice about it.
    The truth of the matter is, I only remembered on the 18th day because she called and specifically asked if the house was clean, the plants watered, the laundry done, etc., etc., etc.
    Now, any man in his right mind would answer “yes”
    in this situation:
    – A cleanly man could truthfully say “yes” (but probably wouldn’t be asked in the first place.
    – A godly man would have said “yes”, but later may have whispered “help me lord, I need a miracle.”
    – I lied quite bluntly by saying “yes”, and in a total frenzy, attempted three weeks of laundry, dishes, and cleaning in one night.
    She wasn’t fooled for a second. I guess it must have been pretty obvious with closetfuls of clothes hanging out to dry. This time, I know better. I am prepared. I will answer, “no.”
    THE END

  3. Yeah, take me big J. I know what damage you
    can do big boy. Not only to washing machines
    and loads of clothes, either. And for heaven’s
    sake it wouldn’t be mistaken for cleanliness and/
    or godliness.

  4. We may have the beginning stages of a drink on our hands. Who’s going to be responsible to see that I don’t turn into a pumpkin?
    I’d PGP ya, but you probably lost your key…didn’t you?

  5. it was a play on words, oh smartboy!
    Like, “cleanliness is next to cosmicbuddha-ness”, as you are a God. Or a Buddha, at least!
    I like when you bring all your musty, stinky, bacteria-laden laundry home for me to work my chemical magic on! I’ve always wondered if microwaving your clothing might kill the mold, mildew and microorganisms? Or just ruin (melt!) the fabric? Good Luck being Mr. Clean. BTW, do you know the meaning of your name, Justin? And why I chose it for you? Ponder upon this, oh cosmicbuddhaboy!

  6. bill – what’s a good time for you?
    yes, i lost my pgp key. it’s burned on a top secret cd that’s among 500 other loose unmarked ones. gone. forever.

  7. well, the T-bar in Kyobashi has the super happy hour prices from 6-9pm now. Of course there are more exotic locales like Umeda as well. Depends where you gentlemen would like to go.
    You like Indian? There’s a pretty good joint in Kyobashi. We could curry-up and hit the T-bar later. Say 7-ish?

  8. Told ya! Why can’t “the man” stop messin’ with time and leave things GMT like other hosts?
    Just go to Weblog Config | Select your timezone from the pulldown menu. You should be able to fix it there regardless of your host playing with time for the benefit of those “other” customers…

  9. Get with it J. We’re all waiting for an answer
    from your holiness. Who do you have to blow to
    get an answer in this joint???

  10. // Secret Message Decrypter:
    // In the passage below,
    // Bill = Nara Bill
    // bill = Osaka Bill
    Sounds good. I have shit to do in Nara during the afternoon/evening, but I can probably pick up Bill and be out there by 6 or 7, OK bill? OK Bill?
    Let’s tentatively set the time for 7, but since I need to play it by ear a bit, I’ll give you a call, bill.
    Bill: I’ll call to let you know if I’m going out to Nara from tomorrow or not, tomorrow.
    Regarding venue: Shit I gotta think about what to do with my car. Kyobashi is swine heaven, as Bill can attest to. Hmmm. Aside from that, I say we just see where the winds of T-bar happy hour blow us. Like dust in the wind, dude.

  11. That was a highly effective encryption node you threw on there dude. I was impressed by the complex cypher and use of analog data to pull that off.
    Kyobashi has a lot more of those little parking areas than before…if you’re into that sorta thing. There always seems to be space in front of that building labeled “Koban” in front of the T-bar if you’re not into paying. I suggest you leave it there.
    I’ll target 7-ish. Please jangle my new pocket rocket when you have more of a clue.
    bill-out

  12. Update for bill: Bill is driving. I am blogging. Five seconds until scheduled meeting time and we are in a gnarly traffic jam. Looks like beers are on me tonight.
    Tonight I will really try not to bring my comp into the bar at all. Or at least not use it. Much.

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